It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I might be being silly about this, but it all started when i met my g/f in the club by myself and she was with her mates so i joined in dancing with them, after a while she told me to go away and that im a ***** dancer! that made me feel bad, any way she then started dancing with other men while i was watching her looking like an idiot by my self! but what hurts me she is dancing really close to them by touching her legs and waist.
Im just worried that when she goes out without me she does more than dancing with them i mean kissing i dont think she will get in bed with them. I have spoke to her about it but she thinks its OK!!

Been with her for over 2 years now every thing is going great but this is really bugging me.

Am i being stupid about this any help will be great!
Thanks
No you're not being stupid. She is being disrespectful by acting this way, and yes, who knows if it goes further when you aren't there? I don't know about you but having seen her behave like that, I could never rest knowing she was at a club and what she might be doing!

You need to tell her that you don't think her behaviour is appropriate. So what if she thinks it's ok - of course she will, she probably loves the attention! If she respects you and cares about you then it would matter to her how you felt about it. Doesn't sound like it does. Either make her see that it isn't right to behave like this, or tell her where to go!

Personally, even if she said she wouldn't do it anymore, I'd be a little paranoid that she could just say that to get you off her back, and she might carry on behaving like this when you aren't around.
I totally agree! She is acting as if she don't even have a boyfriend. That's disrespectful to you BIG TIME! If I were you, I'd give it right back to her! Go find you a group of girls to dance with. Not trying to sound mean, but if she sees how bad it feels to have other people thrown up in your face all the time, maybe she'll see how it's making you feel! That's why clubs are not a good place for couples who are serious about each other to be. There is too much going on and you feel like if you say something about it, you're the one who's insecure or whatever. Well, I'd be insecure if my man was dancing around with other women all the time. You need to talk to her and let her know that it's bothering you and therefore it is NOT ok! Suggest other places that you can go besides a club. But if that is the way she acts around other guys, I don't see how you could trust her at all. After all, if she'll do that right in front of you, who knows what she'll do if you're not around! I think you need to talk to her now about it and if she still won't listen, I don't know if I would want to continue a relationship with someone like that or not.
Sorry, I have to disagree here, although I'm sure I'm in the minority. If she is otu dancing with friends, what is the big deal? Even if she flirts with men while dancing, is that really such a big deal? Flirting is a normal, natural part of life...and I think it's perfectly healthy, either you trust her or you don't. If someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat, whether it be at a club or online or at work. If this is how your girlfriends is, as in likes to go out with freinds dancing, than you either need to trust her or not. Maybe you need a girl who is more of a homebody type. But to put it in perpective, I am married and have a child, and I like to go out dancing with my friends, and yes sometimes we meet guys and flirt with them, doesn't mean anything, I still go home to my husband. My girlfriends and I even like to go out of town once in a while just the girls and shop and go out dancing and stuff, my husband trusts me completely. And my husband is the same, I have walked in at the bar and seen him talking to girls, being a little bit flirty, no big deal, I'm secure with our relationship, and I know if he does cheat, well that is his loss anyways. He even has some women friends that he likes to dance with, doesn't bother me. But flirting is flirting, and we fell it is a normal part of life. Touching on a dance floor ddoesn't really mean much, it's just dancing/ Honestly, I think you have a few options here. Break up with her over this and find a girl who is more a homebody and doesn't go out dancing. Or learn to trust her and let her have her nights out without you ( I mean why were you there anyways, were you checking up on her). Or talk to her and come to a compromise of some sort, like maybe she goes out less but when she does go out she doesn't get a hard time from you. I don't know, just throwing ideas out there.
well, i've "grinded" with women with bf's and even married women..and their husbands were right there a few feet away from us :eek: and he was grinding on someone else too. i personally don't think its a cool thing. the minute i found out she was married, i left. i don't agree with dancing, flirting or ANYTHING with any other guy if you have a bf already. i mean, why would you?? :confused: is one not enough?? if you're in a relationship and still feel the need to go out and flirt with other men then you shouldn't be in a relationship...you're not ready.
when out with my ex all i wanted to do was to dance with him and no one else...he was the only one for me...wouldnt think about dancing with someone else, i had what i wanted...
[QUOTE=charlatans]when out with my ex all i wanted to do was to dance with him and no one else...he was the only one for me...wouldnt think about dancing with someone else, i had what i wanted...[/QUOTE]
unfortunately, some people don't feel the same way.. :rolleyes: and its so not fair to the other guys at the club either. they're wasthing their time on women that aren't even single and they don't even know it. i always hated when this happened to me.
holy I really don't get why everyone is so uptight. If my husband was out with me, of course I would dance with him. But I also don't expect him to be glued to my side at all times like he is my property. Gheesh. But if I"m on a girls night, what exactly am I supposed to do, just sit there with a big sign on my back that says "taken"...come on, flirting is natural and normal...what we are taken so not supposed to go out anymore without our partners, and are never supposed to notice others that are attractive? It doesn't mean anything, people will still find others attractive, there is nothing wrong wtih chatting with others and even dancing, as long as nothing else happens and you still go home to your husband. It doesn't mean I love my husband less or he loves me less. I guess I'm in the minority here but we really don't feel jealousy towards each other, we know who we love, who we are with, who we had kids with, and we also know that it's normal to find others attractive, and we don't feel the need to spent all our time together.
OH I also got the impression that he just showed up when she was on a girls night with her friends...how would guys feel if their girlfriend just showed up when they were on a boys night out, I bet they wouldn't be too thrilled at all...double standard or what...men go out all the time with their friends when it's just the guys
[QUOTE=dave415415]I might be being silly about this, but it all started when i met my g/f in the club by myself and she was with her mates so i joined in dancing with them, after a while she told me to go away and that im a ***** dancer! that made me feel bad, any way she then started dancing with other men while i was watching her looking like an idiot by my self! but what hurts me she is dancing really close to them by touching her legs and waist.
Im just worried that when she goes out without me she does more than dancing with them i mean kissing i dont think she will get in bed with them. I have spoke to her about it but she thinks its OK!!

Been with her for over 2 years now every thing is going great but this is really bugging me.

Am i being stupid about this any help will be great!
Thanks[/QUOTE]

Oh no Dave, it's not the dancing bit that bothers you, it's the disrespect that she shows you. When I read the title of your post, I thought you must be insecure. Now I see that SHE is MAKING you insecure, she is excluding you, and wants you to be her audience. She asked you not to dance with them????? That's rude.
My bf has never been a *great* dancer but he enjoys it and we have fun. Dancing is not always a show and a way to womens' knickers.
It's a great way to to feel in control of your body, to feel happy. Please don't let her put you off, and if she asks you to leave her alone next time, don't stand there watching her, go and dance with other beautiful women. I think beautiful women and good dancers don't mind at all a bit of fun :)
Dancing can be just that...dancing...and if you are out with a group of mixed friends dancing with the other sex there is that understanding and trust between you then it's just dancing...but unfortunatly if a girl goes to a club with a guy and publicly pushes him away and starts grinding on other guys this sends all the wrong messages to everyone...I think you have a right to be upset...and she should understand that she is attracting trouble...not every guy who is out there drinking and sees her blow off her boyfriend and start grinding on them will think it is innocent...
[QUOTE=jenna_250]OH I also got the impression that he just showed up when she was on a girls night with her friends...how would guys feel if their girlfriend just showed up when they were on a boys night out, I bet they wouldn't be too thrilled at all...double standard or what...men go out all the time with their friends when it's just the guys[/QUOTE]

She said she wanted to meet me!!!!
While I was long distance from my SO, I would go to ballroom and latin dances.. and it was with a sibling and some friends.. My, half the people there were married couples over the age of 50. So I would dance with everyone, but of course not seductively. I would have fun... but I would always sit the last dance out, because that was reserved only for my honey! He knew I was going to the dances and he did not mind, because I would give him a call while I was there and even after I left. I would have much rather had him there with me.. but this was something I did, both for fun and professionally.

I think the way she did it was wrong and very disrespectful. You should talk to her. Because that is extremely wrong. I would not dance so close to another man, and make my man sit back.. I would not flirt with other men.. it is wrong in my opinion.
I think that this is just another debate thing and all of us posters have our own opinions about things. But as one poster said that she and her man go out and they are ok with mingling with others because they know who they really love. That's fine...but make no mistake! Supposedly innocent flirting can easily become something else whether you love the other person or not! Hormones are always there and sometimes love just isn't enough to keep things from happening. A lot of people with this kind of openess find themselves cheated on and then they can't believe it happened because they are "so in love" and "how could he (or she) have done this..I trusted them!" We are all human and trust only goes so far! I say that if this situation is making you unhappy, you need to talk to your girlfriend now! And don't feel like an insecure jerk for approaching her about it! You have every right to be respected!
I think your girlfriend was being rude and disrespectful of you. Were the situation reversed, she would have kicked up a s&^% storm. What she does when you are not around is a seperate issue. The issue here, dude, is she is treating you like crap when you are around. Don't take that from her. You don't deserve it, and she will lose all respect for you if you don't stand up for yourself and demand respect. We hear a lot about men having to show women respect, but respect is a two way street, and she was rude and disrespectful to you, and you need to tell her than, AND tell her you don't appreciate it.
I dont have much really to say but its not a good sign so if i were u ill leave her ASAP shes a flirt,cheater,disrespectful, etc etc dont waste ur time on her.
[QUOTE]Supposedly innocent flirting can easily become something else whether you love the other person or not! Hormones are always there and sometimes love just isn't enough to keep things from happening. [/QUOTE]

Oh yes, do I agree. I know there are heaps of attractive people running around out there, and it is fun to flirt and tease and bewitch, but if you have a SO then you owe them your respect. If you want to act single and ready to mingle, you should first make sure you ARE single.

If I was at a club with a boyfriend, and I went up to dance with him and he pushed me away and proceeded to get jiggy with other girls...ha, me walking off the dance floor would be the [I]last[/I] he'd ever see of me. I don't think that is extreme. How rude can you get? That is why I just don't get why people in committed relationships go to clubs or bars, especially alone. I hope you have set your girlfriend straight on how she should treat a boyfriend.
I agree that people in committed relationships should not go to clubs alone and it's not really a great idea to go to them together either! The problem with clubs is that generally, people go out to places like that to mingle and pick up people. In other people's eyes, if you are out there, you are fair game whether you are with someone or not! And trust me...other women don't give a crap if you're with your man and standing right by his side!! They will blatantly come up and flirt and carry on with your guy right in front of you! And men are the same way! I know this first hand because my BF and I went out to one a while back and his ex girlfriend did nothing but come up and whisper in his ear all night long! It was like she was trying to p*** me off! And she did! I told him I was never going out there again and be made a fool of like that! And if there is a lot of drinking going on (and usually there is), that just adds fuel to the fire! It's just better to find something else to do together as a couple than subject yourself to that!
Right on Kel, I like how you think. I think if you are in a happy, committed relationship, then you should be able to find something better to do as a couple then go to a bar. Drinking alcohol actually prevents you from really bonding with whoever you are with, despite seeming like it brings people together. I'd think people would want to do things where they can actually bond with their SO in a REAL way. With bars and clubs you just have a bunch of people tarted up, competing to look/act the loosest. Plenty of fun and games if you are single, but what is the point otherwise?

I found going out to clubs with my boyfriend the most boring thing in the world. My eyes would always start wandering around the room and I'd think "Hmmmm....if I were single which guy here would I try to flirt with?" Really pointless. And it's true you look like fair game, no matter who you're with. I remember back when I was 21 and new to the club scene. I'd just be hanging around, in the strange position of being there with my boyfriend but at the same time NOT there with my boyfriend. I'd get these girls coming up to me saying, "Can my boyfriend buy you a drink?" I'd be all "Excuse me, what the hell?" How pathetic are you that you let your boyfriend buy other women drinks?! Then I'd try to hide in a corner. I'd tell my boyfriend later, all flummoxed, and he laughed and said that was a couple's way of feeling a girl out to see if I wanted to join them in a threesome. I was like "Oh...." I guess I didn't watch enough porn.

The funniest part is that the last time it happened, I came [I]very [/I] close to accepting a drink - because I honestly thought these people were just THAT friendly and good-natured. What a hilarious situation that would have been.
LOL!! :D That is funny! It's amazing what kind of folks you meet in the clubs! And apparently, this threesome thing has become another popular activity with couples. NOWAY would I share my man with another woman! I just think people need to get back down to reality and be a couple again like it used to be. What ever happened to a good 'ol "dinner and a movie"?? I don't think that kind of thing is boring at all. I guess I'm just a little old fashioned though!
Ok, I'm still going to disagree. Yes, hormones and things can lead to cheating when you are out at a bar, but that is true in life too. Do you know that it's a proven fact that most cheating happens at the office or online, and I think everyone here has a computer. Now, if she told you to meet her, and acted that way, she shoudln't have since it sounds like you were invited. But, why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Maybe she was just a bit tipsy and having too much fun with her friends by the time you got there and didn't mean to be rude. Or maybe she only invited you because she felt she had to, but deep down she wanted a girls night out but thought you would be mad. She definitely could have handled things better, but you know what, if that was my husband he would have just laughed and done some mingling on his own, and we would have gone home together and talked about it later and laughed about the fact I was being such a flirt. There is no way he would just sit there watching me have a good time and not go have fun himself. Now, if she went to clubs with her friends and danced before you met her, I don't think it's fair to expect her to stop going. Sure, it might be fair to ask her to stop going as much, but completely, not if it's something she enjoys. I am still going to disagree that people in relationships shouldn't go out to clubs dancing once in a while with friends. Can it lead to cheating, sure, I guess, but so can lots of things in life. I don't think when you enter into a relationship you should expect the other person to stop doing things. I think it's all about moderation, if your giflriend went out every weekend before, maybe now she could go uot every second or third weekend instead. When I met my husband and we started to become serious, I told him flat out, I like my nights out with friends, I like my girls trips out of town and if he had a problem with that he should tell me now because I wasn't going to change. My husband and I do spend quality time together, and I don't go out every weekend or anything like that, but we both enjoy our time with our own friends and that can include going out dancing once in a while. The funny part is, I see so many posts on here with people cheating and people putting up with it, but I know that my husband and I would never put up with it, if one of us cheats, it's over and done. Flirting and cheating are two completely different things. We both know that. Maybe it's time to have a discussion like this with your girlfriend, if you aren't comfortable with the way she lives her life and the things she likes to do, maybe it's time to go find someone else who is more like you. If you try to tell her to stop and never go out, she will just end up resenting you in the long run. You really can't change people, they are who they are.
Here again, it's all a matter of preference. I don't prefer the bar scene...plain and simple! But, that don't mean that everyone has to think like me. And you are 100% right about the fact that cheating can happen anywhere at any time! I guess I just feel like why put yourself in temptation and make it harder to be faithful? It's hard enough in everyday life, but to hang out at places where it's going on right in your face? I just disagree with that! But if you and your man have that agreement and it works for you, I don't fault you for it. You are an adult and so is he and you have a right to do as you want to!
I think it comes down to the whole " changing someone " thing. If you never liked the bar stuff, then obviously you would never start going once you have a boyfriend. But I have always enjoy hanging wtih my friends, dancing, having some drinks, listening to bands, so I still enjoy it now that I'm married, just now as often. I think it is all about honesty too, I tell my husband everything, and vice versa. Now I won't come home and say things to try to make him jealous or anything like that, but if he asks if men talked to us and what happened, I will tell him sure we met a few guys, had a few dances, and it's no big deal. My husband really enjoyed working on cars and motorbikes when we met, and he still does. Before he was with me and had a child, he worked on them all weekend every weekend, now he doesn't, but he does get every second Sunday to work on his cars. He also liked going on guys camping trips, he still gets to do that as well. We have a routine going where we know when the other one is having a night out with friends, and it's expected the other one will stay home with our child. I guess we just feel that sure some things change, but not everything has to change, and there has to be trust. And from reading alot of posts on here, I think we have it pretty good I read so many posts from women whose husbands don't respect them or don't help out enough with the kids, he is a full on active parent, does as much work around the house as I do, cleans, cooks, parents our child as much as I do and I can honestly say we both do our share ...so really, we must be doing something right...





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:41 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!