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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Help please
Feb 12, 2006
I am going to go out on a limb here, and I am going to say something that might sound really mean. But I was once in the same spot as you, and what you are feeling reminds me exactly of how I felt when I was nineteen. I want you to seriously think about what I say. If it turns out I am just full of sh**, then fine. But be honest with yourself - is there not even a little bit of truth to it?

I don't think your problem is that you need to get over this guy. I think you need to get over [I]yourself.[/I] I think your ego took a big hit, and you are finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that this guy does not want you anymore.

When I first started dating, guys were falling all over themselves for me. Meanwhile, I tired of every boyfriend I had within weeks. I had an overblown ego and low-self esteem at the same time, however that happens. I had a summer job and my head was turned by a quiet, self-possessed co-worker two years my junior. I "chose" him, and we started dating. I fell for him, and was really excited because I felt like I had finally found someone that I wanted to devote myself to. As time went on I found him ever more attractive, instead of tiring of him. However, not two months later he tired of ME, and I soon found myself puzzlingly and inexplicably dumped.

What had happened? I was obsessed with this boy, I was planning for our future, he was all I ever thought about. And he didn't want me? How was that possible? I continued to trail him around, ask for rides home, always hoping that this little thing would clear up and he would come back to me, apologizing and begging me to be his girlfriend again. I made myself look like such a sniveling, pathetic little loser. I just could not get it through my head. I had picked him, I was giving him all of my love, and he didn't want it. How could he not want it? During our relationship I had even turned down what had to have been the hottest Columbian guy to ever walk the Earth. And he didn't want me?!?!

Like I once did, you just have to face the fact that this guy simply does not want you. It doesn't matter how much you love him, it doesn't matter how much you think you could have offered him. You can obsess about it for years, but it won't change anything. Just let sleeping dogs lie. Stop circling him with a stick in your hand. You have to get over yourself, just like I had to get over myself. Because I really think that you are not as sad about losing him as you are ticked off that somebody DARE break up you, how DARE they take you for granted and throw all of your loving intentions in your face! But he's not missing out. He doesn't CARE.

[QUOTE]i hold the deepest love possible for him but he doesnt want it[/QUOTE]

That is simply what is all boils down to. You are not a bad person, you are not ugly, you are not unpleasant, you are just not the girl for him. He's moving on, he's seeing other girls, he is having a grand old time. So is time for you to do the same. The more you stand around, insulted and dumbfounded, the worse you are going to make it for yourself. Just live your life, and have fun. This guy is.

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