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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=sadie-boo]To me i really diddnt think age mattered but it must do if everyone is saying about it. Dont get me wrong he has only got abusive towards me once and that was last week because of his cheating and i wouldnt listen . But he has always been kinda controlling towards me from who i speak to or even look at.
What u guys r saying sounds right , but i think it will do loads more damige getting out of this relationship , because he is the sorta guy to just turn on you and can flip. so thats what im scared of.
I cant go to my mum , she would do somthing stupid like go to the police , which i dont want to happen . Everything is getting to much at the moment. i m just trying to keep the peace betwenn me and him so he ndoesnt try and do it again , i know i wanna end this , but not sure how.[/QUOTE]

Please take a good, long hard look at what you just said here, and I hope you can see what's wrong here. You say you want to end the relationship, but you don't know how. Well, do you really think making nice and trying to keep the peace and trying to be the sweet, obedient girlfriend is the way to get out of this situation? No, it isn't. By your own words, this guy is a violent loose cannon. You should NEVER, never never never never never never stay in a relationship out of fear!!! Let me say that again: [B]You should NEVER stay in a relationship out of fear. [/B] If you think getting out will "do more damage" then as much as you may hate the idea, getting the police involved may be the best thing. He has no right to "turn on you and flip." What he did to you already is called assault and battery and is against the law, and if he did it once, he will do it again, and it's only a matter of time before he does. He can be as sorry as he can be, but if he were really all that sorry, he would have never done it in the first place.

Another important thing to keep in mind, is that you say he's very controlling as far as who you talk to or even look at. You're very young and probably have no idea how common and how dangerous situations like this are, but you must realize that this is a losing battle. The truth is, he is harboring deep, dark demons that have nothing to do with you. He most likely grew up in a very violent, dysfunctional environment and needs lots of therapy to find out why he's so violent and controlling and how to fix it. But until he does, he can go be sorry on someone else's head. You can't fix him or save him or love him into being the great guy you hope he'll be some day. And you can't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to be the ideal girlfriend he wants you to be, because he's a control freak. His goal is not to help you be the best version of yourself. His goal is to control, belittle and humiliate and degrade you. He will always find something to be unhappy about, and will always find something to yell at you or control you about. It's a losing battle, so you'd be a fool to even try to fight it. And anyway, someone who truly loves you and really wants to be with you does not constantly find fault with you.

You want to get away from this guy, so somewhere deep down inside, you know waht he's doing is wrong, and you know this is not how you want to live, with your stomach in knots, walking on eggshells trying not to "make him flip or kick." That's no way to live. and staying with him out of fear is no way to live either. You're right, when you end it with him, he will probably get violent and more controlling. Taht's when you hve to be at your strongest and most careful, and it's NOT stupid to get the police involved. when someone threatens your life or breaks the law in hurting you, the police should get involved. You have a very serious, big decision to make. Since we all know that we cannot change anyone else's behavior, and we can't change the way another human being acts, behaves, thinks, feels, or treats us or sees us, the only thing we can control is how we respond to it. You can choose to stick around, trying not to make him mad and allowing him to slowly destroy your spirit, self esteem, and waste your youth, which you will never be able to get back, on this jerk who treats you like crap, or you can protect yourself, end it in a public place with plenty of people around, inform everyone you know in case he starts showing up at your house school, work, whatever, and don't HESITATE to call the police if he theatens you in any way, shape or form. I'm so sorry you're faced with this situation at such a young, tender age. There are mature, fully grown adult women who have a very difficult time dealing with this kind of situation. But the choice is yours to make. We'll be here to encourage and support you and hope that you make the right one. :angel:





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