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[QUOTE=Ruth6:11]But the only thing I can truly fault him for is so single-mindedly wanting this business after 20 yrs at another job that he forgot that I may not be well-suited to be a small business owner's wife.[/QUOTE] Ruth, perhaps you can clarify something for me here....are you saying that Mr. Ruth made the decision to buy into a bowling alley without even discussing the idea with you??? I need to understand this a little bit more in order to best help you out. And forgive me for getting a little bit too personal here, but how much more money is he generating out of the bowling alley compared to his old job??? I know with a small business it may be difficult to really tell, however, things must have leveled off over the past 2 years to have a general figure. And....what type of work did Mr. Ruth do before this and did he like it??

To every single situation there is compromise!!! That is the number one thing I use in my marriage and in my parenting. If we do not have compromise we have stress, anger, and resentment building up which can place so much stress upon a relationship. I think in order to make things better in your marriage we MUST have a little compromise. We will figure that out more together once you answer the above questions for me. it's on to one of my favorite people ~ YOU!!! :wave:

First a big sigh of & out, in & out.....there now, I already feel better :D

First my friend, I need to know and ask you to promise (which I am sure I shouldn't even have to) is that you are taking your meds. I ask for myself and for that wonderful mom you sent my way!!! ;) With that being done we will move on....quickly is how you would like it, I am sure!!! :)

[QUOTE=Ruth6:11]I am looking for some help for me. So that I don't spend the time we DO have together whining and complaining. That's pretty self-defeating behavior if you want someone to look forward to coming home to you!
I'm pretty sure this is something that I have to figure out myself or that time will take care of all on its own.[/QUOTE] No one should be left alone to figure such a thing out!! :nono: Yes it may take time, but it [B]will not[/B] work itself out on it's own.

You are brave enough to tell us that you are whining & are being like the WIND, my friend!! There isn't one of us here who likes to be in a windy situation....we want to get as far away from it as possible before it damages out new hairdo, or causes us to shiver or even lifts up our dress for all to see our undergarments!!! :D We want to get as far away from that wind and seek shelter at the nearest place whether it be our car or a store OR even a bowling alley!! :eek:

Let's think about it....if Mr. Ruth knows that everytime he comes home he is going to walk into a storm that has been brewing which suddenly produces the wind that he just wants to get away from, who's to say that he wouldn't seek refuge by falling asleep or staying longer at the bowling alley when he could be home with you but figures he'll just be walking into another storm????

You need to change things a little, Ruth, in order to bring about that change you need in your marriage. You NEED to become that sunshine that warms up a room and invites Mr. Ruth into wanting to be in surrounded by the wonderful light and warmth it generates that makes him even want more.

Will this be easy??? Heck no!!! You feel as if you have done enough sacrificing already and why put an more energy needed to make a fact you & I have been somewhat programmed not to have to do so for [B]any[/B] brings back that feeling of somebody somewhat having control over us that we want to fight with every inch of our soul. However, Ruth, in this case it is necessary, for you have created, unnoticeably and unintentionally, and environment that is not good for either you or Mr. Ruth to be in. And I am sure that this not only affects MR. Ruth but you as well because, after being in such an environment, you have guilt and regrets and end up being in a vicious cycle of trying to make ammends but once again being triggered into being windlike until it eventually takes control of your domain and you yourself cannot even seek shelter from the storm!!

The only way to change it, Ruth, is to change that barometric pressure so that only sunshine is shining in the Mr. & Mrs. Ruth's window!!! :) It won't be easy to fool mother nature but you can do it and once you master it you WILL see somewhat of a change, a gradual one, that over time will bring about that what you seek the most in MR. Ruth, him enjoying spending time with you and making the effort to do so because HE knows you need it and he wants it too....who doesn't want to soak up the sun????

Now, I do not want to get away from the reality that a business owner, no matter how sunshiney it is, CANNOT just go out sunning when he has a business to run that, if he were to soak up the sun, would most likely plummet in terms of overall revenue. So we need to be realistic in the sense that there are some sacrifices involved when being a businessman's wife just like there are in being a militrary wife......they can be called to duty at any given time!!! I understand that you didn't exactly plan on that when you first married Mr. Ruth, but in many marriages there are job changes made for which we must as a couple make sacrfices and adaptations for, such as moving or investing more time and energies into, which seems to be the case for you.

My proposal is that once the weather pattern changes in your domain we can slowly interject the need for compromise and perhaps change of short and long term goals.....but to throw that into a storm, well it'll only get sucked up and blown away!! :eek: We will talk more about that once we get a forecast on the change in weather. Goody is hoping for a warm front moving in.....we can definitely use that and besides we don't need another headache setting in, do we??? ;)

((((HUGS)))))) and let's switch to some iced tea or lemonade, okay??? the coffee is making us somewhat shakey....we need a refreshment of some sort, don't we??? ~ Goody

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