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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Lance0204]aawww..poor boo, i was wondering about you..maybe you went back to mars :D , sorry to hear that you weren't so well (and don't worry about not looking so sexy lately, i'm sure you don't have anything to worry about, ;) ). i find it interesting that you don't think you can settle down with any one guy. you seem to have no trouble meeting guys. are you just holding out or something??[/QUOTE]

LOL, this put a big smile on my face and is very sweet of you--I really missed you guys! Yes, I think I went back to Mars for awhile there as I like to retreat to my own planetary orbit when I need to gather my strength and rest up...sometimes it's just too much to deal with the outside world. I truly admire people who gain energy from interacting with others, as I would LOVE to be that way, as I think it makes someone a lot more interested (and successful) in building relationships. The more I think about all the fascinating viewpoints expressed here, the more I agree with the people who have commented that a lot of this comes down to how much someone desires the company of others and how fulfilling they find being on their own vs. interacting with people. The more introverted and solitary one is by nature (by that I mean someone who recharges their batteries with alone time and finds socializing draining when compared to solitude, not necessarily shyness), the more likely I think they are to enjoy being single and see little need for a partner in order to feel truly content. I definitely fit into this category and while in a lot of ways it's very nice that I'm generally happiest when I retreat from the outside world, in many other ways, I really envy people who treasure and crave the company of socializing. Especially because the people here who strike me as most fulfilled by relationships, like Hiya, Sophia, Goody et all, are some of the most caring people and the most loving friends/family/partners Iíve ever come across. Speaking of which, Sophia, I was really worried and sad for you reading your posts about your exÖI wish I would have been here then to support you and remind you how amazing you are. Iím sorry for being flaky, and I really really hope you are feeling at least a little bit better nowÖif it helps at all, I think I can somewhat understand how you feel, as even when I am doing well and feel quite content, there are periods when I still get quite sad missing Patrick. There is something very upsetting about remembering the last person we truly loved who made our lives especially bright and cheerful, and while I very much wish I had some brilliant advice to wipe your mind clear of any sadness and longing for your ex, Iím not sure thereís any way to accomplish this. Time helps, but particularly for those people who miss having a loving partner most acutely while single, nothing helps quite like meeting someone new who makes all their past loves pale in comparison. And even then, I donít know that we ever fully move past someone who touched us especially deeplyÖhowever, in your case Sophia, there are just WAY too many appealing qualities you exude for you to go on indefinitely without finding a great, loving guy and making substantial progress toward achieving fulfillment in other important aspects of your life as well. I just know that itís only a matter of time before things look up considerably for you and likely for everyone else here who is feeling lonely without someone to love.

As for me, you are all incredibly sweet to care about how Iím doing and to be so supportiveÖI definitely missed the boost that chatting with such great friends provides while I was offline! Fortunately I have a new computer along with renewed energy, thanks to relying much more on getting in shape and acupuncture than conventional doctors and all the drugs they pushed on me. Iím gradually living a much more normal, productive life than I have in years, and being able to date a few times each week is a very enjoyable part of it. I canít help but be happy about the guy from my collegeóheís really smart, concerned about improving the world around him, and motivated to achieve his goals and help people in the process. We click well and always have a lot to talk about, so Iíve been really struggling mentally trying to figure out how to best proceed. It was only in my last relationship that I matured enough to understand that committed relationships should be taken seriously and always respected, so I donít want to get involved in one if Iím not ready or capable of avoiding other guys. I also relish being single after being in one long term relationship after the next pretty much ever since I started dating, and if Iím completely honest with myself, I donít think Iím prepared to give up the freedom and independence that comes with being unattached. So whenever I think of this guy, I feel anxious and torn, unsure of how to cope with thingsÖon one hand, I definitely want to keep seeing him and I can tell heíd like to be boyfriend/girlfriend, but on the other hand, I donít want to be unfair to him or to myself by getting into a situation Iím not ready to handle. Iíve learned from past mistakes that itís not smart to jump into a relationship unless you are sure youíre ready, have had enough time being single to be fully over all past relationships, and are completely prepared to commit to one and only one partner. So while I realize that Iíve found a special guy and donít want to take that for granted whatsoever, I guess the dilemma for me is how to reconcile this with the timing, being that Iím not sure I want to date anyone seriously now or in the foreseeable future. I hope that addresses your questions, Lance and Sophia, and Iíd be exceedingly grateful if either of you or anyone else has any input about how to cope with simultaneously not wanting a relationship and also finding someone youíd love to be involved with seriously.





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