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Relationship Health Message Board


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to give you brief background, my boyfriend on 3 1/2 years went to work in another country for 2 months prior to xmas. He befriended a group of people from his work there - one being a girl, sorry woman at least 8-9 years older than me, I'm 24. Every weekend he came home she would call him non stop, he would say it was about work but at times he had only just left work. Then the texts started, even when he was on nights out when home. He always said that i had nothing to worry about and even invited me over to the leaving night with them all, including this girl. I hadnt seen my b/f for 2 weeks when i arrived to meet him, she called him right away, telling him she was still in bed, late for work, etc. I was hurt and annoyed especially as she knew he was meeting me at that exact time. Anyway, we had a great day together, then she called again, they were on phone for at least 20 mins again, and again he claimed i had nothing to worry about. That night he called her and text her to find out where she was as it was getting late and still hadnt arrived. Eventually she did and she did not look at me in the eye. She spent the whole night looking at him and pouring her self over him. I drew his attention to this and i said it was ok, i was here and that i knew he was mine. Well he took it wrong way and we had huge fight in front of her and every one else! it was all my fault of course he said and that i had ruined his night. We fell out big time and he said that he felt he was losing me, called me a nutter and said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore. we went home and the texts and calling didnt stop, we split up for a week but all time he said he loved me. i moved back home with him and things started progressing, I discovered that he was an occasional cocaine user, much to my disappointment. We sat down and discussed everything that had been going on. He said that he had never been interested in anyone else, he loved me and wanted to be with me, he said he would try to stop the drugs, i agreed there were somethings i had to change and vowed to do so too. Then on our first night out together since everythin happened, he confesssed to me in the middle of the nightclub that he ahd just taken cocaine, i was gutted and was determined that it was now over as he wa showing me no respect whatsoever. We got over things and to bring you all up to date, it turns out he been lying to me again and keeping things from me. He has booked to go back to meet up with these people he worked beside, including her. he tells me he is taking his friend (male) however, the hotel that is booked is luxury with double bed and jaccuzzi. He swears he didnt book it, the friend did! I then discovers that on receiving the confirmation of the booking that he called this girl right away to tell her....all the while i knew nothing about him bookign up - everyone knew except me!! he said he didnt want to tell me until the time was right as we had been getting on so well. i was livid. Now he has put a lock on his mobile phone with password. I am concerned he is cheating. We have just booked our own holiday but there is something not quite right. I am suspicious to the hilt and concerend that he is staying in the hotel with that girl. When i asked him about the double bed, he said they couldnt get a twin room, i called the hotel and checked - he was lying. There were twins available.

As I'm writing this am thinking it doesnt look good and i'm terrified that he is lying to me and treating me like a fool. I so want to trust and believe in him and our relationship but something is holding me back. I want to confront him again but he says he wont say one more time that there is nothing going on and that he loves and wants to be with me and that i'm his life. He was also offered a permanent move to this other country but he refused.

How would you guys deal with this??? any advice and how again should I approach this and express my concerns without a full blown riot starting!

Thanks





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