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Thanks so much guys. I am crying my freaking eyes out right now, just sliently at my computer so no one knows. My daughter wanted to go to a friends house, and my son is going to a frined's house soon so so much for comfort. I guess it's probably better this way as I am such a mess and hiding it today has been exhausting.

But just hearing what you guys said makes me cry and cry again. I feel like such a complete idiot. I don't think I have ever felt more stupid, as I so should have known better this time. It's so bizarre that I thought my eyes were so open this time, and I was so upfront about the honesty thing and it being the most important thing to me ever--that I couldn't take another liar ever again, and all the while he's what?? Laughing at me? If he was on fire I would actually be glad---serously, glad. Sick.

As for what he told me, he was living with his buddy. He was livnig with his parents. When he made up this big elaborate story about having to move out of his roomate's place and needing some place to live, I even told him if he got in a bind he could stay with me. (ok--so I'm vomiting now) He always said, "I'm heading over to my parents...I'm helping my mom out for Christmas dinner--headed over there now, going over my mom's for my bday, can you pick me up at my mom's--I'm here visiting and it's better to p/u here tonight, and countless other times. I told him there was no shame in moving "BACK" to his parents house if he had to b/c he was in his early 20's-and there was nothingwrong w/ that--that lots of us have had to do that---and he goes, "There is NO way I would live w my parents!! No way. I have to find another place..."

I am just reeling from it all. Who does that?? Who lies like that for no reason? There was never even a reason for God sake. I was a freaking freeby! Not like he was trying to get me or something!

And the messed up trashed yard?? Who does that? This is his friends house that lives there with his GF--my friend who he doesn't like and hates him. Who threatens to beat the crap out of a girl? In front of people? Who does that when he has done and said what he did to me? I get that it was a lie now, but what freaking reason for all the lies? I was a sure thing, people. No future plans, no family involvement, nothing--so why lie? That's why I just KNEW ha ha I wasn't being lied to--no reason!!

My phone fell in the toilet last night too of all things and is trashed. No phone numbers--all stored in my phone. I wish I had those numbers today--could use the support, the relating, venting, whatever. But I have you guys...thanks SOOO much for not slamming me on this. I know you are probably shaking ur heads about me right now--believe me so am I. I can hear people's thoughts it seems....."What the heck did she think she was gonna get anyway? Sleeps w/ him right away, he's 22, and she's taken him back when he's been a total jerk! She firggin deserves this and I'm sick of hearing about it!" It's ok--I'm saying the same thing to myself anyway--but thanks for not beating me up over it--i know it's painfully easy.

Oh well--it won't get me down forever, just really overwhelmed with it all today and no one to talk to cept my BF in NY. She went off, got really angry, adn then cried with me. Saying she'd kill him if she ever saw him.

I want revenge. I want it bad people--really really bad. I know it's stupid, and I can't get it from someone who doesn't care about anyone but themselves--but I want to humiliate him. Everyone said last night to me not to worry about that--he had already done that for himself--bigtime. Just to chalk it up to where I was in my life at the time, a lesson learned, and move on to a really nice guy when I am ready. Complete with fingerprints and a full backround check. Ive never known such horrible people in all my life as in the last year of it. Never. Evil horrible people and I am getting so jaded. Do I have a sticker on my head that says lie to me--humiliate me, please? Sure seems that way. I had the only two guys I have ever heard of lying about their home---never knew people wopuld even do that.

Gonna go. Back hurts sitting at the computer, gonna lie down I think. And shower...again. YUCK I feel disgusting..

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