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Fabat- Thanks for your suggestion. I had this guy who actually volunteered to be my rebound! Haha- a few weeks after my ex dumped me. I was a little wierded out by that, and I was sooo not into the idea of touching another guy, especially since I didnt even know if it was over with my ex yet. but he had always flirted with me when I was WITH my now-ex, so I took him up on it, and then after he got what he wanted he said he didn't 'want to get emotionally attached'. So that was a short rebound! Ugh. A boy toy would be great, it just seems I a) either get emotionally attached, or b) they flake out.

Sophia- Im the one with the Muslim ex, like you- my story is all over this board, I think you might remember it?
Its been 3.5 months since the 'break-up', and around 2.5 since he actually said 'Im not coming back'. i was with him for almost 2 years, very intensely. It ended with me being very angry after i found out about the new girl, and I pretty much poured my heart out, to which he responded "I dont deserve this (!)", and I told him I hated him. I dont think he will be calling me after all that...ever. Especially now that he has a new 'girlfriend'. Its interesting to think that you think that, though...you really think he will? It would be great for me to not give him the time of day if that were to happen. I juts have a feeling he is totally over me and is with her now, and will not be contacting me ever again.
hi citygirl. i think you are suffering from a slight case of tunnel vision. i know what that is like. when i had those moments of thinking my ex was carefree and living some fantastic life, i felt jealous, too. i just couldn't stop thinking in one straight, narrow pattern of absolutes and black and whites.

i know that i told you one time before that i had a friend whose boyfriend of ten years dumped her for another girl, and added insult to injury by being horribly mean to her. she was worried about seeing him because they still shared the same set of friends, and she knew he would be with this woman at parties and out in the city. but time passed, and when she did ultimately run into him, she was as sweet as anyone could be, both to him and to the girl. he was very uncomfortable with this, and on some level it was fantastic revenge. her whole life is different now. she lives 3000 miles away from him with a new boyfriend that worships her. she does amazing artwork that she never did when she was with him. she has an entirely different existence than she ever thought she'd have, an entirely BETTER one. and, naturally, he tried to get her back when his other relationship was over.

my sister's friend was just contacted by an ex-husband that treated her horribly SEVENTEEN years ago. he was actually apologetic. this happens all the time, and i could tell you stories all night. my mother has told me my entire life that 'they all come back'. this has proven to be true for me and people i know several times over. of course, the irony is usually that you don't want them back, because more often than not, you're with someone better.

nobody is perfect. we know nothing about your ex's new girlfriend or their relationship. maybe it's happy, maybe it's not so happy, maybe it will or won't be a day, a week, a month from now. you just never know. this moment is not forever. never say never, because some pretty strange things happen over time. whether he's happy or not has no bearing on you. he didn't 'get away' with anything, because life isn't a series of reward and punishment. he did some lousy things that have consequences, one of them being that he lost your respect. the old saying does have some validity: the only way to get over a man is to get under another one! disgusting, but true on some level. when you are ready, you will date someone else who you will love in a whole new way. and i swear to you that you won't care what he's doing or who he's with.
[QUOTE=citygirl23]
Sophia- Im the one with the Muslim ex, like you- my story is all over this board, I think you might remember it?
Its been 3.5 months since the 'break-up', and around 2.5 since he actually said 'Im not coming back'. i was with him for almost 2 years, very intensely. It ended with me being very angry after i found out about the new girl, and I pretty much poured my heart out, to which he responded "I dont deserve this (!)", and I told him I hated him. I dont think he will be calling me after all that...ever. Especially now that he has a new 'girlfriend'. Its interesting to think that you think that, though...you really think he will? It would be great for me to not give him the time of day if that were to happen. I juts have a feeling he is totally over me and is with her now, and will not be contacting me ever again.[/QUOTE]

Citygirl, of course I remember you and your story. And I still think he'll be calling you at some point in the future. It almost doesn't matter what they say. Mine said a few times he never wanted to speak to me again, even changed his phone number twice, but always ends up calling me himself eventually. It's not like I went out of my way to find him each time. Now it's different cause he moved to another country, but he'll probably reappear somehow sooner or later. Yes, the hardest part is to be strong and not take him back. I hope by the time your ex starts calling you will be happilly involved with another guy. What Opie said is true--falling in love with someone else is the absolute best method to get over an ex.
citygirl, keep remembering that he doesn't 'get' to be with anyone. what he gets is exactly what another poster here said- he gets to not know who he is at all, because he's jumping into another relationship, he gets to risk potentially screwing it up, and he risks having his own heart broken as well. you really, really don't know what is going on with them, and to assume that it's happy and all rainbows and sunshine and puppies would be very wrong.

and i also hope that you took part of my earlier advice with a grain of salt: get 'under' a guy when you're good and ready, and not a moment before!

i know it seems unfair, but i think it's still a little too soon to decide that yet. just be patient, wait and see what life brings. i was a bit like a whiny six-year-old myself a few months ago- i found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. i thought how horribly unfair it is that he found someone first. so, i was upset for a day, and i droned on to all my friends about it, and then i thought, so what? unless something has changed drastically for him in the year since we broke up, i think the poor girl has probably got her hands full.

you are going to be okay, more than okay. there are a lot of good things ahead.
I felt the same when my husband moved on. I left him as he was abusive but still loved him deeply and hoped we would sort it out. We worked at it and out of the blew he up and decided it was all too hard and found someone else. He went from my bed to hers which really hurt. after his first date he said It was over and it was me who was number 1 we recommenced a relationship of sorts which included sex but he went back to her a few weeks later. I was jealous for a long time of his relationship with her and his life. He has our house and car and furniture whilst I am 60000 in debt and he who destroyed my hopes of happiness was happy with someone else ..how unfair is that. That I end up alone (my only blessing is my baby) and he ends up with happiness....or so I thought. 18mths later he spoke to me and pointed out that he was miserable. He knows he stuffed things up and that I will never come back. (got that right) but he knows it was his fault, he may have a girlfriend and the house and car. But I kept my son and my self respect. I know I did all I could to save our marriage and still do all I can to include him in my childs life (even having him and his girlfriend over etc) the guilt seems to have done some real damage. He seemed to me to have it all yet actually he has nothing. I am alone, fat, scarred from an accident and no real hope of ever loving again... way too much baggage but I have my boy and can look in the mirror without guilt. I feel such sadness for this man whose life I thought was so great. If your ex is really happy well at least you can move on knowing he is happy. Maybe in time even be ok with that. But maybe he is just making the best of it. Who knows. I hope you find some peace. Good luck.





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