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Re: Help please
Feb 7, 2006
thanks nohema and raar. Im going to write a long post now, explaining how I feel.

Last night I had come to accept its over and that we wouldnt get back together. It hurts so much. I thought id have improved slightly in the way Im feeling- after all it has been one month- but Ive turned for the worst. Im not eating again, not sleeping, crying randomly in public. The feeling is overwhelming. Ive stopped going to my lectures again and Im sinking into depression. This is killing me. Seriously. I dont want to see a counsellor. Ive been twice before for two seperate reasons- one relating to family and another an illness and neither helped. Ive been before and I dont think I want to go again.
i feel as though I have no support- other than this forum. I feel as though no one cares or really understand what i am going through. I feel so so alone.
At times I want him back so bad because I cant bear the thought of not having him in my life, because what we had was so good, because I think he is perfect and I love him.
Other times I feel so used and wortless, I want to rip out my internal organs because I think how uncaring he was, how awful he was- but I must admit I had my moments too but nothing compared to him. My worst nightmare come true- a little young boy having his fun with his girlfriend untill he grew bored and had enough.

I think back to how he cried whenever we had agruments, he'd cry to his mum and ask for me back. I thought he was in love with me. His behaviour did suggest this. He was mad about me. Silly problems occured which pushed him away. Then I think, did he really like me that much? How could that all disappear?? How? If only Id have acted a little less selfish, things would have worked out- i know that for a fact.

Im wondering what he is thinking about this all. I dont get the feeling to talk or message him again. But its tearing me apart- I really want to find out what he is feeling/ thinking. Maybe itd help me. Would it be wrong to ask him?
I know he shouldnt know how I am feeling, that I would like him back.

Maybe the only thing I can do right now is sit tight and wait- wait for him and wait for this all to disappear. I dont want to accept or admit anything right now. I dont think this would prolong the pain- hopefully itd just fade away.

Ill wait untill he is ok with being friends and wants to meetup- he said he would soon.
Maybe his feelings will come back? One thing Ill never accept is that his entire feelings for me has disappeared. Maybe after being with me, doing some of the things we use to do befoer, would bring him back. Afer sometime of being alone, missing, meeting up and doing the things we use to, without any emotional hassle may change things. This is an idea. An idea I would like to hold on to untill my feelings fade away naturally over time because it is too hard for me to let go now. This is my way of dealing with this. I know most of you will think of this as the wrong way. But I think this is how im going to deal with it.

Right now Ive got to get back into a routine...but I cant seem to do that when Im feeling this down...the only thing that brings me back up slightly is remainnig hopefull but not too hopeful. I just dont understand how it couldve become like this...

please help





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