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[QUOTE=Destiny79]Well basically i'm in love with a man who is in a relationship already. Although the man i am seeing is not married, he does have a girlfriend and it seems very serious. I no i should just walk away but i can't because i love him. I know it is the right thing to do as you'd all say i deserve better and deserve someone to want the world to know we are together, rather than me just being kind of a bit on the side and always second best. I know all that, yet I just can't. I suppose there;s always the hope that he'll leave his girlfriend for me. I miss him so much when i'm not with him, and when i look at it from an outsiders point of view, i no i am accepting second best and should have higher standards. And that i shouldn't let him be with me unless he is with me solely. BUt surely anything is bettter than nothing? I'm going through hell i must admit, i eat, sleep and breath him, i cry all the time, started putting on weight through comfort eating and drinking just to make me feel a bit better. And after spending the night with him the other day after he'd broken up with his girlfriend and needed to talk (although i did not have sex with him as then he could just use me for sex and i've made that mistake before!), when i text him the next day to see how he was, he said he'd had a lovely evening yet thought he owed it to his girlfriend to give it another go!! Now that hurt. Why do i let him treat me this way? I want to walk away, but i just have the thought in my head that maybe if i keep seeing him , he will fall in love with me and want to be with me properly. Love sucks! He's still not back with his girlfriend but hasn't contacted me in 3 days so i guess that should tell me something. That he wants her back. I no he loves her, yet why does he want to cuddle up to me and spend time with me? Please help!! Why can't i just walk away! I no why, that four letter word.... Advice please!![/QUOTE]

I tink as women we grow up being taught that it's the right, reasonable, moral and virtuous thing to do to put ourselves last, therefor it's so easy to love someone more than we love ourselves, and that's where your main problem is. this guy can't be yours if he's still part his. Anyone with any real self respect and strength of self love would just walk away and tell him to get bend and move on. But I know 1) what it's like when you love someone and get that rush of hormones and Oxytocin and 2) the fear that there's no one else out there, and with the statistics and numbers, it's a very real, valid fear. BUT...

still, I don't think you need anyone here to tell you that chasing or waiting around for a man who is already in a pretty serious relationship is a dead end road. I think the best way to show him what a catch you are is to show him how well you can do without him. I know it sounds crazy, but believe it or not, nothing turns a man on more than the chase, than knowing that the woman he wants can do without him. As soon as he knows he has you in his hip pocket, he loses interest. I'd say move on, busy yourself with your own life. Let him know when he's ready to choose you and only you, you'll take his call but not before.

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