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Hi Raaar.

I just recently posted a new thread listing all of my emotions lately, and Ive been going through a new rough patch too. I just think of it as new material for my therapist and I to discuss!

Please dont think you are a horrible person. In my opinion, you have been one of the most helpful people on these boards regarding the uplifting advice you've given ME throughout my situation. We have somewhat similar situations, and you've remained very positive and hopeful throughout all this. And Ive tried to do the same, because what else can we do? I dont want to become a self-fulfilling prophecy; if I think I will never recover, then I won't. I tell myself I WILL be OK, ecause I do not want him to take away any more time out of my life. I want to move on. It is just so hard some days.

I completely understand how depressing it is when you think of him having everything, and leaving you, and how everyone loves your ex and thinks he is this great guy. My ex was loved by ALL. That is why I went after him in the first place. I thought he was this very special person. Well, my therapist told me last Thursday that great guy does not always equal great boyfriend. I thought that was very important. And I think my ex bought into this idea of being such a great person a little too much, and as a result became a great selfish a**hole.

I also think that, how can we NOT be great, wonderful people if all we did was love someone to the best of our ability? You didnt do anything wrong. I know it is hard to think that when we were left the way we were, but I truly think you nor I did anything really wrong here. We are young, and so are our exes. Yet WE were the ones that were mature in this relationship, because we stuck it out, compromised, loved the person, we were faithful, we were caring, etc. How are we horrible people? How are we losers? They are the ones that were immature and disrespectful to people that did nothing but love them selflessly. People break-up, it happens, unfortunately, but people do not have to do it as immaturely, rudely and heartlessly as our exes did it. That makes THEM the wrong people here, not us.

If you read my thread, you might be able to relate to what I wrote. I dont want to repeat a lot of it in here, but let me say that I can completely relate to you when you say that you assume that he's forgotten that you existed, is totally happy now, and everyone looks at you as some pathetic person and he is still the winner. As crazy as it sounds to even write that down now, I can understand- that is what my thread is all about. I dont think its entirely true, however, hence my previous paragraph here. Yet, when I get in my moods, I feel that way 100%. I feel like he walked away with everything, and Im left with nothing. I know what you mean. Today was the first day I slightly cried over him in a few weeks/month or so.

I dont know what words I can say to make you feel better, because I am going through the same thing. I think the hardest part is remembering the good times we had. All the qualities I loved about him, the way he used to treat me and look at me, the moments we had. The person he USED to be, before he changed overnight. My best friend today told me- why do you want him? He acted like an immature middle-schooler to you! She said- we are the mature ones ready for an adult relationship, and he clearly cant handle it. And then she said (regarding his new girl), how can she live with herself? And she said, they deserve each other! It made me feel better. I think, most importantly, I have to remind myself that I dont want HIM, I want the OLD him, and I dont cry over HIM, I cry over how he made me feel. The betrayal. Ive moved past wanting him. Hes clearly not who I thought he was.

So with what my friend said, its nice to think in theory, its just hard when you imagine them happy and you're the ditched one trying to pick up the pieces. A lot of people gave me good words to take into mind in my thread- you should read their posts. I think what gets me through is when I remember how he treated me in the END, and how I realize that, if I have any self-respect, I can never forgive him for that. And I should never want him again. So in reality, as much as he may seem to not care and have this happy life full of sunshine and rainbows with this new chick, he lost too, because he lost my respect, my regard for him, and he lost a person that would have given him the world. And Im pretty great, so losing my respect is a big deal, in my opinion. ;) Especially how important I used to be to him.

Please keep writing, I can completely relate to what you're feeling. I hope your therapist is continuing to help. We are young, and we are good people- I think to be on this board giving OUR time to help others in hard situations says a lot about our characters in itself. :) We will be OK, in time.





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