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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

hey everyone...

this is my situation. i had my first bf when i was in highschool, which is 4 years ago. it lasted for like a year. it was one of those 'puppy love' the 'not-so-serious' or 'immature' relationships. however, i have my first serious bf now. i am his first gf, first kiss, first evrything.

he is a fragile person and i really dont want to hurt him. the things is, he's not my first kiss and first everything. and whenever he is reminded of that, i can see he's hurt.... and when he is, he goes silent on me.. he gets too hurt sometimes he thinks of letting go.

something happened to me before we knew each other. i got drunk and a guy took advantage of me. he forced me to do it and that was when i lost my virginity. it's killing me to talk about it right now, but i have to, for you guys to understand.

my boyfriend knows about this. and i know he is struggling about this issue, and i am too. when we talk about it, my hands get cold and shaky, and i feel like throwin' up. i know he is very hurt about this. i want him to be my first. but i can't change my past.

but he is the first and last guy i am willing to make love with.

i have these pasts and i know it's hurting him.. he has had dates before we knew each other and i even get jealous when i think about it. now i can't imagine how bothered he is just remembering the past i have?

yesterday, we got to talk about the issue about his dates.. i was trying to ask for their names in a playful way... it took him a while to answer but then he eventually did. but then he told me that that was it, nothing happened, no kissing and all. and he told me again that i am his first. now he asked for my ex bf's name.. then he said 'nevermind.. i dont wanna know'

that started everything, because we were both reminded about my past again. we left the conversation hanging. and now, i can feel that the memory of my past is still haunting him.. and i am deeply hurt... though i dont know how to talk to him about it. im not good with words... i just really need to make him feel better....

i want us to really talk about it in a way that we can let it go and put it behind us..

i really love him so much and i dont want to see him like this...

please help...

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