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I get very insecure, and I think I have low self confidence. Not really about me- I'm happy with myself. I'm pretty good looking, have a great job, my own house... but I have a problem, always wondering what other people think of me. My boyfriends mom, for example- she's GREAT! In 6 years, never, ever said a bad thing to me. I'm always invited with them to go on vacations, I was invited to live with them for a couple years while I was in school, which I did (and still am). But I always wonder if secretly she doesnt like me- am I good enough for her son? Does she hate that I don't help out enough? That kind of thing. Does she wish I would break up with him and never have to see me again?:) Silly things like that. I know they aren't true, but a part of me doubts.

I also have these thoughts about my boyfriend- like maybe he's staying with me because it's easier than finding someone else. He can be critical sometimes- never verbally abusive, but he'll make a comment on the littlest thing and I take it to mean he hates me. I get over it eventually, but I can't even take the littlest comment- I get so upset. Not to him- I don't yell or cry, but I think about it and obsess over it all day.

I think it was my mother- she was very critical about everything, and drives me crazy. She was never happy with anything we did. I think she's a little bit psychotic. I can't go into detail about all the stuff she's done, but she has issues. The day my dad died, I couldnt stop crying- i dont think she liked the attention he was getting (they'd been divorced a few years, didnt get along- he lived a couple states away so I hadn't seen him in awhile). So the same day, she tells me she's HIV positive. She works in a hospital and contracted it from there. This was awhile ago, and I'm pretty sure now she's lying. She's done it before- for almost a year, right after she broke up with my dad, she pretty much didnt get out of bed. She'd say how sick she was. She'd walk around the house, yelling at us, about how we didn't help out- she's dying- she's so tired and we don't even care- spitting mad. The someone would come over to see her, and she's acting like she can barely walk or whisper. It was such as act. So yeah, I'm pretty sure she was faking the HIV thing. She's not even on meds, and doesnt bring it up anymore. I can't believe she would do that, right when I found out my dad had died. She also told me all this stuff about him when they split up. It was a nasty divorce, but geez- I was just a kid.

I guess thats kind of beside the issue, but its a bit of a background. The thing is, living with my bf's parents, a NORMAL family, should have given me more confidence, right? They're great people, and I feel comfortable here- but after 6 years, I still can't sit on the couch on a saturday afternoon, cause I think she'll hate me. frequently, my mother would yell at me to stop being lazy, if I spent a couple hours reading- then she'd glare at me and pout, kinf od ignore me all day if i said something wrong. - the BF's mom hasn't said a word. And she has kids, older than me, who do worse- they sleep in until all hours of the afternoon, and she doesnt mind :) So why am I so worried that she doesnt like me?? Why am I so insecure, and how can I get over it?

If you're still reading this, I'm amazed, but thank you! Also- I now have a pretty decent relationship with my mom. We talk at least twice a week. Usually she complains about my brothers, how she can't do anything about them. Or how she never has any money- but I can tune it out. I care, but its her life. i've tried helping so many times- gettign her better jobs, helping her find places.... there's not much else I can do. I have to live my own life.
Sahuja- First of all, it's VERY hard. Every time I call her, even if there's a 2 week wait in between, all I get is complaints. Its Hi, How are you, you wouldnt believe how your brother is treating me! Blah blah my life sucks...thats all she does now, complains and moans. And makes everything into a drama. Get this- the guys she's seeing right now, she doesn't like him. So she tells me he's a stalker. She has told me this before, when she was mad at him, along with a litany of all his faults- then decided she liked him again so made excuses. It's funny, everything changes according to how she's feeling. So in order to get rid of this guy this time, she's going to take him out of town for the weekend, leave him there (without transportation, in her car) and while she's gone, have my brother move her to a new place. Very mature, hmm? She's 45 years old. I just sighed when she told me. I'm used to all this stuff. I know that he'll come back to town, go to where she works, and end up at her new place with in a week. But hey, thats how she keeps life interesting. Then, I'll probably have to listen about how he tracked her down, or she didnt want to lose her job so she gave him her address- whatever. Typical situation with my mother :)

Oh, I DID read your post. My mom did the same things to me, ALL the time! She complained that she didnt have any money for Christmas, and we didnt deserve gifts anyways, so weren't going to have it this year. OK, so I went to my boyfriends family for the weekend. She was serious too, the year before- we didnt really do anything. We don't open our gifts until new years anyways, for other reasons- so it wasn't a big deal. no gifts, no dinner on christmas- and she said ok, go to your boyfriends. Christmas day, she calls me up at his place. and acts angry and hurt, that I didnt want to spend Christmas with my family. ***?! She kept me on the phone for 30 minutes, mostly not saying anything, but making a big scene. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't tell my bf. I just said she wanted to miss me a merry christmas. What am I supposed to say? So I know what you mean. I felt so bad- she pretty much ruined my Christmas. I felt like crying after that, and so guilty. Now, I just say yeah yeah (in my head- I would NEVER say it out loud- that just makes it worse). And forget about it a few minutes after she hangs up. I just don't take her seriously anymore. I try not to let her hurt me. It's MY life- I'm not living by hers. She isnt consistent enough! And she gets upset at the drop of a hat- over things she just shouldn't.

Thanks for the suggestion, on the personality disorder TigerLilly. I'm definitely going to google it. I really don't think she'd go see a psychiatrist though, and If I told her I thought she had a disorder? Yeah right. But maybe being armed with info would help :)

Sahuja- your brother and family is kind of right. You can agree with her. Apologise. Say yeah, I know mom, I should call more. Make her feel better, so she stops complaining- change the subject to something else she'd like to talk about- like how was work, or are you still having problems with the neighbour? Least that way she isnt picking on you. I found agreeing with my mom makes her happy. And I don't take it personally- I'm just saying it to keep the peace, not because she's right. hope that helps a little. If you'd like to email me or explain more, I'd like to help- I know how stressful it can get. How far away are you from your mom? DO you actually see her often, face to face, or is it just over the phone? I've found seeing her once or twice a week, for lunch or so, is a lot better than it was living with her :) She actually used to go through my mail, and stuff- like when I wrote my dad. If I didn't send it right away, the envelope would be OBVIOUSLY glued when I got home from work, as if it had been opened. Sigh.

You know what? Typing all this out is very therapeutic :) SOrry for any typo's, but it's really late, so I better get to bed!~



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