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Relationship Health Message Board


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Going ice-skating today with my best friend's 6th grade class, she's a teacher...so that will be interesting!

Your situation is identical to mine Opie, he said the same things to his friends- 'she's taking it really hard, i hope she's OK'. And when we broke up I spent the whole trying to hold him as he cried. I do feel like hes an idiot for letting me go. Thanks for reminding me Im not the idiot here, although I feel like he could easily pass me off as a psycho if he wanted to exaggerate to people and build up his ego. Oh well, I guess it doesnt matter, you're right.

Gypsy- as hard as it is to want to admit, I think you are very right. I am somewhat mature, got a lot out of my system in college, and really believed I was ready to settle down with him, and STILL think I could settle down with the right person in 2 years or so. I was his first seriuos relationship and he didnt date really at all prior to me (a girl or two or three, only lasted 2 months), and never showed interest in doing so. So that is why this is a shock. I realize he was probably so freaked out over the fact that he was feeling differently, he just should have told me that and not the crap he did. Then I would have not had the hope I had for so long that he would figure himself out and return to me. I assumed he loved me so much that he couldnt let me go. So this makes me realize that he fell out of such intense feelings really fast. Cowardly or not, its not right to say what he said, and I dont want to make excuses for him and I feel like I will if I keep thinking of it this way (as being something that was most likely bound to happen due to age). I think you are right here; however, I loved and trusted him with all of my being and never in a million years thought he would leave me. Im still dealing with that along with the new 'friend' turned 'fling'.
As far as his religious practices, I told him I would never convert and I laid down what I would and would not do if we had kids. The reason why I did adapt some of the things he did (I mean, the no sex was not my choice, I had to deal and respect that if I wanted to be with him), really just the fasting, was just to see what I might be getting myself into someday and try to adapt to it a little. I know people that dont compromise at all in their early stages, then try to get married and realize they are in shock at how different they really are re: religion and culture and so forth. A friend just canceled her whole wedding ecause they realized they really didnt agree on their relig diffs after all. I guess I was trying to avoid that and figure it out as best I could early. So I WAS true to myself in that intent, but you are right- I wasn't exactly happy doing it since I wasn't getting any huge sacrifices come back to me on his part when I needed him. It put me in a sticky place- I knew if I wasnt going to bend in a way, I couldnt be with him. I just never realized how much he wasnt willing to bend for me, and that was a problem. One of the HUGE cons I need to focus on now. Thank you for your advice.

VM- I read your email last night around 5 am after I came in from my night, and I could barely keep my eyes open but I really almost cried! ESPECIALLY the part about people who pass themselves off as moral and are really self-absorbed. As of now I somewhat believe that my ex is one of these people, however, hes a closet example (everyone still and always did think he's god's gift). I wish everyone could see how it really is...maybe they will. I am feeling the best today I have felt yet over this, and I think last night I just realized I cant do anything, I am so hurt and angry with him yet I should try to let it go. I shold try not to think about the two of them together. I dont want to know. Im starting to realize that he is young and obviously much more immature than me and I hope someday he realizes what he lost and regrets it. Otherwise, I have to keep remembering how wonderful I am and try to go from there. I still cant help thinking Im getting what I deserve because of what I did to my high-school bf. I know its not helpful to think that way, but I do- goes to show what kind of person I am. I am trying to put it out of my head.
Last night the guys were seriously lacking at the lounge I was at and it sort of made things worse for a while when I was there because i kept comparing them to him and realizing I wanted him...and then thinking how I cant have him and feeling depressed. And how this girl has him in some way now and probably is as infatuated as I was in the start of our rltsp. Everything about my guy on a visual, shallow level was beyond perfect for my taste and going out among guys in a visual, shallow way is really hard, Im not interested in any of them because they REALLY dont measure up. I hate the fact that I most likely have to lower my standards, but I guess we'll see. Im not exactly looking right now, Im not stable enough yet, so..?





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