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It was really nice to come home and see all these nice posts from everyone, I really appreciate that :)

I know that I should think that, if hes a jerk like he was to me in the end, Im better off without him. I guess its just that he really wasn't for 98% of our relationship. He was very loving. The change was so drastic. Im still in love with who he was and what we had. So I tell myself that Im better off now, I just doubt it sometimes when I feel alone. I feel like my head knows exactly how to think, feel and what to do, but my emotions make me doubt myself.

Id also like to think that, if he broke my heart, he will most likely do it to this girl too. I just dont know about that...if hes got 3 years after this one of his dental program with her, they could easily get married for all I know (I think I would die). And theres no way I can know, so I try not to think about it. I guess with the way he broke up with me, although he was crying a month later on the phone when we talked (when I started crying), he just seemed to be very over me from the start. And Im wondering, when did he fall out of love? How come I couldnt see it at all? I just thought we had a small rough patch, nothing drastic. What is it about her that made him just want to ditch all we had?

Thats another hard thing to deal with- when I have ugly days or get a pimple or feel bloated :rolleyes: I just get down on myself, thinking 'I bet that other girl doesn't have this problem'...Ive hung out with the girl, so its easy to make mental comparisons of me and her. Its so ridiculous and Im pretty embarassed to even say that, because I think I'm hot! And unique in a ton of areas. Haha...I guess its just a huge blow to the self-confidence, and I know it will get me nowhere thinking those things...its just hard not to when Im feeling self-critical. Its funny though, because she is everything OPPOSITE of what he always said he loved in me. Im tall, slender but still have some curves, shes short and teeny, like, 90 pounds. He always said I had the perfect body and that girls that are too skinny/too little aren't his thing. He also said I made him think, and he used to comment on my career path and how Im the smartest girl hed ever met and how he loves that I give back to the community with my job field. Then he goes to date another dentist like hisself. Well, he proved that to me that he is full of sh**.

I know he wont come back, and I guess its for the best, and I know I just need to keep on. Actually, if he did return, it would be horrible for me because Id have to turn him down. No one treats me the way he did and expects to have me back. Or be my friend even! (and he wanted to be, saying Im 'important to him'. Yeah right! Clearly not!).

I guess yesterday was the worst day Ive had in a while; I got REALLY down. I dont even know if Im making sense right now with this, its more in relation to what I was feeling yesterday so its more difficult to put in words now. Today Im feeling good again. As far as DC guy, Im not making any effort anymore. Hes still saying 'I might come up this weekend'. And we've passed around a lot of sexual innuendos to each other, so thats definitely the motivation on his side...whatever. I guess I could just see how things go, but Im not going to count on anything significant happening there. Thanks for telling me not to waste my time- I can see how that can easily happen in this situation. I am sort of afraid to tarnish the nice, respectful image that I put across of myself when I was with my ex by 'getting under' this DC guy if that were to be an option...although i guess I already did! I am just torn, I feel so confused and I dont know how to go aout making my sad feelings go away, so i guess I have to experiment and allow myself to make mistakes along the way. My ex was not happy with my sexual past (he was a virgin, although we had a GREAT situation in that department despite that) so I think his disdain stuck with me and I still feel him judging me over my shoulder with every move I make in that area. So that makes me doubt myself a lot and my worth sometimes, even though I know I shouldnt.

Im 23, so needless to say, there are no guys that are fawning all over me...maybe if I was older, I could find some younger, hot guy to have fun with (Laurie, your situation reminds me of Samantha from Sex and the City, with her young model boyfriend/toy, great of a situation is that!). Im at the age where all the guys either want one thing, or dont know what they want in general. And some seem like wonderful boyfriends that will never betray you, and then they do what my ex did. Sigh...I just feel very frustrated right now. I guess I am just inspired by your stories that time will heal, and I will be OK and thankful that this happened...I hope that is the case for me!

And E.V- I understand what you're saying. If I were to do anything like that at all, it would not be some unassuming guy, it would be some guy that knows exactly where I stand. I dont take advantage of people...quite the opposite actually. My ex just took advantage of me pretty badly near the end, but Im not going to turn around and do the same thing to someone else out of retaliation now. Im pretty considerate and altruistic and I would never want to screw with anyones head, but thanks for making that point.

* I think the idea of going from someone who (I thought) really loved me more than anything, to someone who doesn't really care about me is just scary and depressing. Makes me feel de-valued...maybe I will just remain celibate until the next guy comes around that really thinks Im the world like my ex did when things were good..haha, just kidding (sort of).

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