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[QUOTE=angel_light]Here is a question I was talking with my SO about. Can girls and guys just be friends. My SO thinks that all my guy friends that I have known for years just want to get into my pants. Sorry to be so blunt. I do not think so though. I think actually a few of my really close male friends are like brothers to me, we joke around and like to talk about what is happening, you know? He has all of these women friends, does that mean he wants into all of their pants?

This gets flipped on me. I do not understand. I want to know what everyone thinks. Can girls and guys actually be friends no "feelings" at all?[/QUOTE]


no simple answer..

99% of them yes, want to get down your pants. all of them (unless they are gay) have thought about it... it's just the way guys are, we size most females up for "mating potential"

alot of guys don't know how to attract girls, so they initially approach you wanting to date, but you don't go for them... they hang around as friends in the hope you'll change your mind.

as i said, tomorrow if you split with your guy, and offered any of your guy friends either no strings attached sex, or a relationship, most of them would jump at it. some of the closer ones MAY not due to them valuing your friendship higher than risking it for physical satisfaction...

so in saying that. you can still be friends with them, but your fooling yourself if you think none of them want to get down your pants... no reason a friendship won't work, because i trust you have good enough judgement in people to associate only with those that would respect the boundaries on which you base the friendship

as for girls, they generally segregate their emotional attachments... either nuturing "he's like a brother to me" or reproductive "god he's hot i want his baby's"... it's almost impossible for a guy to be seen as both, and almost impossible for a girl to change her perception of him once it's formed... it's why so many guys get crushes on female friends and get shattered when it's not reciprocated.

so your SO is right in theory, but doesn't mean you should segregate from all your friends...

and of course i'm hypocritical, i've got a really close female friend that i wouldn't enter into a relationship/ sex with because of the risk of losing the friendship, but the temptation has crossed my mind.
[QUOTE=keepsgoin]I don't quite understand how the SO can say that all men(friends) want in your pants but he has girls that are just friends...this comment would make me think that he wants in their pants. :rolleyes:

[B]What do you guys think about being friends with someone that used to be either a wife or GF? Is it possible for a SO to accept that there is nothing going on and they can really be just friends after years of being more?[/B][/QUOTE]

Nice curveball.

yes at some point i'd put money on it that he did want these women sexually. however to understand this is to require a little bit of biology... study human reproduction and it becomes apparent that we did not evolve as monogomous creatures. 2 examples.

1. there are two types of human sperm, one type that goes for the egg, one type that embed's itself into the vaginal wall and loops it's tail around to capture sperm going past.

2. the foreskin is designed as a "pump" which effectively can be used to pull back earlier deposited sperm.

if it was a single guy for each girl, we wouldn't have evolved these mechanisms, because we'd get more chance of conception if we didn't hinder the sperm. There are a couple of behavioural ones apparent as well that are open to a bit of conjecture... i.e. why do guys become more attractive to women when their in a long term relationship?

so back to your topic, guys have a "list" where they rank the females they know in order of how much they want to sleep with them. as his SO, you are top of that list... these friends are further down the list. so he may still feel attraction to them, he won't necissarily act on it, for fear of losing YOU, the girl he is most attracted to.

whereas girls will have 2 lists... one for attractive potential mates, and one for "nurturing" friendships. men don't seek out this nurturing as much, thus only one "list"


[QUOTE=angel_light]Exactly, what do you guys think on the subject of him being friends with ex's that are still on good term, and being friends with girls who are or were in love with him, to being friends with just girls.... I would really like to see a man's point of view on this.[/QUOTE]


friends with ex's is a double edged sword. depends on the maturity of the people involved. as before, depends on whether they see their current partners as more important. i'm friends with 1 ex, and both of us know why it didn't work, and won't go back there, but it's a great friendship because she knows me so well, and i can be very open with her.

in my mind, find out the REAL reason it ended. if she cheated on him, they were together for 4 years, and they have been "friends" since the day they split, i'd be suspect, but if they ended just due to differences, one or both of them didn't feel the spark, and there has been a break between relationship and friendship (probably a good rule of thumb is 4 months apart for every year they were together).

again it's too hard to generalise human behaviour, but if you look at what makes each gender tick, and the background circumstances, you can make a judgement call.





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