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Wow, your story is all too similar to mine, except my ex is not married yet (at least, as I know of right now). He was not my first boyfriend either, but he was my first real, mature, true-love relationship. Ive never loved anyone like him, I knew he was the one, he said it back, and we talked of marriage a lot. We were together almost 2 years, long-distance for a year of it, and it was excruciating missing him, waiting until we could be together, etc. Im 23 and he WAS 22 at the time. So we're young, but still, it hurts more than anything.
Finally, he got into dental school in the city, and...guess what? 2.5 months into it, the distance started from him. He 'never had the time' to see me due to studying, etc etc. Just acted like he wanted me to go away a lot, or leave him alone. Well, I started having gut feelings about this girl in his program, who lived downstairs. She was in his new close circle of friends, and he had always had lots of female friends. Im not the jealous type, and I had always trusted him, so I tried not to think anything of it and chalked it up to him just making new friends. Well, they were always together, this girl and him, in a group, but still, he seemed to always want to go down there, to her room, even when I was there in HIS room, and when with his friends he just acted SO DIFFERENT. More immature, more stupid, more...just, weird and unlike him. I started complaining a lot too, because, I mean- he was treating me differently! Of course I was going to vocalize it. He was just, not himself. Well, a week or two later, he just stopped calling over a stupid fight in which I checked his email (the password he had GIVEN to me) because I was worried about him- he had disappeared for the entire day/night without contacting me! I wanted to see if he was stil alive, and frankly, at this point, I DIDNT trust him. He yelled and acted like an a** and then just didnt call me. We had takled every single day multiple times for almost 2 years, so I lost it. When I went down to his place a few days later to ask him why he hadnt called, he broke up with me. HE cried hysterically, told me he needed to be alone, didnt know who he was anymore, needed to 'soul search', blah blah blah. The saddest thing is, I believed all of it. Never saw it coming- thought we'd always be together. Turns out, after dragging me along for a month (yet telling his friends he was done with me), he ends up jumping into a relationship with that same girl. I had asked him if there was another girl at LEAST 4 times, even used her specific NAME! And he said no no no, I will only think of you. If I had the time I would give it to you...all the bs. Seemed sincere. Cried some more.
It makes me sick, still, to this day, that I actually fell for it all. I didnt eat, didnt sleep, saw a therapist, was physically ill. I thought he was god's gift as far as males are concerned. He was sensitive, caring, etc...but it turns out that his true colors came out. He was selfish, immature, etc. as well, and it overrode his good qualities when it came to me. I still havnet gotten over it, but Im getting over HIM (if that makes sense?) Its been 4 months, and very recently Ive started going out and meeting all kinds of guys casually, throwing away my morals temporarily and just having a good time!
We had a lot of differences, as far as religion, moral values, etc., which I think factored in a lot with my relationship. He was Muslim and just judged me a lot and had all of these 'practices' that I tried to live up to. I gave up sex for him too. Over time, it got so frustrating. I sacrificed everything to be with him, while he did nothing but date me and reap the benefits. Must have een nice. As they say- love is blind. I didnt realize the whole time that I was resenting him for not feeling like an equal in the relationship. So when he did this to me, that was it.
Sounds like our exes just took us for granted. Especially with you suggesting an open relationship. Its like they knew they could have their cake and eat it too. So they took that route.
I know I can find someone better for me out there, and you can too. This will, of course, have to happen once I can get past his hurtful words, disrespect, and just the shock of it all. He actually said to me, when I cried- "I dont deserve this". UGH, the nerve! So, the whole shock of someone changing so much is hard to get past.
I dont think that you want someone that can (in theory) cheat on you, look at you in the face and tell you they dont love you, and jump RIGHT in with another woman. I dont want my ex anymore, at all, because he is not the same person I fell in love with and trusted. Ive concluded that mine 'emotionally cheated', which in my opinion is almost worse! It is almost like the death of the one I loved, because he no longer exists, so there is a long mourning process involved. Allow yourself to have that. Try not to think of it as "he didnt CHOOSE me", think of it as "he hurt me and betrayed me and I will mourn for awhile but I know I deserve better". It is nothing you did. I blamed myself for a long time for the break-up, but very recently I realized that I have SO much going for me, and all I did was love him, maybe even a little too much! I can't blame myself for any of that. Now, all I blame myself for is falling for his stupid empty words when he broke up with me, allowing him to drag me on while I tried to get answers, and for putting up with so much of his crap at the end.
A lot of us here have gone through/are going through the same thing. Please keep posting. I have lots of thoughts on this, as it is still very recent to me, so Im always here to share my story and to listen :) If I ever hear that my ex is going to marry this girl, I will probly have a nervous reak-down. I thought Id be the one that he would lose his virginity to, and all of that, so it would pain me so much to find that out. I cant imagine what youre feeling. Sorry this is so long, but please see that I truly understand and am here for you :)





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