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Well, it is the same story for me--I am getting SO tired of being single! It feels like forever since I have had a boyfriend, much less been in a relationship. Someone even asked a relative of mine, why I didn't have a boyfriend because she thought I was "so beautiful and sweet", and she was, I guess wondering what was wrong with me---even sort of feeling my aunt out to see if I was gay :eek: !! Then some people think I am a big flirt, and that I am out to steal their boyfriends/husbands :rolleyes: . Which none of the above is true, but people have had these thoughts all because I am single with no one! It is soo aggrivating and very upsetting to me. Also, some people at work thought I might be pregnant, when in reality I went to the doctor and had strep throat, then I got really sick, went to the doctor again, and I had the flu--strand A. So people have thought all kinds of false things about me because I am single.

Another thing I have been a little upset about lately is my best friend. She lives a couple of hours away from me, and last friday I had a work meeting in the city where she lives. I met her for dinner after the meeting was over (which I wasn't origionally going to because I was going to go out with some people from work, but she had called really depressed and lonely, so instead of heading back home, I was going to stay the night at her house and meet her for a late dinner after my meeting). Well, during dinner a guy whom she works with called her and was wanting to know what she was doing. She told him she was having dinner with a friend who was in from out of town, and he wanted to know if we wanted to meet up with him after we finished our meal---he was at a bar downtown with some friends. Well, she told him yes, and of course it was a complete turn around---she wasn't depressed anymore. I ended up telling her that I was going to drive on back to my house because I didn't want to be a third wheel---which I had a long day and was tired so that was fine with me, but she acted glad that I wasn't going, and she told me that if I would have went he would have liked me instead of her. I ended up feeling upset and VERY lonely on the long drive back home that night.

Is anyone else going through anything similar?
Oh honey, I think many of us can relate. I'm sorry you felt so bad on the ride home. Your friend probably thought she was paying you a compliment by saying her male friend would go after you instead of her if you were there, but I know that doesn't make it feel any better. Relatives and friends mean well, and many times it's our own bad feelings that make it worse, but it is hard. My cousin got married last spring and just had a baby, and no one even told me she was pregnant. My mom said she didn't want to tell me because she thought it would upset me, which it did a little bit, basically that both my younger cousins are married and one just had a baby and I'm the loser old maid spinster grandaughter, the only one not married. But I was much more upset that I was left out of the loop of an important family event, but I know my mom was only trying to protect me, so I can't be upset at her. I found out because I was over at my parents' house for my mom's birthday and her sister called, the mother of my cousins, and my mom asked her how the grandchild was and had she seen her grandchild recently. I was like "grandchild???" and she fessed up my cousin had a baby.

My friend (the mutual friend I've talked about) is also certain I must have some lesbian tendancies because it's been 8 years since I've had a boyfriend and since I don't want to mess around with him anymore. Ugh, I just can't deal with him anymore. I still talk on the phone with him once in a blue moon, but don't really see him anymore. I think my extended family just thinks I'm retarded or mentally deficient in some way. But for me what makes it worse it the guilt I feel for doing this to myself. For blowing the one chance at happiness I had, and not being able to forgive myself for not stronger, better somehow, not being the kind of woman my ex's wife is, and if only I could have been smarter, stronger, less self-centered, less fiesty or more willing to put my needs on the back burner or whatever, I'd be the one in a nice house with a loving, wonderful husband and two beautiful kids and life worth living instead of crying myself to sleep every night and a pain in my chest that never goes away.

No, you certainly aren't alone. I think there are a lot of women in varying degrees of the same boat. No matter what anyone says, it's just hard to go years and years alone. I was looking at some stuff on the internet today about medical and scientific studies done on the health benefits of touch and how important it is to physical and mental/emotional health to be hugged and held and touched by close friends, family or a spouse or someone you have a close, intimate bond with. I will always believe companionship is like a good, healthy diet. You need it to thrive. Every time I say something like this someone always shows up to tell me how stupid and unenlightened and too focused on the external I am, but I for one will just never buy that. Aside from the medical and scientific evidence, I've learned too much from my own personal experience to know how important having someone special that you have regulary physical contact with is to living a full life.

What to do when we are forced to go extended periods without it is the rub. It hink it could be beneficial to go for regular massages, manicures, other things where you are touched in some way. Other than that, I guess all we can do is do our best to fill our lives with things that make us happy, that include other people, that make us feel useful and productive, and to keep hope that things will turn around soon. And if they don't then it must be for a reason. And of course support each other. Hang in there sweetie!
You know what, girl? You have PSWS. Do you know what that is? It's Pretty Single Woman's Syndrome. And it's a devastating disease....The only cure is a good man, but much like the flu vaccine, there is an inexplicable shortage. :p

No, I'm trying to make you laugh because YES, there are people who are going through the same thing you are. I can't tell you the lesbian buzz, the "she must be crazy" whispers, the "maybe it's drugs or something" etc. Even my uncle said in front of my ENTIRE FAMILY in a crowded and very upscale restaurant, "99% of the men in here would want to be with you. What is wrong with you?". GASP! (I mean, I'm not a total dog, but the 99%? Not so much. And regardless, in front of everyone????? :eek: )

What people don't realize is just because you are pretty and *they* like you does not mean that *datable* men are going to be knocking down your door to put a ring on your finger! There's just this very ugly little secret that many people don't know anything about. It's called REALITY... :rolleyes:

All you can do is realize that life is not easy or fair, nor does it make any freaking sense at all. And even worse, you HAVE TO, HAAAAVE TO kiss A LOT of frogs to find your prince. Take opportunities to meet eligable men because even the frogs have friends, neighbors, brothers, cousins, etc.

Don't let people piegeon hole you into this "failure" just because you have potential and don't have a man. You have standards, you have a busy schedule, you have comfort zones. Yes, maybe you need to take a second look at those, but finding a man who is worth having is not easy, and you know if it were just about finding a man, any man, you could have one in...uh...how many seconds?

Put yourself on the market. If guys get vibes that your taken, stuck up, not interested, etc., they won't approach you. If you come across as shy, they don't know what to do or say. If you come across as too glamorous and sophisticated, they may be a little intimidated by you. When in doubt smile, look like you are having fun and converse, laugh, mingle. Those are the girls that guys think, "Hmmmm...this is someone I could talk to..." It'll happen, just be patient, and DON'T STRESS.
Tigerlilly, I can't believe your uncle said that!! It's amazing what some people think they have the right to say. I worked with a woman who had three or four kids and she asked me how old I was and I told her (I was I think 37 at the time, something like that) an dsaid "so , how many kids do you have?" I said none, and she said "none??!! Really?? And you're 37? and not one??" I said nope, and she popped her eyes, raised her brow and looked down in a "ok, she's nuts!" expression and said "wow!!" I wouldn't have minded so much if I didn't care whether I had kids, but I ache for children of my own, and it does hurt that some people think if you want kids and can't find a way to get them, then you are seriously dysfunctional.
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Is anyone else going through anything similar?[/QUOTE]


[SIZE=3]((((GLAMOUR GAL))))!!!!!![/SIZE]
Girl, I was in your position. I actually accepted the fact that I would NEVER meet Mr. Dang good enough to make me walk down the aisle again. LOL He showed up just as I'd accepted the fact that I'd die an unmarried woman with BT's (boy toys) on the side. :D The saying, " when you're not looking for "Him" and he'll show up", it's so friggin true. I got myself so busy with my little life, I didn't even think about men other than those nocturnal nights when I'm craving for sex and my toy chest is just a locked closet away. LOL Seriously... I worked so hard and got my multiple promotions ( I literally had no life other than work and going out with my friends when they can get away from their responsibilities), DVDs were my friends on Saturday nights and a glass of Pinot Grigo, I shopped till I dropped, literally. LOL I was able to train and run a marathon, I traveled to several countries, bought several homes and took a shot at fixing them up myself... I mean, my head was so wrapped up in my little life, I almost didn't recognize when my fiance was hitting on me! LOL Seriously... until my boss said something to me. LOL I mean, my fiance was so blatant about trying to ask me out and I was clueless.

He will come one day when you're not even paying attention... I swear. If my boss hasn't said anything, I would have missed the boat! LOL

Don't worry... in the meantime, maybe if you pick up a hobby ( I know, I'm just trying to give you some ideas) or join a club or learn a new language... you'd be so absorbed with what you're doing... then POOF! he shows up!

(((BIG HUGS))) keep your chin up... :D
Hiya,
Some people are just plain *******. Ok? That woman who said that to you HAS ISSUES. I mean, does being entirely rude and inappropriate make her feel better about herself? Obviously so, and there is NOTHING more pathetic than that. When I encounter something like that, you know what I say? "Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, honey, you just go right on believing in it." I know that's bitchy, but sometimes you fight fire with fire. (And trust me, that shuts those types up like nothing else will)
As for my uncle, he meant it as a compliment, but the underlying message is "Girl, you need a man now. Why don't you have one? It must be your fault." And hey, it could very well be my fault, but I'll tell you what. I *lIke* dating. I like it. Does it satisfy all of my needs? No, but what will? Marriage? Um, divorce rate is 50%. I don't want to have children, and I'm kind of, well, a little bitchy in relationships, so while I work on that, I'm where I should be.
Other people think I should be married. I know that. I don't. Who's in a better place to judge? ME! Does that mean I NEVER want to get married? Not necessarily but I NEVER want to get married to a loser, and if someone else does, then "whatever makes them feel better about themselves..." :D
sometimes people just can't mind their own business.. :rolleyes: i can almost relate to what you're going though, GG (i don't however want a boyfriend.. :D ). now i'm not so sure. the numbers are just too overwhelmingly against me. i'm so old now and i've just forgotten. to tell the truth, i don't feel lonely and i don't even realize anything about not having a gf until someone mentions it. i'm so lazy right now i don't even want to get to know anyone. even if scarlett johansson came up to me i'd probably just turn and go the other way.

where i work, there's one guy who has a steady gf but sleeps around and forbids his gf to do the same thing.. :D . then there's this other guy who had a gf but she left him for cheating guy who beats the crap out of her. regardless of your situation, whether single or not, nothing is ever perfect. just try and enjoy your life for what it is. i may not have a gf but i really have to be appreciative for the other things i do have (alright i have a really bad job right now but it won't last forever).

GG, i really urge you to stop thinking about this stuff. thinking about it doesn't change anything, just makes you feel worse. you're a really nice, sweet girl who could be putting her energy into something much better and useful and more fullfilling not just for yourself but for others as well. us guys really aren't worth all this stressing after all the crap some of us pull.. :rolleyes:
Yo from a guys perspective I can tell you one thing about pretty girls and I agree with tiger....you ahve to present yourself with a fun auroa. I have seen many pretty girls that just look like they dont wanna be approached and they later find out that they were disapointed that I didnt talk to them. I find the girls that are smiley, a little goofy and energitic to be the most attractive. I HATE it when girls stand like they own the world and start interogating you with questions...liek how much $$ you make and sh**. IT is rude and very unattractive...and I find that a lot of times girls like that are single because they scare all men away. Also cant be too shy or nervours...because that makes you look like boring. Just letting you know a guy;s perspective. Beauty is only a part of it...personality is a lot more than most guys and girls realize. Dont be afraid to be a little flirty as long as it is geniune and not something jsut for attention. Guys love when girls flirt with them...I know I do.
Yeah, GG, the past few mornings I've been waking up feeling especially empty and aware of my lonely existance.
Doesn't happen every morning, but seems lately it's becoming more common. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm getting real scared that this is it for the rest of my life - that this is [I]as good as it gets[/I]. What a scary thought. But I can't see it changing, been this way too long.

On a plus note, I looked into starting some volunteer work. I hope it comes through for me. Maybe it will help. I work in an office of surrounded by cubicle walls all day, so maybe being in a more people oriented environment in the volunteer position will help me feel more alive (even if just a few hrs a week).

It's good to see you again! Drop back soon! :wave:
Yup, I run into things like that a lot. Im 35, single, in very good physical shape, play in a band, ride a motorcycle, have been told Im very attractive, have a college degree and a good career, and many other things that apparently make me a good catch, so I always get the why are you single thing. Ive had several people that thought I was gay or that theres something definitely not right because I shouldnt be single. That really doesnt bother me, in fact, I think its funny. I have two gay friends so Im not homophobic, so if people want to think that, let em. I know Im straight and thats all that matters.

It gets hard around my married friends, especially the ones with kids. Theres many nights I would be at thier houses hanging with them and goofing around with the kids only to have to go home to my empty house. It can be lonely, but theres also tons of perks. When I was driving home one night feeling a little lonely, I started to ask myself what I wanted to do when I got home... work on some music, maybe go for a ride on the motorcycle, and it then dawned on me... if I had a family at home, I wouldnt be able to just do whatever I wanted, so there are perks to it.

Ive also done a lot of work on myself over the last 4-5 years and Im to the point that I can honestly say I dont need someone else to be happy, and I actually enjoy being single. I can also say I dont want to be alone the rest of my life, but for now its fine.
[QUOTE=Jt7054]When I was driving home one night feeling a little lonely, I started to ask myself what I wanted to do when I got home... work on some music, maybe go for a ride on the motorcycle, and it then dawned on me... if I had a family at home, I wouldnt be able to just do whatever I wanted, so there are perks to it.[/QUOTE]
It's funny, the same things that are perks to single life are the same things that worry me most at times.

I've been having the same thoughts - looking around my apt, knowing it's all mine and I don't have to share my space with anyone, which is nice.
However, at the same time, I worry, I've been on my own so long (lets face it - I was by myself even in my last relationship), that if by some crazy miracle someone did come along, I'm not sure I would even know how to open up and share my space or self with that person anymore.
It's all just crazy. :confused:
I think you feel that way when you're younger. It's nice ot be in total control of your life and not have to answer to anyone or check anyone else's schedule or whatever. But I think as you get older, and I think it happens later in life with some men than it happens for wome, but as you get older, you realize that being free to do whatever you want is not really what life is all about in the long run. Being with any people, friends, co-workers, whatever, takes compromise. I think if you're lucky enough to meet that right one for you, the rewards of compromise are worth the sacrifices you have to make.
Hey Glamour! :wave: Hang in there, girl. Of course, I can relate to your feelings. Still single as well, and yeah, heard my share of comments on how I must be "too picky," "lesbian," how "I could have any guy I want, so of course it must be ME rejecting them"--you name it. :rolleyes: These comments are infuriating more than anything else. Some days are good and I'm feeling fairly content with my life, and some days are awful and depressing. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and already I'm starting to get the "another year, same story" kind of feeling. But what can we do? I figure it's not in my control so I just have to completely let it go and let my life unfold itself the way it wants to. I mean, a friend of mine met her future husband at an auto-body shop when her car was broken. Now, I never meet anyone in these kind of everyday situations anymore. But I guess everything is the way it's supposed to be because if we were supposed to be with someone now, we would be, right? That's my measly attempt at a philosophical approach to this ;)
Glamourgirl, are you around? Hope you're feeling a bit better. Now, it's my turn to get the blues. I've been crying all morning because in a conversation with my grandmother I mentioned something about my ex-boyfriend, and she said that he probably found someone in Switzerland and got married. I don't know why she would say such a thing but it got me so depressed. :( I don't want him to marry someone else--I've already lived through this with my ex-fiance, and I don't think I could survive something like that again. I went for a walk today and felt so invisible. I don't even see any single guys my age anywhere in my area, and I don't even relate to anyone (seems like most men in my area fit into the "dumb with big muscles" stereotype). My ex was so intelligent and worldly. He spoke four languages fluently and loved to travel, just like I do! How can I go back to a "normal" meat-and-potatoe kind of guy after him??? :confused: A friend of mine who is Jewish and has been single for a long time finally found someone on a dating site for Jewish people, and I just can't find anyone (maybe I should convert? lol At least two other girls I know found their boyfriends on that site.). I feel so useless and like I have no purpose in life. Sorry for the venting on your thread, but I didn't really want to start another one just for this reason. Hope things are going better for you--let me know how you've been.
Love,
Sophia
Oh, Sophia, I'm so sorry! :( *hugs*

Must be something in the water, 'cause my Grandma upset me too last night. She called me an "old maid". Never mind that I'd also been crying my eyes out from loneliness. She's basically saying that if I'm alone, it's all my fault, 'cause I'm not nice enough or whatever (meaning: a doormat). And she's like, "If you're single, it's 'cause you like it that way". Yeah, right. :rolleyes:

Last Xmas, she told me that I should get raped so I could get pregnant that way. (No, I am NOT kidding, unfortunately.) And, on my last birthday, my aunt started making menopause jokes. Argh!!! :mad:
[QUOTE=CrimsonClover]Oh, Sophia, I'm so sorry! :( *hugs*

Must be something in the water, 'cause my Grandma upset me too last night. She called me an "old maid". Never mind that I'd also been crying my eyes out from loneliness. She's basically saying that if I'm alone, it's all my fault, 'cause I'm not nice enough or whatever (meaning: a doormat). And she's like, "If you're single, it's 'cause you like it that way". Yeah, right. :rolleyes:

Last Xmas, she told me that I should get raped so I could get pregnant that way. (No, I am NOT kidding, unfortunately.) And, on my last birthday, my aunt started making menopause jokes. Argh!!! :mad:[/QUOTE]

Well, my grandmother's gone, but I'm sure she's up in heaven shaking her head at her oldest granddaughter ending up an old maid as well!! But with all due respect Crimson, it sounds to me like your grandmother's cheeze has slipped off her cracker just a bit. And your aunt should know better. Family can say some devastating things in the name of trying to be helpful, but I think this is something we all have to deal with in our own way. I get that a lot as well. I don't talk about this at all with anyone I know at work because everyone here is married and those who aren't really don't want to be, and I made a joke once with a lady about how I'll never have a wedding day (I can't remember what I said, but it really was funny) and she laughed and said "oh yes you will!" I mean, what else could she say? And my Jesus freak friend doesn't get it either, so I don't discuss anything of import with him either.

Another woman at work just found out she's pregnant and her direct boss put up all these pink balloons and banners congratulating her and her husband. I'm happy for her but I couldn't help notice the pain that felt like a knife right through my heart every time I walked past that pink display.

I'm not sure anyone can tell us any kind of mix and drink formula for being ok with being single, especially if the years keep passing by and bad first date after bad first date go by and still no one special shows up. All we can do is support each other and let each other know we're not alone. Hugs to all my fellow singleton lonely heartclubbers!
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I don't want him to marry someone else[/QUOTE]
:nono: toots, do you think that sounds fair?? would you like him to say that about you?? i don't like to hear that you've been crying.. its not healthy for you.

it seems that you think every successive partner should be an upgrade from the previous one. it doesn't and couldn't possibly be that way. i'm not so sure you can find someone who's better looking that speaks FIVE languages and travels twice as often with both an MBA and a PhD in engineering. you really have to evaluate each person independently without comparison. this is the ONLY thing stopping you. you do meet men, you've said so before and i just refuse to believe otherwise since you're attractive. since you keep comparing them to "mr. perfect" these poor schmucks never have a chance.

and i'm really sorry to see that everyone is so depressed about this stuff. i really think i'm staying away from relationships. my job gives me enough grief. :(
[QUOTE=Lance0204]:nono: toots, do you think that sounds fair?? would you like him to say that about you?? [/QUOTE]

If she's anything like me, probably!! The most crushing, painful, devastating, gut-wrenching thing my ex ever said to me was that he wanted me to find and be happy with someone else, i.e. someone other than him, because HE didn't want me anymore. It may SEEM like a nice sentiment, "aw, gee, he wished you well" but all I heard was "you're not good enough for me, I don't want you so I'm shining you on. Good luck, good riddence, don't let the screen door hit your butt on the way out." Just another example of how men and women look at things totally differently! :)
[QUOTE=Hiya]If she's anything like me, probably!! The most crushing, painful, devastating, gut-wrenching thing my ex ever said to me was that he wanted me to find and be happy with someone else, i.e. someone other than him, because HE didn't want me anymore. It may SEEM like a nice sentiment, "aw, gee, he wished you well" but all I heard was "you're not good enough for me, I don't want you so I'm shining you on. Good luck, good riddence, don't let the screen door hit your butt on the way out." Just another example of how men and women look at things totally differently! :)[/QUOTE]
yeah, that really is a difference. i don't interpret it as "not good enough". i see it as more of "not a good fit". no one person is ever "too good" or "not good enough" for another. i refuse to believe otherwise. how would you judge that anyway?? its all subjective and based on what WE percieve to be "good" qualities. for instance, if you were with someone and you later discovered they were a drug addict, abusive, etc... you broke up and now the person is with another drug addict with no ambition in life. that person would NOT be better than you, would they?? they would be a better fit for the loser guy. when someone says " i don't want him to marry someone else", i equate that to "i don't want him to ever be happy".
[QUOTE=Lance0204] when someone says " i don't want him to marry someone else", i equate that to "i don't want him to ever be happy".[/QUOTE]

I agree, only I would add "I don't want him to ever be happy...with anyone but me because I still love him and want him to love me back and can't accept that that will never happen because it's just too painful and the thought of him loving someone else and not me when I still love him so much makes me cry my eyes out." I mean, the whole "we loved, enriched each other's lives, now go, prosper and be happy" is all nice and well, but when one person is still in love, it just doesn't alway work out that way.
[QUOTE=Lance0204]:nono: toots, do you think that sounds fair?? would you like him to say that about you?? i don't like to hear that you've been crying.. its not healthy for you.

it seems that you think every successive partner should be an upgrade from the previous one. it doesn't and couldn't possibly be that way. i'm not so sure you can find someone who's better looking that speaks FIVE languages and travels twice as often with both an MBA and a PhD in engineering. you really have to evaluate each person independently without comparison. this is the ONLY thing stopping you. you do meet men, you've said so before and i just refuse to believe otherwise since you're attractive. since you keep comparing them to "mr. perfect" these poor schmucks never have a chance.

and i'm really sorry to see that everyone is so depressed about this stuff. i really think i'm staying away from relationships. my job gives me enough grief. :([/QUOTE]

Hey sweets--thanks, I feel a bit better today--saturdays are the absolute worst for me. No, believe it or not, I'm not really meeting anyone these days. I don't want him to marry someone else not because I want him to be unhappy, but because I'm selfish and want him to marry me. But yeah, that's wishful thinking. I understand that not everyone will be as educated and smart as him, and I'm not really expecting it. I mean, I really liked the guy I briefly dated last spring/summer, even though he was not as wordly and multilingual LOL. And I was definitely a "good fit" with him; we never even once had an argument, so why didn't it work out? It must not really be about being a "good fit." It must be about something more, I guess, but I haven't figured out what. I'm sorry to hear your job has been a pain--I hope it gets more manageable soon.
[QUOTE=Hiya]I agree, only I would add "I don't want him to ever be happy...with anyone but me because I still love him and want him to love me back and can't accept that that will never happen because it's just too painful and the thought of him loving someone else and not me when I still love him so much makes me cry my eyes out." I mean, the whole "we loved, enriched each other's lives, now go, prosper and be happy" is all nice and well,[/QUOTE]

Haha--so true!
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Haha--so true![/QUOTE]

I'm always amazed at the differences in how men and women think and process and deal with emotions, especially about love! I mean, as PO'd at my ex as I probably always will be until I can manage to create something so wonderful in my own life that I won't care anymore, after the hard childhood and adolescence he had, I think it's a good thing he's happy. I wouldn't get any joy or kick out of knowing he's unhappy or hurt at all. It just hacks me off it's not with me, and it's a knife in my heart that another woman now has what represents the best thing that ever happened to me, and that my love wasn't good enough to make him happy. And I'm supposed to be glad that she has the beautiful kids, the nice home, the wonderful, loving, faithful husband and the wonderful, full life with the only man I ever kissed or who ever really touched me or who I will ever love, and I get lean cuisine, Sex and the City reruns and the four walls?? Mmmmm, asking a bit much, I think!! And hey, if that makes me selfish, I can live with that! :D
[QUOTE=CrimsonClover]Oh, Sophia, I'm so sorry! :( *hugs*

Must be something in the water, 'cause my Grandma upset me too last night. She called me an "old maid". Never mind that I'd also been crying my eyes out from loneliness. She's basically saying that if I'm alone, it's all my fault, 'cause I'm not nice enough or whatever (meaning: a doormat). And she's like, "If you're single, it's 'cause you like it that way". Yeah, right. :rolleyes:

Last Xmas, she told me that I should get raped so I could get pregnant that way. (No, I am NOT kidding, unfortunately.) And, on my last birthday, my aunt started making menopause jokes. Argh!!! :mad:[/QUOTE]

OMG, Crimson, I can't believe your grandma would say such a horrible, horrible thing! :eek: And your aunt's jokes were insensitive, at best. Sometimes family can really hurt us the most with their awful comments--I don't buy it that they're "well-meaning." A few years ago my aunt and mother were trying to set me up with this guy, a friend of the family, who was obese, balding, and had nothing in common with me. Needless to say, I had no interest in him. Later he found a girl who was not a U.S. citizen and married her. Well, to this day, my aunt and grandmother rub it in my face that I 'rejected' this guy, and tell me how happy he is with his wife and what a great husband, blah, blah, blah, as if to imply it's my own damn fault that I'm single. :rolleyes:

On top of everything, I just had a conversation with my friend, and she told me about this woman she knows who's in her late 30s and just had a baby, but she froze her eggs years ago. I'm gonna be 34 so soon, and I guess I'm starting to get really scared that my eggs will be no good in the near future. And I can't afford freezing them. OMG, I feel like I'm living in some alternate universe, having to think about such weird things as the expiration date on my poor eggs, but it's reality. :rolleyes: How did it ever come to this?
[QUOTE=Hiya]I'm always amazed at the differences in how men and women think and process and deal with emotions, especially about love! I mean, as PO'd at my ex as I probably always will be until I can manage to create something so wonderful in my own life that I won't care anymore, after the hard childhood and adolescence he had, I think it's a good thing he's happy. I wouldn't get any joy or kick out of knowing he's unhappy or hurt at all. It just hacks me off it's not with me, and it's a knife in my heart that another woman now has what represents the best thing that ever happened to me, and that my love wasn't good enough to make him happy. And I'm supposed to be glad that she has the beautiful kids, the nice home, the wonderful, loving, faithful husband and the wonderful, full life with the only man I ever kissed or who ever really touched me or who I will ever love, and I get lean cuisine, Sex and the City reruns and the four walls?? Mmmmm, asking a bit much, I think!! And hey, if that makes me selfish, I can live with that! :D[/QUOTE]

It's ok to be "selfish" in this case. I think it would be a bit much to expect you to just give him your blessing and be wonderfully delighted for him. You're only human, not some saint walking this earth, and I can completely understand your feelings. I am not really "happy" for my ex-fiance's marriage, either. Why should I be? He wasted my 20s, the years where I could have been looking for a husband; promised me the world, and delivered nothing but disappointment and pain. Why should I be happy for him? I'm not. I feel betrayed and wronged by him, and I will probably always feel this way.
i guess i see where you guys are coming from and i have to be honest in that i myself probably wouldn't wish any happiness on any ex if it ended horribly.

as far as the relationship stuff goes, i don't think i know where i stand anymore. i know our lives are better once we're with someone and the love is mutual but i'm just so frustrated with the process to even meet someone AND once you do meet, there are no guarantees; the odds that it doesn't work out are still higher than it will. i keep hearing these tales of misery, unhappiness, unfaithfulness, not getting over someone, etc.. (i know i over analyze too much but that's my nature, :D ). i wonder if its actually worth it in the end.
[QUOTE=Lance0204]i guess i see where you guys are coming from and i have to be honest in that i myself probably wouldn't wish any happiness on any ex if it ended horribly.

as far as the relationship stuff goes, i don't think i know where i stand anymore. i know our lives are better once we're with someone and the love is mutual but i'm just so frustrated with the process to even meet someone AND once you do meet, there are no guarantees; the odds that it doesn't work out are still higher than it will. i keep hearing these tales of misery, unhappiness, unfaithfulness, not getting over someone, etc.. (i know i over analyze too much but that's my nature, :D ). i wonder if its actually worth it in the end.[/QUOTE]

I know, it IS scary and a big risk, but the alternative doesn't sound too exciting. I mean, how many more years can I spend watching Blockbuster movies on weekends? That thought in itself sends shivers down my spine. Is that what I'm working so hard for; just to look forward to watching stories about love rather than living it myself?
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I mean, how many more years can I spend watching Blockbuster movies on weekends?[/QUOTE]
well, umm, toots, i hear netflix is better.. :D you get a wider selection, :D seriously, the key is just making changes in your life, i.e. for me, i need to start doing some kind of activity where my likelihood of meeting like minded SINGLE women is increased. if i rely meeting someone at the post office, etc, it won't work. that stuff only works in the movies. it would be hard for me 'cause my schedule is so ridiculous where 16 hr days at work is always a possibility.. :rolleyes: its one of those things where you know what you need but don't know how to get there, very annoying!! :rolleyes:
Being single and content with that is pretty tough, I managed it for 6 years after a serious relationship, but I used to get the feeling often that there was something missing in my life.

I think having good friends, and going out spending time with them often helps, and that can often lead to finding someone. I have a very small circle of friends now unfortunately, and most are married with kids, or at least in serious relationships. So I have to fill my time with other distractions. But one of those friends is always trying to push me into finding someone.

But as I say, being content in the single life isn't easy..I've kinda run out of movies to watch now, and I'm fast running out of other things to keep me occupied. While that 'something missing' in my life just seems to be getting more difficult to ignore..especially right at this moment, but that's another post.

I ask myself often wether it's actually worth it too, very often. I've felt content before, and I know I could again if I just wait and let the years roll by..I just don't know if I want to do that again, I really miss having someone in my life right now..and I want to hold onto that feeling, to use it as motivation.
Yes, I think, in a paradoxical way, it might be good to be aware of that feeling (of something missing) and use it as a motivation. I mean, otherwise, nobody would ever do anything about it, right? It's funny but my last really serious relationship also ended 6-7 years ago, and since then I had a couple of other relationships but I can't call them really serious, since they didn't last that long. So, I know what you're saying--it's a looong time to be single and LOTS of movies for sure ;) Maybe it's the beautiful Spring weather or something, but I can't help but think how great it would be to be in love right now (the happy kind of love, of course).
[QUOTE=SophiaM] Maybe it's the beautiful Spring weather or something, but I can't help but think how great it would be to be in love right now (the happy kind of love, of course).[/QUOTE]
good time for a spring fling, toots!! :bouncing: keep your eyes open like this -> :eek:
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Yes, I think, in a paradoxical way, it might be good to be aware of that feeling (of something missing) and use it as a motivation. I mean, otherwise, nobody would ever do anything about it, right? It's funny but my last really serious relationship also ended 6-7 years ago, and since then I had a couple of other relationships but I can't call them really serious, since they didn't last that long. So, I know what you're saying--it's a looong time to be single and LOTS of movies for sure ;) Maybe it's the beautiful Spring weather or something, but I can't help but think how great it would be to be in love right now (the happy kind of love, of course).[/QUOTE]

I had a couple of relationships after the serious one too, one of them actually lasted about 3 months, and she was a wonderful person..but I ended up pushing her away. I did the same with another, that's when I decided to stop and try to find myself again. I'm friend with both of them still, one is married and another is in a happy relationship, and here I am single still and full of regrets *sigh*.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]A few years ago my aunt and mother were trying to set me up with this guy, a friend of the family, who was obese, balding, and had nothing in common with me. Needless to say, I had no interest in him. Later he found a girl who was not a U.S. citizen and married her. Well, to this day, my aunt and grandmother rub it in my face that I 'rejected' this guy, and tell me how happy he is with his wife and what a great husband, blah, blah, blah, as if to imply it's my own damn fault that I'm single. :rolleyes:

[/QUOTE]

Ugh, man that's the worst. My mutual friend is just like this. He thinks I have no idea what I'm doing so he keeps pushing Phil (remember Phil?) on me, asking me why I don't want to go out with him he's such a nice guy, you're so untrusting, you need to just get over ex and what he did and go out with Phil, like they know better than you what you're attracted to and what kind of personality fits with yours and what you find attractive and fun and interesting.

I think it's just a bit too soon to be thinking of freezing your eggs, Sophia! Have faith. I feel like such a hypocrit saying that, I hope you don't see me as one because I've totally given up hope (I'm sitting here at work eavesdropping on two guys talking about how many times they've been married, twice, yeah, I'm on my third marriage, but the second lasted 22 years, etc. and I can't even get someone to take me out on a second date, even after reading everything from MSN to Dr. Phil on what to do on a first date and I do everything they say you should and nothing you say you shouldn't :rolleyes: ), but you can't compare your situation to mine. Keep on keepin' on. You'll get to where you're going.
[QUOTE=Hiya]Ugh, man that's the worst. My mutual friend is just like this. He thinks I have no idea what I'm doing so he keeps pushing Phil (remember Phil?) on me, asking me why I don't want to go out with him he's such a nice guy, you're so untrusting, you need to just get over ex and what he did and go out with Phil, like they know better than you what you're attracted to and what kind of personality fits with yours and what you find attractive and fun and interesting. [/QUOTE]
dr. phil!??? :eek: :eek: i wouldn't do that if i were you.. :D

anyway, i agree. its funny how otherwise very intelligent people just can't grasp the idea that people just can't control who/what they like/dislike or believe in. these are things that just happen on their own. same thing with religion as well. you can't "make" yourself follow a certain path.

btw, what does one do if there are no people around that are appealing to you?? :(
[QUOTE=Lance0204]dr. phil!??? :eek: :eek: i wouldn't do that if i were you.. :D

anyway, i agree. its funny how otherwise very intelligent people just can't grasp the idea that people just can't control who/what they like/dislike or believe in. these are things that just happen on their own. same thing with religion as well. you can't "make" yourself follow a certain path.

btw, what does one do if there are no people around that are appealing to you?? :([/QUOTE]

Are you asking for yourself? I guess the thing to do, if you're lucky enough to live in an area that is fairly developed, is broaden your acreage. If there's a hopping town about 25 miles from you, be willing to drive that far. Check out places that still are interesting to you, but where you've never really been before.
[QUOTE=glamourgal]
Is anyone else going through anything similar?[/QUOTE]

i am going thru something similar in that i have not had a long-term relationship since my ex and i broke up over a year ago. when we broke up i felt all the feelings you are describing, that i would never find anyone, that being single s*cks, that people will think there is something wrong with me. but over time i just decided that i don't have to be a walking, talking, living cliche if i don't want to be. what i mean by that is i refuse to play a role that i don't feel okay with. i won't be some whiny sitcom character-like person saying lines like 'all the good men are taken or gay', or being bitter and saying how 'ALL men are this way' or 'ALL men are that way'.

i can understand being lonely sometimes. i can understand wondering why things are the way they are. but you have control over how you think and feel long-term, and there are things you can do to make things better for yourself. i hope you are feeling better today and that you continue to come here for support.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Glamourgirl, are you around? Hope you're feeling a bit better. Now, it's my turn to get the blues. I've been crying all morning because in a conversation with my grandmother I mentioned something about my ex-boyfriend, and she said that he probably found someone in Switzerland and got married. I don't know why she would say such a thing but it got me so depressed. :( I don't want him to marry someone else--I've already lived through this with my ex-fiance, and I don't think I could survive something like that again. I went for a walk today and felt so invisible. I don't even see any single guys my age anywhere in my area, and I don't even relate to anyone (seems like most men in my area fit into the "dumb with big muscles" stereotype). My ex was so intelligent and worldly. He spoke four languages fluently and loved to travel, just like I do! How can I go back to a "normal" meat-and-potatoe kind of guy after him??? :confused: A friend of mine who is Jewish and has been single for a long time finally found someone on a dating site for Jewish people, and I just can't find anyone (maybe I should convert? lol At least two other girls I know found their boyfriends on that site.). I feel so useless and like I have no purpose in life. Sorry for the venting on your thread, but I didn't really want to start another one just for this reason. Hope things are going better for you--let me know how you've been.
Love,
Sophia[/QUOTE]
Hey Sophia,
I hope you are feeling better. I wish I would have been here for you when you were so upset and had the blues. I've been sick again---I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. I don't know if I have a flu relapse or what, but I am definitely sick of being sick!

Thanks so much everyone for your support and kindness!! You are all such sweet people! I wish there was something I could do for all of you, you have been so kind to me. I'll be wishing good things for everyone, and I will write more later when I hopefully am well and feeling better.
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Hey Sophia,
I hope you are feeling better. I wish I would have been here for you when you were so upset and had the blues. I've been sick again---I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. I don't know if I have a flu relapse or what, but I am definitely sick of being sick!

Thanks so much everyone for your support and kindness!! You are all such sweet people! I wish there was something I could do for all of you, you have been so kind to me. I'll be wishing good things for everyone, and I will write more later when I hopefully am well and feeling better.[/QUOTE]

Oh, sorry to hear you're sick, Glamour. Please take care of yourself, ok? It might not sound too appetizing, but fresh, raw garlic is one of the best things for getting rid of a cold or flu faster. Just chop up one or two cloves really finely and swallow with water or juice--you don't even have to chew it. And drink lots of water with lemon and honey, and take vitamin C. Hope you feel much better soon--we missed you here, girl!





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