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Re: To Murray-
Jan 25, 2006
My ex was very unexpressive with his feelings when it was a really large issue...sometimes I swear I would unload all of my emotions and he would just say "Im sorry" and "I understand". Sometimes he was great- told me he loved me all the time for no reason, would show his affection like crazy...there were 2 extremes, and the first extreme was the majority of the time. Near the end, I described it EXACTLY like banging your head against a wall. He admitted that sometimes it would take him days to collect his thoughts and figure out how he felt...are you serious?! That was so annoying. I think this 'friend of his' aka new girl is exactly the same situation Raaar- a way for him to get his ego back and bottle up his feelings.

So, due to that, when he started acting wierd and I asked him and he gave me no real reason, I became very unhappy- I would voice my feelings and nothing would change. I felt very unloved, and I think the truth of it was, he just loved himself more than me to the point where I was giving him a wounded ego. I became a tad clingy too, ut after a week of that, I made my own plans a lot- and that was hard ecause I wanted to e with him! When I was in his area, he'd say 'are you sleeping over' and I'd say no. And he wouldnt even care! This happened a few times... so then I got more upset, because here I am self-sacrificing all over again and wasn't I trying to avoid that through my distance? Its the SAME situation as you Murray.

And you know what I said to my friend last night? I shouldnt have to regret being a little clingy and emotional at the end because I was insecure about my boyfriend's change of feelings for me...there should be no change, period. I was not the problem, he was. Sure, maye I pushed him away in the end but do I really want someone who I have ignore so he will come back and treat me nice again? Thats not a relationship. And to be honest, Id rather chase my boyfriend and express my honest feelings than play games and 'ignore him' to see if hed come running ack. If he wasnt going to be responsive when I said- 'you konw what? You are taking me for granted' and cried and expressed how I missed him- then Im not going to blame myself because I was 'too clingy'- it was clearly his problem, he even admits it, and he didnt want to help me to feel better or give me any more than the 30% he was giving me. I am also clearly more dedicated than him in fixing prolems, as I would have never ditched him and dated a friend he knew, like he did me, without trying my hardest to work thigns out; so once again, his issue.

Hey citygirl

Just reading through your post, and I agree, when hearing what you guys have been saying it's like I was hearing myself talking! I found myself being what some would call "needy" or "clingy", but I realise that was only because HE was neglecting me and I was trying so hard to compensate for the lack of time, affection and support from HIM. I felt so deprived of the love that he once showed me and I suppose I just tried to draw it out of him in the end.

I did the EXACT same thing as you in that I was so desperate for the attention I needed I would make end up playing games with him (which I hate doing) by making more and more plans without him, and not calling him or going round to his in the hope he would miss me and come and see me etc. But I was so frustrated with his lack of interest I would end up calling HIM and asking him to come round. There was one evening where I was feeling quite unwell as I had a bad cold and sore throat and it was really getting me down (as I am a singer the sore throat meant i couldnt sing :() and I asked if he would come round and keep me company and cheer me up. He said yes and said he would call me when he was about to leave his place. I waited for ages and ages and he didn't call, so I phoned him up and he said "oh I decided to go out with (insert names of t****r mates here), I would get bored round your place." This REALLY REALLY upset me and I actually cried down the phone to him-I was ill, lonely and neglected. He just told me to stop being stupid. I felt like it was my fault for wanting him to come and be with me and that I must be a really horrible person that he didn't want to see me :( Once, when he was very ill for about 2 weeks, and his parents were on holiday (back when he still lived at home) I actually came to stay at his house and looked after him. I cooked him meals, helped him dress, washed his clothes, bought him medicine, put videos on for him, phoned up all his students to cancel all his lessons (he is a guitar teacher)!!!!! I did all this for him, but he couldn't even be bothered to come and spend the evening with me when I was ill and went to the pub instead.
Does it make me crazy that I was upset about this? It made me feel totally worthless and that I was repulsive.

God, I am just so mad at him. It makes me so angry to think that he is off now with his new girlfriend being really happy and it makes me feel that I am just the worst person in the world. Why does she deserve to be treated well, whereas I was made to feel like a piece of s**t? of course I don't know anything about their relationship, but it is just so unfair how he gets to be happy and go on with his life without being upset and I'm doing all this grieving. I hate him hate him hate him HATE HIM for doing this to me. I dont deserve this :( I feel like such a loser. I put so much into that relationship and now i'm left with nothing. Why do I feel like such a waste of space? Why has he got over me straight away? Why did our 4YEAR relationship not merit a grieving period from him? Am I so horrible that I am so missable and unloveable? All of this has really crushed my self esteem down to the ground.

I'm sorry just having a bad day :(

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