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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE]It may be trivial to you, but having to endure music I hate puts me in a bad mood.[/QUOTE]

DITTO big time. One of my favorite things ever is cruising along, bopping to the radio. I was spoiled growing up because my daddy let me listen to whatever I wanted. Now with my boyfriend, the music issue between us is that much larger because he actually IS a musician, and our tastes could not BE any different. In his opinion, jazz, blues, and motown is the only real music, everything else is crap. Meanwhile, I am a 70's and 80's rock chic at heart. But we've gotten over this hurdle. He is very sweet and lets me listen to the radio in his car, except if a song he really hates comes on - then he'll turn the station, no questions asked. But yeah, nothing is more boring than being in a car listening to music you don't.

Religion is important, but I would think it would be sad to break up with someone because of religious differences. That is only because I believe your spirituality should be deeply personal, and not something you make a part of anyone else's life. My ex was Catholic, and insisted we would have to get married in a church and baptize our child and all that. I was like, "No." My now-boyfriend and I, an atheist and a pagan, get on well. My love for astrology kind of annoys him, but a lot of things annoy him. We both agree that we won't raise our children to be religious at all, to just let them form their own conclusions as they grow. And the best part - we both want to get married in Vegas! How more perfect could you get?

But my point is, not even large differences HAVE to matter in a relationship. As long as you can understand that your SO is different than you are, and don't try to impose your values on them, you can be fine.
[QUOTE=GypsyArcher]Religion is important, but I would think it would be sad to break up with someone because of religious differences. That is only because I believe your spirituality should be deeply personal, and not something you make a part of anyone else's life. My ex was Catholic, and insisted we would have to get married in a church and baptize our child and all that. I was like, "No." My now-boyfriend and I, an atheist and a pagan, get on well. My love for astrology kind of annoys him, but a lot of things annoy him. We both agree that we won't raise our children to be religious at all, to just let them form their own conclusions as they grow. And the best part - we both want to get married in Vegas! How more perfect could you get?

But my point is, not even large differences HAVE to matter in a relationship. As long as you can understand that your SO is different than you are, and don't try to impose your values on them, you can be fine.[/QUOTE]

We all have different litmus tests for a partner. For some, it's things like religion or political views. For others, it's things like musical tastes. Given that, I can see now why some people are happier single. I mean if you're someone who can't stand listening to someone else's music, then you're right. You are better off single. I personally can't stand country music, but if my partner liked it, I'd learn to tolerate it. If she didn't like my music, I certainly wouldn't inflict it on her during a car ride. Instead I'd turn it off and do something more couples do, which is have a conversation. But I guess for some people turning off the radio is too high a price to pay.

Religion seems to a big issue for a lot of people though. I'm not a religious person, but I don't have a problem with people who are. Like you said, you have to recognize that your partner is different and accept that, not try to change them. I've dated women who are religious and never tried to convert them to my way of thinking, and thankfully they never tried to convert me. My problem is that I live in a very religious part of the country. I've lost count how many times I met a woman who ruled me out because I wasn't of the same religion. But I can certainly understand why it's an issue for them. If you're looking for a long-term partner, then there's a good chance you're also thinking about the issue of raising children. As someone who's not religious, I would never raise my children to follow a certain religion. I would rather they choose for themselves what to believe in. But I'm sure a woman who is religious would want to raise her child to be of the same faith as her. Obviously, that would become a huge obstacle if the parents can't agree on how to raise their kids. So naturally the woman will deem the guy as being incompatible. I feel as you Gypsy. Large differences shouldn't HAVE to matter, but unfortunately they do. Spirituality is deeply personal and shouldn't be something you make a part of someone else's life. But if the other person wants it to be something you share, then what can you do? I'm of the mindset that it's possible to work around most differences. But not everyone I meet feels the same way.





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