It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hello,

I know most will say I should not be friends with my ex husband. We were married 5 years, together 7 years. Being a close friend with him has been good for me. He normally calls every single morning and night and I love it. Tonight he has not called and I called his cell phone a few minutes ago and he did not answer. It appears my ex has a date tonight. It is times like these that make me wonder how I can possibly go on as friends with him. (he ended the marriage because he was confused and I am still in love with him) My heart hurts so much right now. I keep thinking of him with another woman and it kills me. But then again I think of never speaking to him and that kills me also. What the heck am I suppose to do? I know the advice will be not to be friends with him but that is much easier said than done.
You will never heal until you cut contact with him. If there are children involved, some limited contact is necessary, but the only thing discussed should be child related. If you had no kids together, cut all contact. Boy he really has it good here, he can talk, relate, cry on the shoulder of a woman, he knows loves him. He can keep her on the back burner, while he gets to date and sleep with other women. Heck, if it doesn't work out he can move back in, no uncomfortable winning you back period. Sweet deal for him. What do you get out of this deal? Oh, I know, more heartache. Cut this one loose. Kick him to the curb and let him know you won't he his doormat any more.
Widen your circle of friends, make a greater effort to meet people. Throw a party with all your friends and ask them all to bring 2 people you've never met to the party. You can be friends with your ex, but not until you are over him and not until you can honestly and truthfully say you wish the best for him, and you can be thrilled and happy that he's found someone to love and has moved on and is happy with another woman. Work on filling up your own life and getting used to not having him to love and truly moving on. You haven't moved on at all, and you need to.
By staying in contact with your ex, you are just avoiding the pain that WILL eventually come when you actually have to grieve your relationship. It's clearly not going to be a happy ending with him, he seems to be moving on. I think it has been very unfair of him to string you along like he has...he has you right where he wants you. You need to cut off contact for yourself, because every minute you spend pining over him is a waste of your time...focusing that energy on healing will be much more beneficial and rewarding to you in the long run.
you can be friends but you will have to deal with yourself on the issue of him being with another woman/other women. i don't see anything wrong with being friends with an ex. but you'll just have to find a way to accept him moving on.
Have you two talked about getting back together now...maybe he's not confused anymore? If you aren't getting on with your life because you are holding out hope that the two of you will someday be back together, it's probably a good time to have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel and if there's no chance of you getting back together, it's probably best to sever ties with him so you can continue on with your life.
Farceur, this is SO unfair to you. You cannot stay in contact with this man--it will drive you crazy. He chose to end the marriage against your wishes, after fooling you into believing that he will change his mind at least twice! Don't let him jerk your chain any longer. Is the divorce final now? If so, I would advise you to cut ties with him. It will hurt a lot in the short run, but will be the best thing you did in the long run. maybe one day when you are no longer in love with him, you can try being friends, but definitely not now.
you want to be friends with him, so you dont miss him, so he is still around, to avoid the possibility of knowing it is over for good...i wanted to remain frirnds with my ex- we didnt marry, we were only going out for a relatively short amount of time compared to you, but being away from him, i was able to find out what i needed to do in order to fill my time and to figure out what i want from life- after your divorce, are you sure with what you want and what youre doing?...this has helped me become less depressed with life in general, im doing new things, i have the life ive always dreamt about expect i dont have the man of my dreams anymore- try new things, do the things youve always wanted to do, exciting things, try to meet new people- have a good time and pamper yourself! altho it doesnt stop your feelings for your ex, youll miss him less and less as each day goes by. youll have your good days, youll have your bad days, but in the long run, youll be much better off...trust me...
by staying in contact, youll end up more hurt...deal with it now rather than later..dont be like me, hurting for weeks and weeks...get on with it now...
itll probably be the hardest thing you do, and you probably wont do it now, yoll probably need him to start dating someone for a long time, youll need to be hurt more before you want to cut off all contact but do it now before you get really, really hurt...
The judge has not yet signed our divorce papers or at least I do not think he has. He should have signed those over a month ago. I am sure the court is tired of me calling so I decide to wait till it arrives in the mail.

I agree with what everyone is saying. I am not ready to break ties with him right now. I am sure in time I will do it. I will say that it is getting easier and easier accepting things I would never had been able to accept a few months ago. I have already felt myself caring less and less for him as time goes by. I have also accepted it is over between us (of course with anyone that has been dumped we always "hope" they will get back together.) This past weekend I looked up volunteer work and put in a few requests to help others. That should take up alot of my times in the evenings.

This is not the first time I have been in a situation like this and I know I can pull myself out of this one.

Thanks to all that came to my rescue last night. I feel so much better today. :)
that is so good to hear :)
well done with the volunteering! dont stop there though, keep going...do other new things...
youll have your ups and downs, but stay strong and youll pull through :)
may i ask, what caused the divorce?
I gained weight and he fell out of love with me. Came home one day and told me he loved a girl at work (it was only a mental affair). From that point on the marriage spiraled down hill from there.
oh my...what a jerk! that is awful...so sorry to hear that...
hope your doing ok...seems that way...but youll be even better when he is out of your life for good...trust me...work on it...





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:24 AM.





© 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!