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Hey guys!!

Yup, breaking up with him. He's a real piece of work I have found out and I have decided to lay down some boundries about who and what I will allow in my life to be emotionally healthy. I wrote a long letter, so there were no loose ends, gave his snowboard to his friend and that's it.

He will get the letter this morning. I know a letter is kinda bad, but I have a lot of trouble looking at him and not caving in, and I need to not cave in. Plus, he would interrupt me, get p/o, and it would turn into an argument. I was pretty nice in the letter, just stated that I learned a lot about myself, and that it was fun, but he can be a real jerk and makes me feel bad a lot of the time. That I don't like it, need it or want it in my life anymore, and that I will miss him.

Lots of words, but basically that is the gist of it. It gives the relationship closure that I can't seem to get with him, cuz he keeps reeling me back in. This should do the trick, altho it makes me kinda sad. Sucky, but had to be done!!! This is not good for me anymore and he has become a real jerk that wants me so bad if I don't want him. SO past that in my life, and he's got years and years ahead of that game crap.

Now for the kicker, we are both going to a friends b day party tonight, and spending the night at her house later. (snow storm, far away, etc..) Tickets are non refundable and cost a lot, plus, we are both good friends of their's, me more so than him--so if it doesn't get cancelled due to snow, we're going. It'll be a little weird to say the least, huh? Oh well--have to see how it goes I guess. I have more than enuf people to hang with to avoid him, but have no problem being friendly w/ him--I think he will have the problem.

Ok my cyber friends....wish me luck in the next few days getting thru this. I don't like feeling lonely, and can easily cave due to that but think this is different b/c I KNOW he is not good for me. Gotta rip that band aid off!!!
Hi Laurie, yep, a hard decision no doubt, but you know it had to be done. You need a mature man who can be an equal partner for you, and this young guy is not it, even though he has some nice qualities and is very attractive to you. As for the party, I'm not sure if I would go if I knew he was planning to attend. I am a little surprised you have close mutual friends, him being of a different generation than you and your friends. But since you said they are mostly your friends, hopefully he won't attend. Can you ask your friends if they know if he'd be coming? I can't imagine being able to be at the same house party with a freshly-broken up guy and have a decent time. I think the emotions would be too raw for that. Good luck whatever you decide, Laurie.
Thanks guys. Helps!! I just found out, he IS going, and I am SO not changing my plans b/c of it. Why should I, I mean, this girl is one of my closest friends, and she told me she would be glad to tell him to stay home, that she'd much rather have just me there. I told her dont, that it was more of a scene to do that. He is very quiet, and won't want anyone to know I dumped him anyway. Nothing will happen--until maybe when we get back to their place later on tonight--then--he may corner me--but I can take it.

Last night, he followed me up to where I was hanging out with the "wives"--the girls all cooresponded to the guys he was hanging out with. He showed up about midnight and I was having a great time. Had already written the letter, just had trouble with printing, or he would've had it last night. I was busy talking to this really cute guy and apparently, that was the talk this morning with everyone after I had left.

Mike (youngen) was asleep downstairs, I had already left, and they all thought he must have left with me, and I had caved. NOT!! I was gone at 7:30 am, and they proceeded to talk about what a jerk he was, and that he's going to lose me and deserves to, and that I am going to have NO problem moving on. The lady of the house went downstairs to get something and jumped sky high! He heard everything and they were quite embarrased--and HE"S STILL GOING TONIGHT after that!!! Holy moly--he is a persistant little thing with a massive ego, huh?

While I have been typing, my phone has gone off three times, my home phone once, and he has texted me to please call him. HA HA! Jeez--he wants to get things straight before everyone sees us, I guess. Too bad--this is just how he is, I swear. I don't want him, he wants me like crazy. Remember when that's how it used to be? YUCK! What a turn off it is now. Thank God it feels like a turn off and not a turn on anymore!!!

The guy from last night, Chad, is supposed to call me. He is good frineds with one of the "wives" from last night. He is younger, but only by 6 years this time, and I like that. She says he's a great, great guy--and she's a church mouse with an awesome hubby, so it's a good endorsement I think. Wish me luck, cross ur fingers and toes, and pray that tonight goes reasonably well. This party is for my friend that he doesn't like me hanging with, and is very, very mouthy--so if he's outta line at all, which I do not think will happen, she'll let him have it. Hugs to all!!!!!!!!!
[QUOTE=Ruby13]Never mind. Not sure how to put this diplomatically enough.[/QUOTE]
Let me give it a shot. This really seems like it's starting to become a very cruel game. He did behave badly, but how much, of this, is about this young man and how much of this is getting back at the next one to replace the ex you didn't get the opportunity to revenge yourself on?
If you are over him, why not talk to him and avoid a scene, at the party, for your friends, if not yourself? You seem to enjoy punishing him. At the expense of yourself, your and his diginity and your friends comfort. Just tell him, to his face, that it's over. If this is an object lesson, to get him in line, then it is a mean one and you are too hard on him. If you mean what you say, you are handling it badly because it is very cruel. I know he wasn't there, when you wanted him to be and would have preferred to blame it on you, but before that, you were relatively happy with him. One mistake and you see him as someone you can't tolerate? I think there are deeper issues, for you, here. How much of your actions are based on today and how much on the last 12 years? Not diplomatic enough Ruby?
honestly? I think it shows immaturity to a) not break up with him in person, b) justify that by saying that you would "cave in" while trying to break up with him in person, c)go to a party the next day that you know he will be at, despite the fact that you couldn't break up with him in person because you would "cave"--exactly what makes seeing him at a party where you know he will bring this up different from dignifying him with an in-person explanation as to why you're breaking up with him? (and, just out of curiousity, whose friend is having the party--whose were they first I should say? You guys with your 20ish age diff. couldn't have had mutual friends before you started dating...?)

It doesn't sound like much changed about this guy since you started seeing him. Except, that maybe he wants more out of your relationship than just good sex. Chances are, he thought that once your divorce went through, he would have that but it didn't happen. And if that's the case, I say, give the guy a break and say so instead of playing games and turning the tables to make it seem like he messed up.
[QUOTE=laurie864bla]Hey guys!!

Yup, breaking up with him. He's a real piece of work I have found out and I have decided to lay down some boundries about who and what I will allow in my life to be emotionally healthy. I wrote a long letter, so there were no loose ends, gave his snowboard to his friend and that's it.
[/QUOTE]

[SIZE=3][B]YOU GO GIRL!!!!! [/B] [/SIZE] My gosh! this is one of the few healthy postings I've seen in here!

I don't know the details of your relationship, but in defense of Laurie, there are times when you have to resort to letter writing..... "Dear John". It depends if the guy is going to flip out and start hitting her or throw knives at her. I had to resort to writing a "Dear John" letter to one guy I was dating because of the fear of him flipping out and he may physically harm me.

I wish you nothing but good things Laurie. You're a courageous, mature woman.

BTW, Hi Goody! :wave: :D
I must say that this was a big step for Laurie.....we must remember that she had 12 years of not being able to voice what she wants and what she deserves. Granted a letter is not the most mature way to go, but I think that it had more to do with Laurie NEEDING to find the strength to walk away from a relationship that she saw as possibly putting her into a similar situation that she just walked away from. In both cases her attraction to her ex husband and to this young man allowed her to stay much longer than was in her overall best interest or happiness. So......the letter was a safe way for her to accomplish what she felt she needed to do in order to not fall into another unhealthy relationship. I see it as a big step for Laurie and the young guy we must remember was a little wacky with the phone calls and such......I say no mater how Laurie chose to get out of this one, hats off to her for recognizing that physical attraction is not the only attribute a healthy relationship should possess. Young guy also had issues with her best friend and the party was for her best friend & she had every right to be there, even more than him. So I am glad she didn't allow young guy to deny her of being there to celebrate with her best friend. Goody would have done the same!!!

Anyway.....I hope we get an update from you soon Laurie....I personally would love to know how things went last night for you!!! ;)

And a big hello back to you too, Fabat :wave: Wondering why I deserved such a greeting but it's nice to get it!!! :D

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:
I don't think it could be labeled as a "relationship." Laurie knew this guy is just for fun and sex and there's no future with him. He was a boy-toy. I'm sure he enjoyed it too. So, I guess everyone had a good time and now it's over. Is there more to it than that?
I googled relationship which is defined as...... "a relation between people"; So in a sense there was a relationship between Laurie & young guy. The thing is that it occurred while Laurie was in the process of dissolving her marriage. A marriage which she described as being emotionaly abusive.

I think that young guy was a confidence booster and a means of getting Laurie on her feet again. Of this I am almost certain Laurie will agree. I also believe both parties were open & honest enough to identify the meaning of the relationship. Young guy knew he was dating a married woman and that there were issues to get over. Both knew that there were benefits for each in the relationship. And so there were really no guarantees of it's longevity.

The thing is, Laurie has come to the realization that the only direction this relationship would lead to would be something similar to what she was leaving behind. The guy was obviously controlling when calling dozens of times when things weren't going his way. I am sure this was a [B]big[/B] red flag for Laurie and she decided to get out before she was caught up in a similar pattern. And for this she should be commended!!! :bouncing:

I was in a similar situation and am guessing from personal experience that Laurie sees that her confidence booster was only going to lead her to further problems and that she does have things that must be dealt with before being able to pursue a relationship that will bring her the happiness she deserves.

And as was pointed out, Laurie is the only one who can say exactly what it is that is going on at this point in time. Even those of us who can imagine what that is are only speculating based upon experience. The one who can truly tell us what is really going on would be Laurie herself. And we patiently await an update from her!!!

~ Goody :wave:
Well, to me it's clear that the guy is just a kid. He's simply immature, that's all. You can't expect much more from a guy his age. Nobody should expect a 21-year-old to be capable of handling a relationship with a much older woman with two children. It was pretty much a given from the start that this would not go anywhere, so there's no point blaming young guy or anyone else.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Well, to me it's clear that the guy is just a kid. He's simply immature, that's all. You can't expect much more from a guy his age. Nobody should expect a 21-year-old to be capable of handling a relationship with a much older woman with two children. It was pretty much a given from the start that this would not go anywhere, so there's no point blaming young guy or anyone else.[/QUOTE]
I agree. Laurie said from the beginning that this was just for fun.
OK---SO---You are all SO right, in so many different ways. Really perceptive, honest folks on here, and it's much appreciated, really. I really DO recognize all of the the theings you said in some way being very true. Future, no. Fun, yes. Issues with him, yes. Issues with me, yes, definitely! LOL

S, that being said, once again---I'm gonna tell ya what happened, and be glad this board in annonomus!!LOL Boy and I gona get blasted, but I can be honest here, right?

I went to Cari's, my very close frined now, and his friend before, altho they never like each other that much. He is good friend with her boyfrind, and tolerates her. We all met there to drive in SUV's in the snowstorm, and he showed up and saw his snowboard in the foyer. He gave me some earrings of mine, we thanksed eachother, adn I chose to rife in a different SUV than he. We got there, he immediately walked with me, shielding me from the heavy snow and taking my arm so I wouldn't fall in my heels.

We got inside and he asked if I would please sit next to him at dinner. He made lots of conversation, I was very short. He finally went for broke nad asked me what the email said, (Idecided to just send it directly b/c couldn't get anyone to print it for me --the gods were against me, but I really tried.) I told him I didn't want to get into it, and that I thought he read it anyway and was lying. He said, he refused b/c he knew what it said nad he dind't want to read it.

He finally looked into my eyes, leaned over and said, "I really really think we should sleep togehter tonight. I looked back and said I really, really think you're an a*****e. He let that go, bought me drinks, getting up from the show to get me anything I wanted. We decided to go back to our local bar for somemore b day partying for Cari. I basically ignored him, he tried to talk a lot, but i was nice but short. He stared a lot and was uncomfortable to say the least.

We split up to go to two different homes, due to so many people staying over due to a foot of snow. He asked if I would please go back to Bryans, because we would havea comfortable bed, and I have a bad back and neck. I said yeah, but just sleeping. He told me all night, how beautiful I looked, smelled, that he loved my outfit, my necklace, the way I laughed, etc.. He WAS working it for sure. Finally a friend sadi something out loud in front of everyone about how hard he was working it, and he replied, "Yeah, so I am, I'm not losing her, I have been an idiot and she's the best. I need to show her." (very unlike him infront of friends) I heard this and turned around and said, "Ya know, this just shows you really DO know how to act--so what's all the other crap?" He said, I dunno, Laurie...really wish I did, but I don't. I'm a young stupid jerk that tunes on drama for unknown reasons. I know I have hurt you, and it needs to stop. Just hang in ther baby." I said, "ALready out...baby."

I know, cold, but was trying to hang on and stand ground. We went back to Bryans. I was exausted adn went to bed almost immediately. He came in snuggled. I ignored and went to sleep....or tried to. God he is gorgeous and felt so good, and the comfort felt so good. OK--SO yeah--4 hours of incredible sex with lots of kissing and face holding and lots of loving things he said, and even brought to tears one time---phew!! Then, in the morning--his WORST time of day. ALways a bad mood--doesn't really wanna be messed with, came. He woke up , wrapped him self around me, kissed me everywhere, and it happened again....uh....and again. He got up, made blueberry muffins, eggs and bacon and coffee. He hates blueberry muffins, and I love them. He hates to eat in the morning, adn doesn't like coffee. He wouldn't let me help, and washed every pan and dish afterward.

Curled up on the couch, (infront of his friends--which he never does) and we watched two movies before we left to go to my car, back at Cari's. He proceeds to dig my car out, and it was burried from plows half way up the van. Went to the store, bought me some smokes and gatorate--my morning hangover remedy--LOL! ANd dropped him off at his house about 4 this afternoon. He said he's coming up on Tuesday or wednesday to hang out, watch a movie, etc... I said, "What makes you think I even wanna see you on t or w anyway?" I smiled and he said, "I deserved that.' I stated mote really, that two wrongs don't make a right--but I simply can't be around him when he's an immature ***, and that this is what I loved--but it was few and far inbtw sometims. He said he knew that and he was really sorry, and had no idea why b/c he cares about me so much. I said he might consider professional help if he thought it was more than immaturity. He said yeah maybe, but was laughing.

So yeah, I take advice real well, huh. No drinking Laurie. HA--Yup, I drank. Bday shots are a killer.LOL Stay stong, I'm proud of you. HA, real strong, huh? So OK--let me have it. I know it's not the greatest, but my lord, if you saw him, and saw him acting on his nice sweet behavior--you would get it, I promise. He is just breathtaking. Right now, I'm just being distant emotionally. Seems to work for him--which will get old, but so far I guess isn't that old for me, huh?

I honestly think he read the letter. He did so many of the things I explained I needed and just simply couldn't get from him. Oh well, if he did he did--but he's not saying. I'm just going to go on as if I am not going out with him, adn if I see him I see him is all. And as for stating how I feel about him---so glad this is annonomus too--A part or me loves him. Really loves the nice, sweet, romantic, adn physical side of him for sure. I just hate the immature game playing side--but am finding out--sometimes it just is a game, no matter how much we say it isn't. So, there you have it...COmments away, good or bad. What do ya think?
[QUOTE=redsoxgirl2418]honestly? I think it shows immaturity to a) not break up with him in person, b) justify that by saying that you would "cave in" while trying to break up with him in person, c)go to a party the next day that you know he will be at, despite the fact that you couldn't break up with him in person because you would "cave"--exactly what makes seeing him at a party where you know he will bring this up different from dignifying him with an in-person explanation as to why you're breaking up with him? (and, just out of curiousity, whose friend is having the party--whose were they first I should say? You guys with your 20ish age diff. couldn't have had mutual friends before you started dating...?)

It doesn't sound like much changed about this guy since you started seeing him. Except, that maybe he wants more out of your relationship than just good sex. Chances are, he thought that once your divorce went through, he would have that but it didn't happen. And if that's the case, I say, give the guy a break and say so instead of playing games and turning the tables to make it seem like he messed up.[/QUOTE]


I agree completely.... She is how old and breaking up with the guy via a letter because she would cave if she see's him than proceeds to go to a party knowing he is going to be there. Than the guy wants to call and see what is going on and she says he is just feeding his "massive ego". Grow up.
[QUOTE=laurie864bla]OK---SO---You are all SO right, in so many different ways. Really perceptive, honest folks on here, and it's much appreciated, really. I really DO recognize all of the the theings you said in some way being very true. Future, no. Fun, yes. Issues with him, yes. Issues with me, yes, definitely! LOL

S, that being said, once again---I'm gonna tell ya what happened, and be glad this board in annonomus!!LOL Boy and I gona get blasted, but I can be honest here, right?

I went to Cari's, my very close frined now, and his friend before, altho they never like each other that much. He is good friend with her boyfrind, and tolerates her. We all met there to drive in SUV's in the snowstorm, and he showed up and saw his snowboard in the foyer. He gave me some earrings of mine, we thanksed eachother, adn I chose to rife in a different SUV than he. We got there, he immediately walked with me, shielding me from the heavy snow and taking my arm so I wouldn't fall in my heels.

We got inside and he asked if I would please sit next to him at dinner. He made lots of conversation, I was very short. He finally went for broke nad asked me what the email said, (Idecided to just send it directly b/c couldn't get anyone to print it for me --the gods were against me, but I really tried.) I told him I didn't want to get into it, and that I thought he read it anyway and was lying. He said, he refused b/c he knew what it said nad he dind't want to read it.

He finally looked into my eyes, leaned over and said, "I really really think we should sleep togehter tonight. I looked back and said I really, really think you're an a*****e. He let that go, bought me drinks, getting up from the show to get me anything I wanted. We decided to go back to our local bar for somemore b day partying for Cari. I basically ignored him, he tried to talk a lot, but i was nice but short. He stared a lot and was uncomfortable to say the least.

We split up to go to two different homes, due to so many people staying over due to a foot of snow. He asked if I would please go back to Bryans, because we would havea comfortable bed, and I have a bad back and neck. I said yeah, but just sleeping. He told me all night, how beautiful I looked, smelled, that he loved my outfit, my necklace, the way I laughed, etc.. He WAS working it for sure. Finally a friend sadi something out loud in front of everyone about how hard he was working it, and he replied, "Yeah, so I am, I'm not losing her, I have been an idiot and she's the best. I need to show her." (very unlike him infront of friends) I heard this and turned around and said, "Ya know, this just shows you really DO know how to act--so what's all the other crap?" He said, I dunno, Laurie...really wish I did, but I don't. I'm a young stupid jerk that tunes on drama for unknown reasons. I know I have hurt you, and it needs to stop. Just hang in ther baby." I said, "ALready out...baby."

I know, cold, but was trying to hang on and stand ground. We went back to Bryans. I was exausted adn went to bed almost immediately. He came in snuggled. I ignored and went to sleep....or tried to. God he is gorgeous and felt so good, and the comfort felt so good. OK--SO yeah--4 hours of incredible sex with lots of kissing and face holding and lots of loving things he said, and even brought to tears one time---phew!! Then, in the morning--his WORST time of day. ALways a bad mood--doesn't really wanna be messed with, came. He woke up , wrapped him self around me, kissed me everywhere, and it happened again....uh....and again. He got up, made blueberry muffins, eggs and bacon and coffee. He hates blueberry muffins, and I love them. He hates to eat in the morning, adn doesn't like coffee. He wouldn't let me help, and washed every pan and dish afterward.

Curled up on the couch, (infront of his friends--which he never does) and we watched two movies before we left to go to my car, back at Cari's. He proceeds to dig my car out, and it was burried from plows half way up the van. Went to the store, bought me some smokes and gatorate--my morning hangover remedy--LOL! ANd dropped him off at his house about 4 this afternoon. He said he's coming up on Tuesday or wednesday to hang out, watch a movie, etc... I said, "What makes you think I even wanna see you on t or w anyway?" I smiled and he said, "I deserved that.' I stated mote really, that two wrongs don't make a right--but I simply can't be around him when he's an immature ***, and that this is what I loved--but it was few and far inbtw sometims. He said he knew that and he was really sorry, and had no idea why b/c he cares about me so much. I said he might consider professional help if he thought it was more than immaturity. He said yeah maybe, but was laughing.

So yeah, I take advice real well, huh. No drinking Laurie. HA--Yup, I drank. Bday shots are a killer.LOL Stay stong, I'm proud of you. HA, real strong, huh? So OK--let me have it. I know it's not the greatest, but my lord, if you saw him, and saw him acting on his nice sweet behavior--you would get it, I promise. He is just breathtaking. Right now, I'm just being distant emotionally. Seems to work for him--which will get old, but so far I guess isn't that old for me, huh?

I honestly think he read the letter. He did so many of the things I explained I needed and just simply couldn't get from him. Oh well, if he did he did--but he's not saying. I'm just going to go on as if I am not going out with him, adn if I see him I see him is all. And as for stating how I feel about him---so glad this is annonomus too--A part or me loves him. Really loves the nice, sweet, romantic, adn physical side of him for sure. I just hate the immature game playing side--but am finding out--sometimes it just is a game, no matter how much we say it isn't. So, there you have it...COmments away, good or bad. What do ya think?[/QUOTE]

Wow, not sure what to say to all that but I would guarantee that he did, in fact, read the letter.
Comments.....yup.....a gorgeous guy who has you cave in add alcohol and you got what you described. The thing is it's going to only take you aon another round on the merry go round and when you get off you will be just as dizzy!!! How may times are you going to get back on before you realize that it's the thrill of the ride and it's magic your after and it's only going around & around and really getting you nowhere!!! :nono:

Hmmmmm.......you ought to also realize that young man's heart is on his sleeve, he is young and although you may think he cannot be hurt he can...so be careful that you do not play with his heart too much.....young people are vulnerable and you should keep that in mind as things play out. Remember you are wiser and have more experience in life than he does.

And now I will go back to the sidelines awaiting the next post after you get off the next round of the merry go round that you seem to like riding!! And when you do....you will be just as dizzy and disillusioned. ;)

~ Goody :wave:
HIT--- LOL!! Seriously, I don't know. I mean, he is CLAIMING that he didn't read the letter--so if he didn't-he thinks we just had a fight and I was p/o'd, but in the letter I basically said that I couldn't put up with this stuff anymore--him making me feel bad, saying stupid stuff, etc.. I'm thinking, he had access to the letter--the curiosity alone would've killed him to know what was in it, so I think he read it, is pretending he didn't, and is trying like crazy to not behave in a way I can no longer put up with.

I guess I am just going to see how things go. He'll be an idiot again, pretty much can bank on that---so I can then just tell him face to face that I am outta there and have a nice life. We'll see. As for the post that said, "How old am I, ...and grow up.." the reason that I wrote the letter is to be heard. It's not as tho I wouldn't ever speak to him again--he just interrupts, gets very defensive, and argues. That was the only way for me to be really heard about how I felt and why.

Writing a letter is a personal choice, b/c of who he is personally--not a chicken's way out at all. Just getting my thoughts out on paper to be properly heard. Then we could talk if he needed to. Hope that explains it, but if not, don't care, I had a good reason b/c I know him and that person doesn't. And it's not the first time he screwed up either--this became a pattern and we had discussed it many times. I really do care about this guy, so it's hard to know exactly what to do, and we all make mistakes--just not sure where my biggest one will be in handling this relationship.
OK--now seriously people, what the heck do you really expect me to do here? OK--Goody (love ya!) So.... ya got me, it IS a relationship. We have been together for 4 months now. See eachother every weekend, in btw most of the time too. We are exclusive to one another, and would consider it cheating to be with anyone else. --we both have stated that clearly. However--we do not involve my children at all, he wants to hear nothing about my past, and is almost 22 yrs old--16 years younger than me. I do not expect this will be my future husband, Mr. Right, or an equal life partner.

That being said, I am newly divorced, learning to live on my own--in every sense of it, and lived the last twelve years with an emotionally dead man--unless he was angry--his only emotion toward me in years. I had NO sex, no intimacy, and no passion for him for many of those years, and was not animally attracted to him in the first place, but thought he would be a good husband and father, and I did love him once.

I was cheated on, betrayed, and devistated--as were my children. I really almost died from it. Stopped eating, wouldn't get outta bed, the whole sha-bang. It was ugly. When I realized how dead I really was--for so many years, I decided in a BIG way that I wanted passion back in my life--that I needed it. I grabbed it like never before--passion for everything, and nothing was going to be done going thru life numb and not living it out loud, ever again.

I had a rebound relationship shorty after my separation, and had my heart broken. Kids were involved and it was horrible all around. I walled up--and dove head first into I hate men and they all suck, mode. Hung out with my kids, friends, spent time in NY with my very best friend, and licked my wounds, and fed myself. I pushed every man I met far, far away and kept my distance from liking anyone. I was NOT ever going to get hurt again. EVER!! This I knew for sure.

Then, this guy that I joked constantly about b/c he was gorgeous, hot, and young, walked into my life for the third time. This time, I couldn't take it anymore. It was a pull, A YANK really, that I had never in my life felt before. An attraction SO strong I felt posessed. I thought it would be a one night, get it outta my system thing. I couldn't get him out of my head after that. It was magic--everything I had fantasized about, and more--which was freakin me out. BUT--easy enuf, Laur...he's 21--this is not going anywhere--so get a little more---who cares?

Then, a little more became more and more, then a connection beyond the sex, laughing, great times, seeing a sweet, romantic, caring side, and becoming by far the most intense sexual relationship of my life--let's just say I discovered things about myself that I never knew existed. Imagine that at 38?

Then came some drama, some immaturity---as does when feelings get involved with a young guy especially. I knew I didn't want that, or like it and tried to put a stop to it. I do realize it now probably comes with the other stuff, and that part kinda sucks. There are always pros and cons to everything I guess. SO--I find myself in a situation...

a)gorgeous, amazingly hot, sweet guy. Poetic, articulate, passionate, and crazy for me. Looking at him takes my breath away, and when he touches me--forget about it. He's close and loving one day, and withdrawn, uncaring and lazy the next. He's immature sometimes. He responds to the negative more than the positive. He's desperate to make things right when he screws up. He's infuriating and intoxicating but most of the time knows exactly what I want like know one else has, adn wants to give it to me.

b)let all that go, b/c it's really not going anywhere. Let all that go b/c he's young and can be stupid. Be sad and miss him b/c he is amazing, yet was infuriating sometimes--but I was strong and stood my ground.

I mean, seriously. This will get old, I know that. For me or for him at some point. It has already started for me, and I can see me out growing it, but for right now, the pull is way too strong still. I just have to work on not counting on him. It's when I try to count on him that I am dissappointed. It's more about my expectaions when I get hurt, than actually what he's doing. He's doing what young guys often do, and as long as I have no unrealistic expectations, I'll be fine.

I don't think he has any unrealistic expectations and will get hurt. He's just going with the flow---minus the times where he freaks a bit when he thinks it's over. That's probably more of a winning thing, than a love thing anyway.
Hey, Laurie.....so long as we know it's a relationsip and nobody's getting hurt (particularly YOU) I'm fine. ;) I know that it is a stepping stone to the next relationship and is building your confidence up again and see it as just that. It's just that at times when you post it's almost as if you are rationalizing something that you shouldn't have to.

I was in your shoes, Laurie, and it feels so liberating to finally be in control of your life again, to call the shots, and to rebuild the self esteem. Been there and done that. :D Just be careful that in doing so that you do not end up picking up the attributes of your perpertrator.....often when we are in abusive relationships we have built up such a callousness that we feel often the only way to not get hurt again is to go about controlling others. I know more than you may think about where you are at right now and totally understand. Alot of what you are going through goes against your nature but I see it as a necessary step in regaining your self worth and for a while it will be okay so long as it doesn't take over your life in a way that it becomes destructive in nature to you or to others. If it goes the way it did for me it will level out and you will be all the more stronger for it. :)

Nobody (certainly not me) says you shouldn't do what you are doing just......try to keep it all in perspective. Okay....you have a relationship with a young guy who makes you feel good....the thing is, it's a temporary fix for the situation. And Laurie....if you haven't already, talk to someone about the 12 years you had....it won't take more than a few sessions but it'll allow you to look it in the eye and go forward knowing that you had the courage enough to do so. I did and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and my husband. Do not go into a relationship without having done so.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:
Thanks, sweetie. Got therapy from a great woman--unlike the crappy marriage counselors we saw in the past---and it was amazingly helpful. Still go for maintainence once a month. She feels this is a stepping stone too, and what I am doing is probably necessary for healing, but also to be careful.

She also feels a part of me is in love with him, and to be very careful about that. I say I am not. She feels my biggest issue right now, (because my XH's biggest "thing" with me is that I was a horrible, mean person) is my proving that I am understanding, nice, compassionate, forgiving, giving...etc.. She has joked and said, "Look at me, look at me!!!I am SO nice. Aren't I so sweet, and so nice. WHo would want to leave that? Wasn't he SO crazy?!!!"

OK--so probably has some truth to it. I do still lash out in anger soemtimes, and then I have trouble backing it up--like I had every right to be mad, you jerk off!!! ...and then I apologize and start with the , "aren't I so nice" and forgiving crap. Gotta be a happy medium on the horizon--but I realize by doing this, I fit more with a young immature guy sometimes. LOL

Life, with it's growth, hurts, and betrayals--as well as it's blissful happiness is all still just a process after all. HUGS!!
He was going to come up, and I told him I had a really bad h'ache. I do, and I get really bad ones from time to time bc of a bad neck condition. He said he "didn't want to diminish the significance of the day by not seeing one another" but he understood, and wanted me to feel better. Asked if we could do our V day this Friday, and do it up right, with dinner and stuff. I said, sure.

So, I have my head packed in ice, on an "off" time right now, and thought I'd check the boards for a minute. I just took more advil, cold medicine--cuz I think some sinus stuff is involved with this one--so we'll see.

His friend called me tonight, and asked if his house was gonna start stinking. I said, "What??" and he was cracking up and said, "We just want to know what you've done with Mike, and where you put his body." I just laughed and said, "yeah, I know...he's in rare form, huh?"

So it continues. He has called many times today, checking on me, seeing how my head is, called early today at 9 to say happy V day, so that was nice. Doubt this will last, but time will tell. Friday should be fun tho--he's not one for making plans, so that was refreshing. I'm thinking I may have a bday party for him week after next, at my house. Gonna run it by him later, see what he thinks. He'll be a whopping 22!! HA HA HA Hope ur havin a good V day, HIT.





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