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Re: To Murray-
Jan 23, 2006
Hi girls-
Let me try to help. I am sorry you are all having bad days. Ive been there, ha, just 3 days ago! Ive acted neurotic and felt slightly irrational and trust me, its ok. I am having a pretty neutral day- havent tried to think about it much.
My situation is a little different than all of yours, so therefore I think I might harbor A LOT more anger, hatred, and disgust toward my ex and the situation than you all do. I know I can never, EVER take my ex back after this betrayal. What he did in general, the way he dragged me on, kicked me to the curb, the lies he told me, and the way he turned it all around on ME when I got upset makes it easier for me to concentrate on his negatives. Seriously, if you want to read my old threads like I always say, Im sure you all can relate to a lot of them (Lals49 and citygirl)...they go back to the end of Sept. when I started having issues with him. Sometimes it helps to read other's situations from an unbiased standpoint, form your opinions, and then apply it to yourself.

Coming from a person who I thought did no serious wrongs (you know those 'what would jesus do' bracelets that Christians wear? Well, haha imagine inserting your boyfriend's name in there...haha Im not quite totally serious but its along those lines...I really thought he was such a wonderful person) he hurt me more than anything I could ever imagine. Not only did he hurt me, lead me on, lie to me and then try to say I was overreacting/being hurtful, he was completely disrespectful, confusing and cowardly about it from the start. So heres my advice for you all-

Im going to start out listing the negatives about my ex (there are a lot of them now) and I hope this can get you guys thinking about the negatives with yours. This is what gets me through to the point where I can walk down the street smiling and having a good time, knowing I would never in my right mind treat someone the way he did. Therefore, I'M the better person that comes out of this. I dont want someone that wants me, first of all, and I dont want someone who is OK doing what he did to me. Here goes:

- he was so cowardly and low that he couldnt even pick up my calls throughout this fiasco, not to mention meet with me face-to-face and give me the respect I deserved to talk about stuff.
- he was a hypocrite, telling me people should never jump into a rltsp right after a long-term one because it looks really bad and is disrespectful...and, wait? Didnt he just do that?
- hes selfish
- he led me on by a string because he was too immature to tell me the truth of the matter.
- when blatantly asking him if he wanted to date other girls, he said NO. When blatantly asking him about dating this specific girl, he said no- why would you think that? Well, this is why! Haha. Cause you are!
- our rltsp was never equal and he never showed me appreciation for the things I sacrificed for him
- hes so egotistical that he had to turn it around on ME and blame me for getting upset and hurting his feelings! He can't even handle his guilt like a mature adult.

I could go on and on, Im so bitter and hurt, but you guys get the point. Try to do this. It really helps. Also- make a pros/cons list. It sounds cliche, ut I did that, and the cons I had on my list were very huge cons! And the pro's were much smaller and shallower; with him hurting me so much, it negated a lot of his pros anyway!

It bothers me that this guy can get away with being such a low person after I put all of my faith into him. So that is the thing I am dealing with now- I am sure he is downtown with his friends who thinks he is great and this girl most likely does too, but the thing is, he's not. And who knows if they will realize it. And I just have to rely on the fact that, whether they find out or not, he has to live with what he did to me, a person who did nothing but love him. Theres nothing I can do, so all I can do is hope that he will get is, and Im glad that this happened in a way, because it made me realize his true colors and that he is nowhere even close to who I thought he was.

I hope this helps you!! It might not be easy to do this until you have progressed a little more with the change of dealing with a huge void (that was the hardest in the eginning). Of course I still think aout the positive, intense and wonderful moments we had and that is when it hurts. Maybe all of your situations are not like mine because you still see your ex as this great person, but trust me, it makes me feel a lot better. Yet, if anyone has come out of this situation a better person, it is me, because I realize how wonderful I am and how my ex, this changed person that he is now, does not deserve me. Hes a stranger.

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