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IMHO, this is about respect. Yes, men look. But, NO, they should not do it in a way that is totally disrepectful and makes you feel uncomfortable. And, HELL NO do you have to accept this as "just the way men are."

His line about not being aware of it is BS in the extreme. That could only possibly be true the first time you pointed it out to him. Each and every time after that, he was aware of it (as you'd told him). He chooses to a) ignore your feelings, or b) remain ignorant. In either scenario, he has showed himself utterly unwilling to take you into consideration. As far as I'm concerned, he's sending you the message that this is what he does, regardless of what you have to say about it.

Turning around and making you feel like you're victimizing him is equally unacceptable. It's manipulative. He's ignoring your feelings and then expecting you to react to his. Does this sound equitable? It doesn't to me. Aren't you supposed to be a team working toward creating a situation where you are both happy and content? It's that a mutual responsibility? Seems like he's conveniently forgotten about his part in the equation.

Why should all the responsibility be placed on you? Why is it your responsibility to deal with it alone? Why doesn't he share the responsibility to deal with your feelings? The underlying assumption is that it's reasonable for him to ogle other women and then find himself beside them as if by magic. By contrast, it's unreasonable for you to be upset by this (or to upset him by pointing out that you're upset).

Listen to your common sense. Do you accept those assumptions? If you don't, then do not accept the conclusion that it's ok for him to do this.

He has a responsibility to understand the impact that his behaviour has on you. If he won't, then ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with. is this someone who can be a partner to you? Who will take responsibility for the impact that his behaviour has on you? Or will he simply ignore the impact and insist that his behaviour is fine (or beyond his control) regarless of how it makes you feel? If he does, then will you bear the burden of accepting this and internalizing your hurt? This set up strikes me as extremely selfish on his part.





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