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I have a couple of threads on this same issue myself- I am with you, although I must say that after only a month you seem incredibly well put-together! I was a mess- couldn't eat, sleep, stop crying, etc. And I did have friends to talk to, although I just started seeing a professional to give my friends a break. It helps a lot- and Id never thought I would feel comfortable seeing a psychologist, but its been good for me.
My break-up was really messed up in the way it panned out. He was my first true love, and I just knew we'd grow old together. I sacrificed a lot for the relationship and ultimately just loved him more, I guess. I was very much betrayed, hurt, and led on when it ended, it was awful (and still is at times). I don't know about your situation exactly, but it seems like the end of the world no matter how it goes down. Although I really feel as though I am making headway lately, I get into these slumps where I feel like I will never find someone like him, or love someone like I did him, or find someone as gorgeous, etc etc. It is a constant rollercoaster of emotions, so dont feel that anything you might be feeling is abnormal, even if it sounds so. Its not. I have gone from hating him and writing him emails pouring out my emotions, to wanting him back, to feeling like I am over him, to crying about him again. I think the best place to be is to concentrate on his negatives and why the rltsp wasn't good (because, as much as you might not believe this now, you dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you). Sometimes I still think that if mine came back, I would want to be with him, cause I still love him so much, even through my hate and hurt. However, I know I cant. Its a hard stage to get to, the acceptance stage, but after you reach that point, it gets easier.
My advice is to cut off all contact (it seems as though you have). That is very important, and it took me around a month to do so. Write down your thoughts, go talk to a therapist, and try to keep busy (its soo hard). Try to keep your physical appearance up and that will make you feel better about yourself. Really try to focus on your positives and what you brought to the relationship and try to avoid blaming yourself, because most likely you did nothing.
And theres threads from me and other girls in the same situation all through this board, so check those out and you can see all our stories individually and the great advice we received. That might help, too, and keep posting with your thoughts so you can talk to someone and get it out- this site has been great for me to really get the extra support I need. You will get through this- I didnt think I would in a million years and I am doing OK. It takes time, and a lot of confidence and self-complimenting, but you can do it.
[QUOTE=citygirl23][...] My break-up was really messed up in the way it panned out. He was my first true love, and I just knew we'd grow old together. I sacrificed a lot for the relationship and ultimately just loved him more, I guess. I was very much betrayed, hurt, and led on when it ended, it was awful (and still is at times). I don't know about your situation exactly, but it seems like the end of the world no matter how it goes down. Although I really feel as though I am making headway lately, I get into these slumps where I feel like I will never find someone like him, or love someone like I did him, or find someone as gorgeous, etc etc. It is a constant rollercoaster of emotions, so dont feel that anything you might be feeling is abnormal, even if it sounds so. Its not. I have gone from hating him and writing him emails pouring out my emotions, to wanting him back, to feeling like I am over him, to crying about him again. [...]
My advice is to cut off all contact (it seems as though you have). That is very important, and it took me around a month to do so. Write down your thoughts, go talk to a therapist, and try to keep busy (its soo hard). Try to keep your physical appearance up and that will make you feel better about yourself. Really try to focus on your positives and what you brought to the relationship and try to avoid blaming yourself, because most likely you did nothing.
[...][/QUOTE]

You are right. I'm in a rollercoaster right now. I feel exactly the same way that you felt. I still love him, and I think that I'll always love him because I learned to love with him. But I can't stop my life at this point; I'm only 20 years old. It's true that he was there when I needed him. After my mom passed away he was the only one that cared about me. I have an abusive father; he used to beat me up. I could get away from him but he spent all the money that my mom left me leaving me broke. I live now with my mother's younger sister and brother, but I feel like an alien here. I don't really feel like they are part of me or my family. That's why I feel really lost without him, we planned our life together. I was there when he needed me, when his grandmother passed away and when his mother threw him out of the house, and I was there when he felt happy and complete. He did the same but now I don't know what to think about it. Whatever I did and whenever I went, I felt like I belonged somewhere, I felt like I've found my place. I felt safe no matter what. Now I feel like Iím all alone, like it's me against the world. I know I can do it; I'm a survivor because my mom taught me how to be one. And I won't disappoint her; she died wanting me to have a good life. But I feel alone right now, and I don't feel safe and complete anymore. I used to think that my friends were the family that I chose, and now I can't even see them. I tried to cut off all contact but I just couldnít, I have chicken pox right now and heís been trying to contact me because of that which only leaves me more confused. I donít know what to expect or how to react. Seeking professional help isnít an option right now since I donít have any money; I need to recover from the chicken pox so I can get a job. I just donít know what to do anymore.
[QUOTE=charlatans]Talking to my ex makes me so happy- even if its one SMS. SMS are great, i know exactly what you mean- no emotions, simple, straightforward etc.Just having him near. If I dont talk to him somehow I get very depressed. I know we are over but having a conversation makes the difference between me having a depressing day and a good day. Its strange. Most people would hate talking to their exs? Not me. As for prolonging the pain- i dont know. Im remaining hopeful about getting back together with my ex and even if we dont hopefully my feelings will go eventually whilst remaining happy and hopeful. does that make sense? are you remaining hopeful or planning anything?
Why did you and your ex breakup? do you contact him most of the time or is it a two way thing?[/QUOTE]
Talking to him also makes my day- I really don't know why he decided to break up with me, we had our fights as every other couple do, but nothing serious. Ex. I wanted to go to the movies and he wanted to stay home, nothing really serious. who knows what was he thinking. What hurts the most is that he doesn't wanna talk about it. so I don't really have any closure.

But he seems really sure about his feelings for me. That I'm just his best friend. To tell the truth I'm trying to give him some space, maybe he'll miss me. But I'm not holding my breath. I know that I won't stop loving him ever, but I'm trying to focus on other things. Patching myself up. If he returns I'm willing to listen to what he has to say, but I'm not enterily sure that in the first place he wants me back. It hurts but I got to keep my feet on the ground.

When he broke up with me, he asked me to be his friend. I said yes of course. But the day after it happened I just knew I couldn't do it. so I wrote him an e-mail telling him that I wanted to cut off all contact. He didn0't accept it, he says that I'm the only one who understands him, that I'm the only one that he could be with the entire day. I told him that he needed to earn my frienship again. I sent him a novel that pretty much describes how I am feeling and how it is that he hurted me.

He still doesn't get it. I seriously doubt that he's read the book. He keeps contacting me because I think the guilt is too hard on him. I don't know for sure but that's how it feels. Right now he's using the fact that I'm sick (chicken pox) as an excuse to contact me. I don't know what to do or what to expect from him. What do you think?





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