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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: I'm so sad....
Jan 29, 2006
Hi Nwhat :wave: :angel: :bouncing:,

Your post brought tears to my eyes...while I absolutely hate to hear that you are suffering from such horrible pain and it breaks my heart that we both have firsthand knowledge of what living with this torture is really like as well as the toll it takes on every other aspect of our lives, a tiny part of me was filled with happiness when I read your post just because it was so touching and gratifying for me to come across someone whose situation I understand and empathize with so completely and wholeheartedly. Something about your words jumped out at me and makes me feel very strongly as if we could truly understand each other and provide support for one another, so I really hope that you will keep us all posted on how things progress concerning your relationship and also anything else that you’d like to share. Unlike the real world, people are here because they genuinely care about the other posters here…that might seem kind of silly or hard to believe, since none of us know each other, that’s one of the best things about these boards (welcome, by the way!). People are here to listen, to care, to offer support and advice, and just to be here for each other in whatever way we can. The same is generally true on the Pain Management board or, I’d bet, just about any other board you can find on this site.

Again, I know it sounds silly, but since my pain has left my stuck in bed, not feeling well enough to go out and socialize like I used to, this board has been a lifesaving link to the outside world and an invaluable source of wise insights and advice for me. I don’t think I could have coped with my chronic pain as successfully as I have without the amazing support of all the great posters here and perhaps even more importantly, I know I would have probably broken down and lost it completely following a painful breakup last year if I hadn’t been able to trust that I could reach out to my friends here and that they would respond with an outpouring of concern, love, and support that completely overwhelmed my always high expectations for the quality of advice here and that totally touched me and provided a lifeline when I needed it most. I’ll never forget that my wonderful buddies here have never failed to there for me whenever I needed encouragement, insight, or even just a little compliment to brighten my day. Regardless, my friends here seem to unfailingly sense what I need from them before I even realize it myself in many cases, and I never have to ask twice before the wonderful people here come through for me and somehow always manage to exceed my ever-escalating expectations for the quality of their loving, kind, and caring support. I am not usually a particularly sensitive or emotional woman, so I don’t mean to go on and on with all this gushing, and I certainly would hate to sound sappy, but I do think it’s important to assure new members of our community here that people here do genuinely care and, as many have health problems themselves, even more importantly, they truly understand what it’s like to struggle with all the obstacles life throws in front of us on top of a chronic illness, and just that little bit of understanding and empathy sometimes makes all the difference in whether or not I end up feeling loved, cared for, and happy, or whether I end up completely miserable at the end of a really rough day.

If you haven't already explored it and posted there, I hope you'll consider checking out the Pain Management board here and introducing yourself...I don't actively post about my situation because it doesn't really change and I've tried everything anyone has ever suggested as a possible way to help cope with my pain. However, the people there have a great deal of empathy and unfortunately, like us, have firsthand knowledge of living with chronic pain, and you never know who might have a little tidbit of advice to offer that proves to make a positive difference in your life. There are also some other boards, like back problems, that you might find helpful, or at least consider looking through sometime when you’re looking for some distraction or procrastination online. I don’t know how your other relationships with friends and family are faring these days, particularly with your pain getting worse—you poor sweet girl!!—but a lot of times, I’m not really myself when I’m having a tough time with pain, and there was this letter written by someone suffering with chronic pain to the “normal” people in his or her life there that was incredibly helpful and enlightening to a bunch of different important people to whom I passed it alone. Here is the link if you are interested in checking it out:


The most important thing is to remember that no matter how hard and bleak things may seem at a given point, you are far from alone, and there are plenty of people who care about you very much no matter what, including one incredibly precious little baby girl who loves her mom more than anything without any conditions attached or holding back whatsoever. My heart really breaks for you thinking about all the terrible pain you must be in, especially when you also mentioned that the people around you don’t understand in the slightest how difficult, exhausting, and depressing it is to be saddled with the terrible burden of a pain condition that never seems to change or give us relief no matter how desperately we need a break from the torture. When I really think about all that, and consider that it sounds like you have similar pain to mine on top of a multitude of other pain problems, it’s that much more amazing and awe-inspiring that you manage to accomplish everything you tackle each day. You’re truly a remarkable, heroic woman for being able to cope and function as well as you do, especially for your daughter’s sake (actually, you remind me of my mom, who worked her way up the corporate ladder and worked incredibly hard so she could succeed enough to give me every possible advantage and opportunity, especially when it came to education. I really do understand what it’s like living in pain and as a result my heart goes out to you completely and I admire you more than I can express in words.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing with everything, particularly if you need any specific advice or support—I'm inclined to think the smartest first step is to figure out if your partner, or else you and your little girl, can go stay somewhere for a few weeks until you are financially and logistically able to get on without life without such a negative burden and all that dead weight holding you down and burying you under totally unwarranted guilt and all his negativity. You of all people deserve to be happy and to clear your life of anyone who doesn’t have a positive effect on it, and this guy is no exception…not to sound like a broken record, but you deserve SOOO much better than that guy has ever demonstrated that he can give you, and you deserve to be happy and go after someone who will truly compliment you, enrich your life, and totally support you whenever you need him behind you. But you can’t open your heart to Mr. Right until you get rid of the dead weight and baggage you’ve been dragging around from Mr. Wrong for way too long now. I bet you’d be stunned at what a relief it would be to lay down the burden of guilt and sole responsibility that you’ve had to carry with you for years now, despite all the other burdens and obstacles you’ve faced and successfully overcome. It’s definitely time to start moving forward and sparing yourself from the misery and frustration this guy is causing you…I know it’s not like you can cut all ties forever, but you can and should start putting your own needs and best interests in front of his, because he’s already got someone putting him first and making him the center of their world (himself).

I really really hope that you are doing okay, that you are able to stand firm in your resolve to get rid of a toxic and very damaging influence in your life and work towards being truly happy and finding real love again soon! You deserve this more than just about anyone, and I can’t wait until we get an update saying that things are moving forward and that you’re feeling better—I don’t care how long I have to wait around here until you post something like that :D!! I am rooting really hard for you, and I know I am not alone here in doing so…please take good care of yourself and your sweet little girl and keep us updated, OK? I’m so glad to have come across your post, which has inspired and helped me more than you know, so I hope I helped you feel a little better in some small way, considering everything on your plate. Please try to be kind, patient, and a good supportive friend to yourself, especially during times of uncertainty and upheaval…but I just know you will be great when you get some distance between you and your (hopefully) ex and that you will come through this ordeal stronger and wiser than ever, just as you have emerged from all the past ordeals you’ve successfully overcome :). Hang in there and best wishes, along with big hugs and lots of luck!!

Love, Stacy

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