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Relationship Health Message Board


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Yeah, I don't think it's an issue of insecurity either. I wouldn't be ok with some woman who had had sex with my man still hanging around him, especially when I wasn't there. To add insult to injury, in your original post, you said "another ex" which implied to me another woman you used to have sex with went to your girlfriend and told her you were cheating when you weren't, so now you are not even friends with this girl you used to sleep with, but then you refered to that person as just an "ex friend" so I'm not clear as to whether this person is an ex girlfriend, someone you used to sleep with, or just an ex friend who caused all that trouble, but if it was a woman you used to sleep with, it seems like there would be only one reason for her to do that, and that would be to break you guys up. I don't blame your girlfriend one little bit for being leery of this other ex lover of yours hanging around. She seems to sense that this other woman wants to cause trouble as well. I for one am a big believer in womens' intuition, and if she things this other ex lover will make trouble like the other one did, then she's probably right, and she's seeing something in A's behavior toward you that you're just not picking up on.

Whether you agree or not, whether you think she's being silly or insecure or not, it's obviously something she feels very strongly about, and this is one of those moments in your relationship where you have to choose her if you want to stay with her. Most long term relationships, you will find yourself choosing every day in some way to continue to be with and love this person. It's a choice you keep making, and you're going to have to make it again now.
You should never give anything up because of your significant other. You can give up your friend now, once ... but you can't keep losing your friends. Being in a relationship, 2 people have to support each other, as well as compromising the best you can.
thanks for all of your replies - seems as this topic kinda brought up a "good" debate with great points to ponder.

for me, i can see both sides of this as i've had friendships come out of some of my past relationships as some we ended up better friends than lovers. and that was it, just friends. and i've had relationships where my partners have been friends with some of their exes. i never had a problem with that and was never given a reason to by any partners at the time. as ironic as this may sound, i had more "problems" if you will with a partner or two being jealous/insecure with regular friends - regular friends meaning those that i had not had any intimate relationship with.

as for my trist person, yes - we were friends before having a couple of one night stands like type of deal. kinda one of those things you here "friends with benefits" these days - no strings attached, no commitment, no uhaul moving in. we both know we could never date each other or be in a relationship with each other - so it was kinda a "safe place" for each of us at the time. that was over two months ago and "it" hasn't happened since. for that matter, we hardly see each other but do talk on the phone just about every day.

as for seeing the other side and understanding what my ex may be feeling - i did tell her she was very special to me and more important to me than friend.

however, now she wants to try to just be friends and build (or rebuild) a sound friendship first as we have been thru a lot in our 7 months of knowing each other (previous posts off and on - me doing the dance with a CP person - commitment phobic person).

given her commitment phobia - i wasn't sure if this whole friendship thing was just another way of distancing herself cuz we got close again or if it could be a for real issue/concern.

regardless, thank you all for your responses. J~





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