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Re: Help please
Feb 21, 2006
[QUOTE=charlatans]i want to feel strong and very confident again
i want to study and feel successful and feel proud
i want to look and feel beautiful again
i want guys to stare at me and take double looks whilst i walk down the street
i want to laugh and have fun
i want people to appreciate the sort of person i am- im not a bad person really[/QUOTE]

I was just reading your posts and something hit me about the list you made. I know how bad this hurts right now and that things are really difficult. I know that you still love this guy and are really hurting. But, I can't help but think that you don't actually need him to accomplish the things on your list. Maybe do some nice things for yourself. Little things might help you feel better and get some confidence back -- anything, like go get a manicure or have a make-over at a make-up counter. Try to get back some of your old spark. But in an effort with your appearance and maybe try going to the library to study. You'll feel better about your looks, get some school work done ... and hey, maybe while you're there, someone will do a double take. Maybe by putting yourself out there and in contact with other people, you'll start with the laughing and having fun again.

I know it seems daunting and overwhelming and that you're hurting. But I really think thay you should stop beating yourself up about what you think you've done wrong and start doing nice things for yourself. Try just working toward little things everyday and don't beat yourself up about it - just do your best and be proud of that.

Also, your list says "again" a lot. Which makes me think that when you first got together with this guy you were feeling beautiful, studying, confident, fun, laughing. If that's what attracted him in the first place, then that's what will probably attract other people (friends and bfs) and maybe him back.

Please be kind to yourself and concentrate your efforts on you! I had a bad breakup a while ago and was really hurting and blaming myself. My sister gave me the advice I gave you and it really helped me get out of my funk. It was hard ... but she kept pushing me (esp. after my cruel ex would call up just to tell me how much better his new gf was than me! Funny that now, years later, he's randomly calling and NOW he wants to get back with me -- AS IF!) At the time when I was feeling really low about the breakup & the way he was treating me, it really helped me a lot just doing little things for myself - little nice things to cheer me up. If you feel even a bit more beautiful, successful, confident, fun and happy ... other people will notice and see you that way too. Eventually, you don't have to force yourself to do stuff for yourself, the hurt starts to fade, and what's left is a beautiful, confident, happy, successful woman -- the woman you actually are!

Keep your chin up :)

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