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Relationship Health Message Board

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Thanks...I have tried talking to him. But I don't think it is something that he can change...nor would I expect him to be able to, really. I know it sounds bad, but I find it difficult to summon up much passion for someone I have been with for so long. Having sex every single day feels like it has been turned into a chore, on my part at least. While I don't have much of sex drive when it comes to him, I certainly do when it comes to thinking about other guys...which makes me feel so guilty.

The problem is that in the beginning of the relationship I was not my true self at all, and I had this act going on. Mainly because I was still drinking and going through my "girl gone wild" phase. My boyfriend is one of those guys who likes the "lady on the street ***** in the bedroom" deal. The real trouble came when, as I talked about on the boards before, I agreed to have a threesome with him and his best friend, only because I liked his friend. I have learned quite a lot from that and have turned myself around. But he still cannot believe that I am really NOT the crazy party-girl I made myself out to be back when I was still confused.

I have told him many times that he would probably be happier with someone who truly IS a party girl, but he insists that he loves me and wants to stay with me even if I have turned "weird." Sometimes I almost wish that he would fall for somebody else or was the kind of guy who would cheat. That is so terrible. But I feel like since I have let him do SO much for me over the past two years, I have a duty to stay with him.

But then the other trouble is that as much as our situation works now (not living together) I cannot imagine wanting to actually live with him. Ever. He smokes weed, and I don't want to live in a house where people do any kind of drug. I also don't want to have a child with someone who does a drug. And my boyfriend, as much as he will do for me, the one thing he won't do is stop smoking, not that I expect him to, at all. I also despise a lot of his friends, and the thought of having these people over at *our* house annoys me.

So in retrospect it seems kind of pointless to keep a relationship going with someone you don't actually want to live with, or start a family with. Most of the time I just don't know what the hell I am doing. It is killing me! He is a GREAT guy. But he doesn't realize how much his drug use and other things bother me, as much as I try to tell him. When I do he says "I love you and I would do anything for you, so my smoking shouldn't be a problem for you." Sometimes I think he is right, other of times...I don't know. That is why the movie is so nice I guess - such a nice fantasy, and then only to be dropped with a thud back down to reality.

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