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Okay....short story:

I met a man online about a year ago. He lives in the USA and I live in Canada. We are approx. 1500 miles apart. We flew back and forth a few times and spent large amounts of time with one another when we did. He asked me to marry him and three weeks ago, we were married in his state, along with all of his friends and family. My family could not come on short notice and due to cost. The plan all along was that I would move to his state. The reason for this is because I am able to work in the USA without any problems - (NAFTA) and he does not have the same education as me and would most likely have obstacles working in Canada. He has also had the same job for 20 years (we are both 40).

I adore this man. In fact, I have no regret in marrying him. He is so good to me - very loving, sweet, kind, generous. I could go on and on.

So what is the problem?

I have children aged 24, 22, 20, 17, 15 and 10. The oldest three are on their own - graduated from university and working - my oldest daughter is getting married this year. They are not dealing with me moving at all. They are angry and upset. They feel that I am deserting them.

The other three - I have a shared custody with their dad, so I have them 50% of the time. My 15 year old actually has not came to see me in a month because she is mad at me - not because of the move, but because I won't let her boyfriend spend the night (her father doesn't care and I do). I refuse to bend on that one, just to see her. I think it is ridiculous. The other two come and go. If I move, I would have them for longer periods of time. May to September. A month in December. A month in March. They attend a private school that allows this - we did it once before when I left the country for a year.

My new husband has two children that he sees every other weekend - IF HE IS LUCKY! They are 18 and 16. They live with their mother and he has been divorced for 15 years! They live a 5 hour drive from him and he has to fight to have those kids come and visit him because they are more interested in their activities then they are in seeing him. Nice kids though. I love them and understand why they don't want their lives to revolve around their father. My kids on the other hand, are always hanging around (except the 15 year old and her attitude right now).

I asked my new husband if he would live in Canada with me and he said "no, because he wants to be near his children for the next two years until they are completely done school" and then "we can move to Canada after that maybe."

I am really hurt by this. My kids are upset, crying and begging me to stay. His kids are mad at him when he forces them to see him! I love my husband and want to be with him. I don't care where we live as long as we are together, but I feel sick to death of leaving my kids behind.

Also, I have just learned (Friday) that we are pregnant! So throw that into the mix! I haven't told my husband because I don't want him to make me move there tomorrow. He wants me to move to his state in the next month and I have a job that I am waiting to be hired. Once that goes through, I will be off. Yet, my heart is breaking into a million pieces.

What do I do? Please don't give me a trite response like "divorce him" because I won't do that. It isn't an option. I could do the long distance thing for awhile, but I know that he will never agree to that.

T.





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