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Relationship Health Message Board


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Let's recap Char:
1. You had an on-again-off-again 6 month relationship
2. He dumped you
3. He instantly started dating someone else
4. He was NOT open to talking to you after the break-up
5. He broke up with the other girl
6. You start speaking with him again
7. He is now seeing another (2nd) new girl
8. You make up a bf
9. He wants to get together -- he notes the fact that this is FRIENDS only b/c you have a bf and he's seeing someone (new gf?)
10. You wonder if he really wants "just friends" and then fantasize about only taking him back if he proposes ... then change your mind to if he chases you.

He very obviously doesn't want a relationship with you Char. You, on the other hand blatently want one with him. It is obvious. I am sure it is obvious to him too. Yet, he has made NO attempt to get back together with you. In fact, very very far from it. Not only is he NOT suggesting getting back together but he has very plainly made it clear that he won't be suggesting it - regardless of whether you meet at the lecture this week, next week, or at the party with or without his friends. He's said it's ok to hang out and be friends b/c you have a bf and he's seeing someone. He has said he doesn't want to talk about feelings.

Let's be honest here - you know as well as anyone who's read this thread and your past threads that he doesn't want to get back together with you.

All this thread is about is you wanting to know how to get him back despite him not wanting to get back with you. You don't care that everyone has told you getting together again is a bad idea for you (assuming he wanted to). You've ignored all that advice. And, more importantly, you're ignoring the FACT that he doesn't want to get back together with you.

So, we're right back where all this started - right back to you wanting him back come hell or highwater. It's EXACTLY the same as your very first post on this subject... except you seem to think it's different because of the circumstances. But, it's not. It's still about him not wanting to be your bf and you desperate for him to be your bf.

You go back and forth and circumstances change ... but what stays the same is that you just will not rest until he's your bf.

You can keep trying to force it but it will get you no where. I can't help but think that he's using you for the ego boost. He has made it so clear to you that he's seeing someone else and not interested. He says just enough to you (comparing butts, feet, saying he misses you) to keep you on board. But he has NEVER indicated that he wants to be your bf. When he said he misses you he did not say "I miss you as my gf" or that he wants you to be his gf. He tells you he's seeing someone and reminds you that you're seeing someone (so he thinks). He KNOWS you like him - I mean, come on, it's not rocket science! He wants to get together (where it will be obvious in person that you like him and would instantly take him back) ... but again, he sets it up so that there is ZERO possibility that it's leading to a relationship (again, he's seeing someone and reminds you that you are too). But, in your head, all you hear is that he wants to meet up with you and that's all you need to go off on some fantasy about how you'll only get back with him if he chases you (despite the fact that earlier in this thread you said you'd only get back with him if he proposed ... i.e. an even wilder fantasy). What makes you think for a second that he'll chase you? You've done all the chasing. It doesn't matter what you say cos he doesn't have to be a genius to figure out that you'd take him back in a second if he so much as offered. The main point here is that despite this, he hasn't offered - not even close. The reality is that you'd take him back in a second at the first suggestion from him. He knows it and yet he isn't suggesting it. Instead, he's mentioning his new gf and suggesting you bring your bf when you meet up with him. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU????? He's suggested that you basically get together for a double date! That's the ultimate statement about your relationship being over, NOT a hint at wanting to get back with you!

I have to agree with Rosequartz and ChrisK ... no one is trying to be mean here. But there is only so much "help" people can give while you continue in the delusion that you can MAKE his guy love you. You're getting nothing from this guy. He's getting one heck of an ego boost from you (when he's not off with his 2nd new gf). So he gets a girlfriend AND has you there wanting to be his girlfriend and boosting his ego. You don't care and rationalize all of it because you're convinced that you'll eventually be his gf if you persist long enough.

This is so unhealthy. And a bit disturbing.

I have to tell you, if this guy were my brother or friend, I'd be very concerned about your obsession with him.





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