It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=angel_light]Yea, I know there is something seriously wrong, she just emailed him a little bit ago about how when he called her back she did not get his email addy from the message. See.. I cannot check his email unless he is not home, because he has it saved on his pc only.

I hate what this is doing to me... it is making me a paranoid woman, not only about the relationship but about myself... I hate acting this way... I was just looking in the mirror and I thought man.. .I am so ugly in my thoughts about everything going on.. why did I become like this...

Why would he do this to me again. Why is he accepting her calls.. I do not know if he is still in love with her or what. I wish he would just tell me already and get it over with instead of making me waste time with someone who is in love with someone else. I know I should be mad at him and not completely at this lady...But I hate her.. I do I hate that she had to track him down for 8 freaking years. You would think by year 2 or 4 she would have been like ok.. well it has been this long so he is probably married by now etc... but no.. she had to come back into his life and try to ruin our relationship..

Maybe he wants to make me jealous.. and I have just stopped saying anything to him because then he brings up stuff from our past and how I betrayed his trust by talking to my friends when we frist started dating. He was psycho in the beginning... I would never cheat on him.. but now I have become bitter and I hate and do not wish to marry any man right now.

I still love this a**. I just wish I would get an explanation of why... Do guys need to talk to their old crushes? Should it be ok that he is talking to her after she told him to leave me? Am I being unreasonable and am I just being a psycho b*tch myself???

I am just so sad right now.. so broken hearted that he is even talking to her anymore.. I wish she had freaking listened and stopped calling..

Do you think I should call her and tell her how I feel, and ask her why she is doing this? Should I? I might break his trust by getting into "his business" but he has already broken my trust by calling her and emailing her again.. .[/QUOTE]

I am sorry to hear about this latest contact, Angel...you really deserve so much better! In my opinion, your fiance is not remotely worthy of you, considering all the flirting he has done while supposedly committed to you. He is, and hasn't ever, from what you've shared in the past, acting like a man who is ready to be married and be a loyal, faithful husband. I really hope you don't marry him anytime soon, and that you give some serious thought to the excellent advice you are getting from people like Hiya and Gypsy Archer. I'm not sure how much experience you've had with relationships other than the one with your current partner, but this is NOT the kind of behavior that takes place in relationships that are characterized by mutual respect, consideration, and commitment. This is NOT normal behavior, especially among couples about to get married!

Understandably, you are placing a lot of blame on this woman, but you should realize that you have no control over her behavior and she has no ties to you and no real reason to obey your wishes. Clearly, she's screwed up and shouldn't be going after a man who is involved with another woman, though I'm not sure your fiance has even shared the extent of his relationship with you. Because this woman has no obligation to you, calling her will not help at all, and it may even inspire her to compete with you even more than she has already and pursue your fiance even more aggressively. Blaming her and blaming yourself for this situation is not going to help anything either, and it is definitely misdirecting your anger and frustration. The only person who should be attracting blame is your fiance, because he is the one with the power to put an end to this and the one with an obligation to be faithful to you. Unfortunately, it sounds like he likes talking with this woman and he was even quite excited about the prospect of getting involved with her...I still can't believe he had the nerve to turn this around and attack you for wanting him to stop contacting her and tell you that he could go see her alone if he wanted and that you had no right to object or criticize her! That is incredibly offensive and absolutely unacceptable behavior--I am really concerned for you and for the effect it's having on your self-esteem to be with a man who treats you so disrespectfully, making you doubt yourself like this and feel so insecure within your relationship.

A good man, the kind of man you should be with and definitely the kind of man you deserve to marry, would never have gotten involved in this situation or with any of your BF's past flirtations with other women. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if more had happened than you are aware of...his behavior sounds so consistent with a man who doesn't see anything wrong with being unfaithful or at least becoming inappropriately emotionally involved with women other than the one he's committed himself to. I don't say that to make you feel bad, but to reassure you that you are completely justified in everything you've been feeling about this, and to try and convince you that you deserve to be treated MUCH better than you're being treated, so that you will at least hold off on marrying your BF until he learns to appreciate and respect you. I'm inclined to doubt that you will ever be as happy and secure as you should be within a relationship as long as you're with your current BF, who doesn't seem to have any clue how to behave like a loyal, faithful, and respectful partner. You need to believe you deserve to be treated with respect, and refuse to settle for anything less, before you are going to be treated as well as you should be treated, and for that reason, I think you would be much better off if you left this relationship. The fact that your parents agree should be yet another big red flag against your fiance. Also, thinking that getting married will make everything better and make you feel more secure in this relationship is a very dangerous and misguided idea. In fact, getting married is likely to make these problems worse and make your fiance act even more inappropriately with other women, thus causing you to feel more paranoid, insecure, and unhappy than ever before. I would truly hate to see that happen to a sweetheart like you, and I really don't think your fiance deserves you if he'd allow you to feel like this.

Please don't let him brainwash you into thinking that you're the one with the problem and that his behavior is normal or appropriate, because this couldn't be further from the truth. A good boyfriend would never pay attention to another woman in anything but a detached, platonic manner, and he would never allow anything like this to go on that would make you feel insecure or anxious about the stability and security of your relationship. And he definitely wouldn't consider visiting a woman who has so clearly gone after him in a romantic and sexual manner, much less attack you for objecting to her pursuit, to the idea of them spending time together alone, etc! He is way out of line, and while I completely understand your anger and hatred toward this woman, which is quite justified, your fiance is the one who is obligated to protect your feelings and your relationship, not this woman, therefore he is the one who deserves the blame. Please don't misdirect the blame at the other woman or yourself when it should rightly fall on your fiance! And NO, guys do not need to talk to their old crushes, at least not if they are involved in current relationships, in which case good guys would avoid any such contact with exes out of respect for their girlfriends' feelings and the commitment they have made to be faithful to her. It is SOOO not okay for him to be talking with her, especially after knowing how you feel about it, and you are not being AT ALL unreasonable! Please, please don't let him convince you otherwise while insisting that his own behavior is totally acceptable and normal, and especially not while he's claiming that you have no right to criticize this girl or object to him visiting someone who is so obviously trying to steal him away! The fact that you are worrying about breaking your fiance's trust really worries me, as does you thinking about calling the woman, when you really need to be blaming and confronting your fiance about this. He is WAY out of control and not treating you with nearly the respect ANY woman in your situation deserves, and I hope you strongly consider taking a break or leaving him because of everything he's put you through...things are just not going to improve until he realizes that you know you deserve better and are not going to tolerate his outlandish and completely unacceptable behavior. Please take good care of yourself, and good luck!





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:58 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!