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Relationship Health Message Board

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Ken, I don't know how old this girl is, but she sounds young and confused. She's also got serious self-esteem issues. I realize there was an attraction but this is not the type of girl you're looking for. She's falling for the bad boy and you're falling for the bad girl.

It's time to re-evaluate exactly what you're looking for in a girl. It's really hard to see the signs of a user, abuser, or screwed-up person in the beginning, especially if you're young. I can only assume that you, and the girls you're referring to are in their 20's or younger but if not, please accept my apology. You can read stories all day long on this board about girls getting involved with guys who don't care about them, and the pain it brings them. Well, it happens to guys too.

We tend to choose relationships with others based [I]only [/I]on superficial attributes like looks, chemistry, passion, and other outward appearances. What we really need to be looking at is character, values, history of past relationships, emotional maturity, you know, the things we can't see on the outside right away.

The reason things keep going wrong in your relationships is you're still attracted to the same type. Different package, same boobie prize. You'll continue to meet the same type until you learn to recognize the red flags that begin to pop up as you get to know someone. That means not getting involved with a girl too quickly. This particular girl gave plenty of red flags, but you either didn't see them, or like so many others, chose to ignore them.

You can meet girls who will appreciate what you have to offer. They're not all messed up like this one but I'll grant you, at that age it's a little harder to weed them out then say, when you're in your 30's. Girls especially seem to have low self-esteem these days. I don't know why that is but if you can find one who has a positive self-image, integrity, and a decent history with guys, you might have yourself a winner.

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