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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE] But one can't help who they fall for. If I try to stop caring for Sara it just won't work. I see her at least five days a week and I can't avoid that. So even if I convince myself that she's bad for me, I'd be kidding myself that I could resist the attraction. [/QUOTE]

I think that is a major cop-out for anybody. It is true that our emotions are often intense and it is very easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of how we feel. But as humans we are more than just feelings. We have the ability to control our minds, and make intelligent decisions. We can actually stop ourselves and really THINK about how we are feeling, and recognize that those feelings may be harmful or negative to us. And then we can work to change our minds. For some reason you are idealizing this girl, turning the whole situation into a mystical romance novel, rather than looking at the cold hard facts. Yes, you could resist the attraction, but I know crushes are so much fun to have.

I just feel really bad, and I know a lot of other posters do to, because it is obvious that you are putting so much effort into things that are complete wastes of time. Even if Sara does love the flowers and thinks fondly about how sweet you are...who is her boyfriend? It's not you. If she had feelings for you, she would have left her boyfriend long ago. The "but he'll commit suicide if I break up with him" excuse if just outrageous. Obviously she is in love with him, and sees something in him to not want to leave him. She's getting the best of both worlds here. Is she really THAT amazing that you are perfectly happy to have the role of the "other guy" :confused: I want to meet this girl and discover her secret.

Now, not to mention...what you are doing is [I]wrong.[/I] You pat yourself on the back for being such a good guy, but the fact of the matter is you are trying to hone in on somebody's girlfriend, right in front of their face! There is never an excuse for that. The right thing to do would be to cut off all contact with Sara, telling her that when she is single again and wants to date you, then she can call you. Now, I would think that a guy who is so emotionally unstable that he threatens suicide if his girlfriend leaves him would also be the psychotically jealous kind. What if this guy starts coming after you or something? If some girl brought flowers for my boyfriend and fawned all over him right in front of me, I would be [I]livid[/I]. This situation is just bad, bad, bad.

[QUOTE]I am willing to be patient and take risks with my emotions for a girl that excites and attracts me as much as Sara. I'm just not the kind of person who quits at the first hurdle.[/QUOTE]

Yes, but as one of my favorite says goes: There is no point in following a path that leads over a cliff.





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