It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


After a quick unsuccessful try at online dating, I am back to square one.

I have a very difficult time screening guys. I am very introverted when I confront people (i.e. meeting new people etc BUT only the first few moments of conversation), and thus, I have developed a "shield" of some sort. Many have characterized this as "looking afraid." Meaning, I don't "let loose."

Now, don't get me wrong, I smile when they smile, I talk, waive, etc...I am not one to look down at my feet, if you know what I mean. I keep up a conversation, an intelligent one at that. I ask questions.....meaning I TALK :)

However, I just don't "know" when a guy is really serious when he's talking to me! Or when I guy wants to approach me?

Recently, at a club, I was approached by a guy as soon as I walked in. Wasn't attracted to him so I really didn't make much talk. At one point (this is roughly an HOUR into the club), he just says to me, "Why are you scared?" I have no idea what he meant! I just ignored him and he kept on. He would go get a drink and come back, and as a joke, I would say, "Do I know you?" when he returned! I really didn't want him near me!! At one point, later on, he gets behind me, starts pushing himself on me as a dance (and a joke, apparantly) and I turn & push him away! He then says "OKAY, Okay, I'll leave!" What was that?? Did I make him do that? Or did he take advantage of my shy, naive persona? I was not interested! That's why I was ignoring him!!!

I just don't get it! I'm quite pretty, and intelligent, character, personality I have - yet I have not been out much to experience stuff like this.

So please anyone, give me advice. How do I meet someone, and how must I act!! Well, you know what I mean - I mean in terms of not showing too much of my naive or nervous character. I want to know, how to respond correctly to guys and just play it "cool." I'm so naive, I know! Please don't think I'm stupid! I just don't know how to act or respond! Any advice?

I just wish I had more friends to go out with. The ones I have are either married/engaged, or have $$ issues which I COMPLETELY understand. I don't drive though, which is a huge obstcale, I know, but I'm working on getting over that fear as well.

And I just can't go out "alone!" That's dangerous! I'm really stressing out! Compared to other problems, this is nothing I know. But it's hard b/c everything is really up to me, and just dealing it with anxiety is crushing, let alone depressing. Any advise, please?
first of all, just remember you heard it here first: take it from a guy's perspective (actually i can only speak for myself), but, JUST BECAUSE A GUY TRIED TO DANCE OR INTERACT WITH YOU, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE'S INTERESTED IN YOU!!!!! i think women take this thing too seriously. and btw, you should consider yourself lucky because i that guy simply displayed typical behaviour for a club environment, in fact i'd say he was one of the more respectful ones. at least he didn't literally grab your butt or anything (as a gay guy once did me.. :eek: ). don't take any of it personally.

sometimes i'd see a shy girl, who clearly only came to the club because her friends brought her, and i'd try and talk to her and even dance with her just to get her out of her shell and try to have some fun. it wouldn't mean that i was interested in her, but i would just want her to have some fun and make the best of the situation. i've danced with over 1000 women and i was NOT interested in all of them, in fact, maybe only 10-20 or so. its only the club and you should be there to have fun. don't go with the mindset of meeting someone or else you'll be disappointed. you have to go with low expectations. i personally don't go to meet people. i've heard too many sob stories from women when we met at the club whenever i would try to call them a day or two afterwards. all i want to do is go, dance, talk, interact, then simply go home afterwards. a lot of guys are the same way. we're not all vultures. women are every bit the "players" as men are. hardly any women want to date guys they met at clubs. guys know this.

based on how you describe yourself, it doesn't seem like "da club" is your thing. you should try activities clubs, especially sports clubs. there are always tons of guys there. the last fencing club i was in had a guy to girl ration of 10 to 1. the women there certainly had their pick of nice guys, bad boys, funny guys, cocky guys, intelligent guys, young guys, old guys, rich guys, normal guys, nerdy guys, tall guys, short guys, black, white, hispanic, asian, etc.. now you don't necessarily have to choose fencing but you get the picture.
[QUOTE=Lance0204]first of all, just remember you heard it here first: take it from a guy's perspective (actually i can only speak for myself), but, JUST BECAUSE A GUY TRIED TO DANCE OR INTERACT WITH YOU, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE'S INTERESTED IN YOU!!!!! i think women take this thing too seriously. and btw, you should consider yourself lucky because i that guy simply displayed typical behaviour for a club environment, in fact i'd say he was one of the more respectful ones. at least he didn't literally grab your butt or anything (as a gay guy once did me.. :eek: ). don't take any of it personally.

[/QUOTE]

Actually, the guy said, flat out, that he was attracted to me, and leaned over kissed me on the cheeck too. I found that "coming on to strong."
Yes I've heard the stories about grabbing butts and all that, at least that is a one-second occurrance; one of which I do not miss. But this guy was around me for 2 hours and even said, "let's go for a walk, now." I don't mean to carry on; simply giving you the picture that he wouldn't stop.

I don't intend for every guy to take notice of me. I just want to know how to screen them out or figure them out.

No I'm not a club person but I go only if I have company. That way my focus is more on my friends.

However, I just realized that my problem is just not having enough faith in myself to take the first step. I know I have looks & intelligence; I just have to start believing that I can use them the right way.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:55 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!