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[QUOTE=mada_3083]there is a difference between being there for someone who can get their life back in order themselves, and having to do it for them[/quote]

When you are in a relationship that is solid enough to bare the weight of a downed partner, you'll understand the fallacy of that statement. Having the security to feel "carried" by your partner in a time of need is a blessing.

Being able to count on a person, or to look back on being completely supported, is something that I truly hope you get to experience, because I don't think you have. If you had, then you would know that there is a certain level of give and take, and that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we DO get our partners lives back in order for them. We do carry them. We do drag them along. And why shouldn't we? It is a favor that will be returned many times over. Hence the concept of "give and take". Sometimes we take, a lot. And sometimes we give - A LOT.

[quote]iguess you also have to look at your own self confidence, why is it that you feel like you have to settle for someone who can't handle their own life? don't you have enough self worth to realise you deserve someone thatisn't needy, or that can't deal with their own issues?[/QUOTE]

I think you're right, I guess you should look at your own self confidence. Pardon me for saying this, but you seem a like a person who is lacking some. You seem burned by your girlfriend, and as a result you've resolved yourself to never helping a partner. I have news for you. NO relationship you'll ever been in will be perfect enough where both PARTNERS are self sustained. There will be rough patches, and if you are not prepared to look past your own issues of self worth to help that person, you'll be a lonely, lonely man.

Making the choice to stay with a person who has "issues" is not an indication of your self worth, or your self esteem (or lack there of). In fact, it's quite the contrary. If you do not see yourself as strong enough to withstand the rigors of trial and tribulation, then I would I have to surmise that your self esteem is lacking, and is therefore telling you to "run" (ie; "you can't win in this situation, leave her now."). I was very saddened for you when I read that, and I hope, for you, that that is animosity speaking.

As an aside, my step father is bipolar. My mother, according to you, would be a person who is lacking self confidence because she stayed with a "needy man who was unable to handle is own life". He lost his job. She supported him. He had an eating disorder (under weight). She catered to his dietary needs. He became estranged to his family. She kept them in touch. You know where they are today? Retired and on yacht together, enjoying their retirement as a happy, well balanced, COUPLE.

Leaving is easy. Divorce is easy. Breaking up is easy. Finding solace in your own selfish motives is easy, especially if you believe them. Relationships, especially marriages, sometimes require work. They are not always easy, but the rewards are endless (if you don't give up before finding them).

The question here is whether or not Mirror's girlfriend is worth the effort. Does he love her? Does he want to be with her forever? Could he not live without her? I think he has some soul searching to do, and if he answers yes to any of those questions, there is really only one thing left for him to do - stay and help/support his girlfriend in any way he possibly can.





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