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Re: Help please
Feb 11, 2006
oh hiya thanks for that post. makes so much sense.
my ex too broke things off on the phone...he has beena coward but i dont blame him...i hate hm at times but i love him.
i havent gained much from this experience either- ive had boyfriends before and learnt lessons from them. nothing from this. only that im madly in love with him.

i couldnt stop crying earlier so i called him and asked him how he can be friends with me after what had happened. he replied we could. we got talking and i finally got to tell him some things which i shouldve told him the week before we broke up- like how on the night that we broke up i was finally going to tell him how i feel and that we should stop playing games (which i honestly was, i was about to leave for his with a piece of cake, tried calling him, thught he was ignoring me and i sent a message saying i couldnt take this anymore). he told me he ended things because of the games i played- i explained all this to him- why it appeared so- i told him i wasnt playing games, explained how it was. i told him a lot of things whihc he shouldve heard a month ago, ,making things clearer. i cannot forgive myself for letting this carry on for one month and not telling him sooner. he started crying, asking me why i couldnt have done all this a month ago. he became very frustrated but he liked listening- well of course he did. for the first time he wasnt angry and shouting. he said he'd promise to think about things- he said thats all he ever does. he kept telling me it was over and that he doesnt want to get back together but will think about things now that he knows these truths. he said i should know that he would call me if he changed his mind. he told me he missed me. but he said the answer now is a definate no. he said he doesnt know what the future will bring but that he doesnt want me to remain hopeful. we had a really good conversation....then i asked him if this brought about any emotion or regret in him, he replied that the onl way hes been able to move on is by preventing himself from thinking about the past and forcing himself not to have any rergets. to me it does seem like he has forced this, by not looking back at all, by hiding- im sorry but i cannt believe his feelings have vanished. they may be hiding, they may not be as strong as they use to be- but i think he is lying, hiding the truth. he said dont remain hopeful and if i do change my mind that i will call you. he said he'd call in a few weeks time anyway to see how i am. i told him to talk to his family about this. this is progress. i know most of you wont agree, but this is my way of dealing with things...remaining hopeful and in the process hopefully my feelings will fade or they will finally accept slowly and gradually that things are over...i cant though untill i try...

maybe nothing will come of this. but i need to try. talking to him about these things, well since yesterday, seems to be having a slight effect on him...i think his problem is that he is denying a lot of things, hes being stubborn (hes saying no this is how i feel), at one point he said "dont make me look back otherwise...." and "i cant look back this is how im dealing with it and so should you."

i dont know whether to call him in a few days- no, i probably wont.
maybe ill txt him next week, something nice, bring back an old memory whihc wioll put a smile on his face. today on the phone we talked a lot about old times and we both enjoyed it. but ill be honest- he did make things clear that we arent getting back together now and he probably wont change hsi mind. but he may do.
i dont know how to go about making him see sense. i cant make him love me, i know that, but i can make him see things....
Re: Help please
Feb 11, 2006
ive just realised...he is hiding...he doesnt know it but it will hit him eventually and it could be too late. i know deep down, quite possibly so deep down it isnt surfacing for him to understand, that his feelings havent vanished...he is living in denial...i want to pull him out but i cant...
he says all these things to get rid of me, because he doesnt want to talk and look back because he thinks its easier tomove on but it wont...its hurting me like hell...
in time i will start to let go and think ***** it...
does this make sense?
please make sense of this for me...
maybe i just need to leave him, shut the door on him, then he''' come running...this is what all my family are suggesting...maybe tis true ive been running after him too much, and i have...i dont know :(
Re: Help please
Feb 11, 2006
[QUOTE=charlatans]ive just realised...he is hiding...he doesnt know it but it will hit him eventually and it could be too late. i know deep down, quite possibly so deep down it isnt surfacing for him to understand, that his feelings havent vanished...he is living in denial...i want to pull him out but i cant...
he says all these things to get rid of me, because he doesnt want to talk and look back because he thinks its easier tomove on but it wont...its hurting me like hell...
in time i will start to let go and think ***** it...
does this make sense?
please make sense of this for me...
maybe i just need to leave him, shut the door on him, then he''' come running...this is what all my family are suggesting...maybe tis true ive been running after him too much, and i have...i dont know :([/QUOTE]

I think your family is giving you good advice. Do what you can to get him out of your head.
Re: Help please
Feb 21, 2006
i woke up in a real state this morning, i had planned to wake up very early and go to my lecture but i was too fragile, i literally couldnt move in my own bed...the images of him and her, him being so excited with her, getting butterflies in his stomach, calling her to take her out, kissing her and not feeling anything for me but bitterness and spite. i thought he was mad about me, doesnt seem likely even once upon a time, does it? otherwise how could feelings vanish in the space of 3-4weeks as he put it? all feelings definately vanished otherwise the explanation of my side of what happened, declaring my love for him last saturday wouldve brought about something, even if it was some respect- or no, maybe just me being upset, him listening to how hurt i am would bring about something in somenoe who became very close to me? or simply he wouldnt have abused me so bad on the phone. he would have been more considerate. its my fault too, i shouldve stopped calling him, but i really thought there was a change of getting back together. what a fool i was. i also keep thinking that if we hadnt have talked so much and have him abuse me so much that things wouldnt have got to this stage and he wouldnt dispise me and that he would one day call again- the feeling of him calling freely on his own out of the blue appeals to me but it probably wont happen now even tho we agree to talk in a month (trust me, i dont want to at all, even the simple thought of him talking to me would push me over the edge)- its all come too much now. doesnt seem like he even cared once upon a time- screaming at me down the phone, calling me names, blaming it all on me= the emotional abuse hurts the most...:( for the past week my head has had a constant ringing in it from the shouting and abuse :( i didnt deserve any of this...i never did anything that remotely bad...yesterday was an all time low tho, he was taking the mick of out me crying...that hurt...
i woke up in a real state but now all your posts have helped me...thanks so much.
it is possible for me to tell him to go away.,i couldnt handle simply saying "hello" to him on the phone. yesterday we were talking online then he got frustrated and wanted to talk on the phone and i kept telling him i didnt want to because i was scared- i genuinely was scared of the possibility of him screaming and hurling abuse- he promised me he wouldnt so i picked up to hear what? you guessed it right. no, i dont want to speak to him ever again. it hurts way too much.
i really wonder if he'll miss me.
i cant believe he kept saying "lets take this month to simply see how we feel, i want to know, without pressure or anyting to be expected from me, if i have made the right decision. of course im going to think about things, ill think about getting back together if i want and when i want but i think ive made the right decision. ive started seeing jess and will be with her in a few weeks" this was the entire conversation for almost four hours. "who knows what the future will bring, i may miss you, i dont know because i cant predict the future. lets leave eachother alone. i dont know what life is like without you. let me see. but im pretty sure ive made the right decision." I CANT BELIEVE I SAT AND LISTENED TO THIS FOR HOURS, BUT WHAT MADE IT WORSE IS THAT HE KEPT SWOPPING AND CHANGING HIS MIND. he kept confusing me and when i asked for explanations he would end up screaming. i was too upset to put the phone down, i was too distraught to do anyting. i was crying and trying to make sense of things.
i gave him so much even after the breakup. it means so little to him, thats obvious otherwise he wouldnt treat me like an animal- even on the phone. who has he become? i serioulsy never ever saw any of this coming otherwise id have been out of this very quick. we shouldnt pretend this girl is not going to be better than me- she will be and he'll love her and itll be so longerm, i can feel it, i really can. and its tearing me apart. i dont know how to deal with it. can i ask for advice on how to deal with it please?? how do i not let it grind me down? i feel as tho ive been pushed over, face down, and im lying on the ground in the mud with no way of getting up...he wont miss me at all, especially when a new relationship is on the cards- at the beginning of relationships theres always excitement and a feeling of newness and starting afresh- hes got all those feelings. he wont miss me at all especially not after this week of intensity. he may possibly feel guilty but i dont want that. what would i like? haha, well id like him and her not to get together. id like last week not to have happened, especially ysterday. i wish i never met him. i wish i didnt have to be going through this pain. i wish he would one day call and tell me he misses me so much and that he wants me back. but none of this will come true. its all reality and altho ive accepted it, its bloody hard to deal with...its so hard not to cry...its so hard trying to pick myself up from the mud... :(
ive been such a fool and hes been so cruel
im afraid to say it but today im not feeling as strong as i was last night. i know im still madly in love with him. lastnight i promised myself that if my feelings returned that i would simply think about yesterdays phone call conversation and think about the way he treated me- i thought itd put me right off. it does but it doesnt put off my feelings of love for him, feelings of betrayal, feelings of hurt, abuse etc. i really thought a few weeks ago that i couldnt feel any worse, i genuinely believed that, but now look, ive been torn into a billion pieces...i cant function well at all...the feelings are so strong and neagtive i really cant deal with it
i dont really want to see a counsellor, i dont want to explain this whole situation again to someone, its too deep and complicated and i cant drag it all up again...this will just have to get better with time, i hope someone is watching over me because im so scared about whats going to happen to me in the future to come, im so scared this is going to take me a long, long time to get over....
whats happened to me is so traumatic :( i need help and advice please
i cant stand these feelings...i feel so down, i feel as tho i am not worthy of anything...i feel so ugly, i dont even want to look nice...i cant bring msyelf to even think about walking out of the house anymore...please tell me the best way to get over all these feelings i have
Re: Help please
Feb 25, 2006
a day after we broke up it was my cousins wedding and how i longed for him to be there...he said no
could feelings really have vanished just like that? :( it hurts
ill be honest, may sound stupid, but the breakup was such a HUGE shock...i didnt think it was going to be it...we always got back together
id do anythingt to get back what we had- or would i? havent i already done just about everything? wouldnt most guys treasure what ive done? well guys who had any feeling what so ever...
blimey this hurts sooooooo bad but at least i havent cried today but there is still a few hours til i go to bed and i prolly will cry...i lost something so good :( he is right to blame it all on me...he said i made sure he feelings didnt develop and was so mad, oh so mad, at how i didnt say all this at the right time
hmmmm sign
he is so perfect...everything ive ever dreamt of
maybe he lied about his feelings to me whilst we were together? bt saying that we were inseperable...you cant faket that?

i guess what id like now is for people to go over my breakup and tell me how it looks from the outside and maybe this will help me realise what i should be thinking/ feeling...





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