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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=tinkerbell06]I had this boyfriend josh and all he did 24/7 was yell at me andblame me for stupid thingthat were not evan my fault and he would hit me quite alot , his mom is a idiot and so is his dad, so i think he got it from them. sometimes he could be nice but most of thetime me was mean and called me names like a ugly hor and after that when i tell him he hurt my feelings he would just say " so" . Now we are broking up becouse i broke up with him but hearing his vocie now always make me jump in exitment becouse i still like him and for some reason i still wanna be with him . (What should I do) HELP???????????[/QUOTE]


I'm assuming that when you first started falling in love with this man he was all lovey dovey and the abuse and hitting didn't come, or at least didn't become so frequent, until he was certain that he "had you." When we fall in love, our body produces chemicals, seretonin and oxytocin, and they make us feel good, warm and fuzzy and comforted, and they reduce stress. That's why falling in love feels so good. I think it's pretty easy to get addicted to that feeling and how those chemicals make us feel. That's why it's so hard for some of us to control who we love. I wouldn't say it's "wrong" per se to love someone who hit you, BUT it IS wrong to remain in a situation that is unhealthy for you. You can love him all you want to, as long as you understand that you deserve a life free of verbal and physical abuse and violence. You know this guy treated you poorly and you know you would be nothing but miserable with him. And you know you cannot be in a happy, healthy relationship with him, and you know you deserve a happy, healthy relationship. Don't beat yourself up too much over your feelings that seem to come over you like a knee-jerk reaction. It's what you do with those feelings that's important. Acknowledge them, honor them by accepting that you are a loving, forgiving person who cared about this guy, but also honor yourself and acknowledge the strong, sane, self-protective, smart part of you that dumped him, knowing that even though those feelings are still there, dumping him was indeed the right thing to do. In the meantime, get out and enjoy your life, shake it up, have fun, meet new people, and the more guys you meet, the more you'll realize what being treated right feels like, and that urge to go running back to the comfortable and familiar for convenience's sake will dwindle.





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