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Re: I'm back...
Apr 10, 2006
just wanted to talk to someone...
well i did get a reply and we ended up texting friendly...
today i asked him what time he would be around so that my friend could collect my things he said all day apart from the evning he would be out...
then i found out my friends car had broken down and he couldnt collect my things...i messaged my ex and told him that this and that unless another friend doesnt come to collect things that he should post it, i put a nice "please, can you post me my things unless if you really want to keep holding onto to them, let me know" he rpleied agreeing to this.
i dunno....i ended up crying...first time in ages...still crying...not hysterically...just quiet sobbing...missing him...but i know this is it...i know even if he called asking for me back, i couldnt do it...
i wanted him to reply saying "oh come on please lets meetup". it wouldve helped slihgtly with my feelings of rejection. before i went away when he kept insiting on the phone that we metup when i got back, now that made me feel good...i feel bad for saying that i didnt want to meetup on the phone...but i was annoyed...yesterday i was regretting it...but if he really did want to meetup, he would have suggested it again? and plus, it wouldnt have been fair on me because id be expecting something- thats why i told him i didnt want to meetup with him. i couldnt do it. couldnt bring myself to do it. he woujld have missed me by now. meeting up wouldnt change things. im right, arent i? a month ago, i would have jumped at the chance...
plus did he really want to meetup? i dont think so. what do you guys reckon?
oh dear im crying...its not so bad though...im just missing him...realising that after all thius time, i still miss him, its so sad, the only guy i truely fall in love with, and this all happens. its just so sad. havent felt this sad in quite some time. i guess this is just one of those trips. its a nice sort of sad in a weird way...i guess its just relief not feeling THAT bad anymore...it only gets that bad when i think about him and her but i try my very best not to think about him and her and how he is happier without me...he mustve lied so much to me dyuring our relationship- i tthought he was happy with me...he always told me that then suddenly pow its all over and he doesnt want to know...boy what a shock...anyway...im still breathing...
im kinda starting to look forward to meeting someone new and falling in love again...it could happen, i am open to that now...but there would be awful trust problems...i thought my bf was so into me yet slowly this girl crept in and after a few weeks of breakup i find out he is seeing her...haha i mean, this has messed me up beyond belief...i can only hope i can begin to trust men when i find someone new...
i kinda like someone now, a guy who i shared my room with whilst away on holiday, but he is only 18yrs and oh so young...but this is a shock haha this is the first guy ive fancied since my ex...but i still need to stay single for a bit longer...trying to get myself sorted and perfectly happy with life before i start to look for someone to share it with otherwise it wouldnt work
im rambling now....
just wanted to share this with someone
x x x

a little time after i posted the above, i went for a nap...woke up...its late here and its still sunny and warm and lovely- such a nice summers evening- and he is out at the pub we always use to go to :(
painful!!!
we spent all of last summer together :(
tmies like this make me think "i shouldve organised to meet him" because you never know! tell me to shut up?
you see, im at the stage where somtimes i think im so over him, and i so dont want him but something like this makes me want him again...i think oh no i am in love with him etc....
am i?
and i still cant stop thinking if that girl is the girl on his profile list.
typing this al here makes me realise how non of this is important...its annoying because i want to stop thinking about this all...

maybe meeting up with him was my final chance to see ofr myself how he is, the situation etc? would it have helped?
maybe not. right now im having my bouts of regrets....
need you guys to help me out
x x x





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