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Relationship Health Message Board

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there is a difference between being there and doing all the work to get that person out of the rut.

like the original poster, my ex was similar, confidence issues, troubles at university, weight and motervation issues. i was there, i helped her diet, i ate like a rabbit so the temptation of food wasn't there. i altered my lifestyle and hobbies to help her get involved in sport/ exercise (like instead of playing soccer in the team i was in, i formed a mixed team, i altered the places i surfed so she could surf as well)... soon as she got her life handled, off she went and found a few other guys...

well if your "supportive" you'll be there for her to talk to etc, but you shouldn't pull them out of the rut yourself, it WILL effect your energy. as i said, there is a difference between being there for someone who can get their life back in order themselves, and having to do it for them

iguess you also have to look at your own self confidence, why is it that you feel like you have to settle for someone who can't handle their own life? don't you have enough self worth to realise you deserve someone thatisn't needy, or that can't deal with their own issues?
[QUOTE=Fabat40] It took a while for him to find me, but he did and he found it easy to love me because I didn't require any fixing. :D there are a lot of men and women out there who feels they "need" to be needed. [/QUOTE]

Isn't it amazing when you know (or 'he' knows) what you want and go out and get it? :p That's called dating without head games. :D

There were certain things I wanted in a partner, so I didn't waste my time with men who didn't fit that criteria. Dating is fun, but with so many to choose from, it just didn't seem worth it to become romantically involved with people who didn't have what I was looking for. Call me picky, but when I found my man he didn't require fixing either.

If you have motives going into a relationship (marriage, long term relationship, kids, casual sex, etc) then you should cater to those motives instead of settling for the first person who shows you attention. But that goes back to the whole self confidence thing. Either you have the confidence to be forthright about what you want in a relationship, or you don't. If you don't you usually end up "settling".

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