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Relationship Health Message Board


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Ah! Now you see I went through this same situation years and years ago. My daughter was 1 yr old when her dad went off with soemone else. I was not short of male attention and I married when she was 3 years old. After one year of being married this chap told me he resented my daughter but he was a sad man because it was because he said I gave her more attention than him! He turned out to be an alcoholic which drove me away. he didnt want to help himself and got a bit heavy handed at times so I left him.

You have the one child and you clearly love her dearly. I understand your theory of "love me love my child" but its difficult for a step parent to "love" a stepchild I beleive. The younger the child is when you meet the step parent the easier it might be to grow to love. My kids werent all cute toddlers when I met my current husband. I told him at the outstart that he wasn't expected to "love" them.If it grew then great. I did say to him that I expected him to form a relationship if only of friendship which i thought was fair.
I selfishly was bowled over by this man and he got most of my attention for the first year or two. The I felt terribly guilty and started to give my kids more attention.

I just wanted my husband to be their friend if nothing else. He was great with them in the beginning so I didnt have reason to doubt.Dont forget this crept in later after we married. My mum stuck in a lovless marriage until we had all left home. She spent many years being very very unhappy for the sake of us children. She died not so long ago and I secretly vowed that i would do things for me sometimes as long as I thought the children were not suffering.
Are they suffering? A little maybe. Like I said we have talks. I also said and I meant that I do not have the patience or the energy I had. My tolerance for stress is at an all time low. If I were to split from my husband purely on the grounds of his relationshop with the children a) I would find life extremely difficult especally with my ill health and b) the same scenario would arise again in the future but it might be with a man I dont love as ardently as I do my present husband.

They have got a loving dad who they stay with most weekends. They are aware what it did to me when my husband walked out recently. Poor kids they just want me to be happy and well.

I sound selfish? Maybe. I got to have some happiness even if its with this man who'sjust hurt me.Crikey I am talking in riddles now! After all he's done....what lengths am I going to? I wouldn't blame you if you stopped writing now as I sound as confused as I am lol! I really am!





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