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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi Sophia-

I'm not sure how you can meet the right guy. I met my fiance online, but I know that's not working for you. I do wonder if it's not a matter of changing where you meet them, but who you choose to anser or flirt with or respond to initially. Maybe you're drawn to guys for the wrong reason, so the ones you actually go on dates are all wrong for you.

I'm just wildly speculating here, but I thought about this a lot with my friends and before I met my fiance. For me, all the guys I dated had some kind of dramatic quality--they were semi-pro athletes, performers, artists, etc. I thought I wanted someone who was driven and a little different. The flip side is that they were either self-centered and couldn't think beyond their own goals or emotionally with-drawn and focusing on something else to avoid dealing with a relationship and often didn't have the other qualities that would make me happy. Another friend always dates guys who are extremely quiet and steady because she thinks they'll be stable. She has a big personality, so they get freaked out that she's so much more the center of attention than they are. And often the quiet guys aren't stable, they're just seething quietly. Another friend dates guys who have quirky senses of humor like she does, but they don't have their lives together like she does, so she gets frustrated with them.

When I met my fiance, I'd finally realized that I was looking for someone who had all the qualities I wanted, not just one in the extreme. I'm not sure I would have picked him out 5 years ago. He was a little more conservative than my typical date, but when I read his profile, he just seemed to look at the world in a similar way. I didn't know on the first date, but I knew within the first couple of weeks. He was cute, smart, funny, emotionally available, athletic had a good job. He's got annoying qualities too, but they just don't bother me.

Sorry to ramble. I always think this is an intereting topic.

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