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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Am I too needy?
Jan 23, 2006
Hi, Steakie :wave:

Some may call this needy or OCD or insecure or weird or abnormal, but I think you hit the nail on the head in your example No. 2 -- you said you need a self-esteem boost. As I read every one of your examples, I can see these all resulting in a self-esteem boost for you.

You made me wonder when was the last time DH gave me a compliment. It was last night. I used to be a pretty bad cook. Everything had to be quick if I made it or take-out. Six months ago, I decided for health purposes that I needed to learn how to cook -- really learn how to cook gourmet good and learn all about nutrition, etc. DH's eyes pop out of his head now every night as he's licking his plate clean, thanking me so much for doing this, what an unbelievable dinner, "I love you, I love you, I love you." I mean, I didn't really set out to do this so I could get compliments or anything other than prolonging our lives with a healthier -- and tastier! -- diet. I set a goal, tackled it, learned, made a few mistakes along the way and achieved it. Now I feel great about it. After all the flowers DH has brought home to me and all the "You look greats" over the years, the best, heartwarming compliments I've gotten in a long time from him are resulting from a direct action I took upon myself -- for myself.

And I think things like this automatically boosts your self-esteem, whether it's cooking or getting a great new job, getting a promotion, passing a really hard class with flying colors, learning something new, getting active with a community group or making a new friend with similar interests.

Maybe if you can achieve more self-esteem for yourself from other aspects of your life, you won't feel as "needy" with your boyfriends/partners (and I'm not saying you are).

Is there treatment or therapy available to help you cope with your OCD? If it involves counseling, maybe you could discuss self-esteem/insecurities, as well.

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