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Well sweety, you sound like a girl in love. :D

[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
However, I think Hiya was right that he assumed that not bringing up exclusivity didn't mean we weren't exclusive, just the opposite in fact. He really seems to be thinking and acting like he's my boyfriend, and while a month ago I would have resisted that, I have to say now that it makes me pretty happy deep down. I like him A LOT--he's gorgeous, one of the best two or three lovers I've ever had (and yes there have been a lot, part of why I like to sleep with guys is to weed out the ones who don't do it for me sexually), very smart, perhaps smarter than me, which turns me on a lot, and he's also sweet and upfront and has his own life. Since I am often stubborn and difficult, I like that he's easygoing but not willing to let me walk all over him...in fact, I find myself wanting to be a nicer, more upstanding, and sweeter person when I'm around him. [/QUOTE]
Everything a strong woman wants in a man. What is the harm in staying with him a while and seeing where this goes? You, becoming exclusive does put your heart at risk, but sometimes the most rewarding things are risky.
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
As far as the exclusivity thing is concerned, I still don't really know what to do. I feel like I should have brought it up months ago if I was going to bring it up at all. In fact, thinking back, he did say something early on about birth control that made me think he saw us as exclusive nearly from the beginning. I also don't think he'd want me around him and his friends if he was dating other women...from what I've overheard, his close friends all know about me and seem to consider me his girlfriend. And he's super busy, but he always answers when I call or calls me right back...I think he might really like me like I like him, and that makes me okay with being his girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
I don't think you really need to talk to him to make a decision, for yourself, about becoming exclusive. You can choose to do it. Although, as great as he seems, I'd still want to know he wasn't seeing anyone else as well.
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
Plus, he's moving to my hometown, and he knew before he decided to accept that job that I'd be living there too...so all in all, I feel a lot more confident in the whole thing than I felt before I left, when I posted the rest of this thread. I don't really want to date other guys, so I don't want to bring that up, though I think I will bring up the birth control thing he mentioned awhile back and gauge whether I'm right in my assessment of his thinking about us.[/QUOTE]
He should have brought up birth control, isn't he a doctor, or studying to be one? I'm glad you are both thinking of this, but was he asking if you are already on it or if you are going on it? I mean, didn't he consider the possibility that you may already be sexually active? Perhaps that was his way of asking if you were seeing other men now?
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
I'm still not crazy about the idea of giving up all other men, but I think I probably should, as otherwise I would feel guilty and deceptive...so I will see where this goes. [/QUOTE]
Exclusive means exclusive. But, you know this. ;)
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
Do you guys think I should just take down my dating site profile altogether? I guess part of me wants to be positive he's serious before I make those kind of sacrifices, but I do know it's not right to date other guys without letting him know. What should I do about the other guys I was seeing? Should I just disappear or should I tell them I only want to be friends now? [/QUOTE]
You can hide your site, make it not searchable, until you are sure that you are ready to stop looking. That way you won't get any new responses. Any men that you are now chatting with and haven't met can get a nice note that you've met someone really wonderful and you want to give that relationship your best shot right now. The men you are seeing, and sleeping with.........well, that's a little bit harder. These relationships are what they are. Now you are trying to change the deal well into them. You will certainly find out which ones are truly your friends and which ones aren't. But that is a good thing to know. The point is, if you decide you want to be exclusive with your J, you will have to bite the bullet and tell these other men. Disappearing is a little girls way out. If you are old enough to sleep with them, you're old enough to end it with them, decently and responsibly. It's ok, you can handle it, this is part of living life the way you chose it. Living with this kind of freedom can be responsible or irresponsible, men running away without a word is exactly the kind of irresponsible behavior that sends so many women to this board, what would you say, of a man, who behaves that way?
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]
Also, should I be nicer and more easy-going with J now than I have been in the past? It's tricky because I feel like part of what makes guys, him included, like me is that I am very tough to win over and I have really high standards for how they should treat me. I don't hesitate to disclose when I am unhappy with something but sometimes I take that too far and feel badly afterwards for giving someone a hard time...so do you guys think I should apologize or just try not to be so impatient and difficult? [/QUOTE]
I think it's perfectly acceptable to keep your standards high and maintain a life for yourself. These things do attract a man. But, I think a man also needs to know that a woman will accept him for what he is and he needs to know that you stand in his corner. Your softer feelings are evolving, as I think they should. Does that mean you will become a doormat? Of course not. Loving feelings and actions are different then doormat feelings and actions. Doormat feelings are about denial of self and self-needs. As long as you don't give to your own detriment, you can give honestly. Either way, at some point those softer, accepting and loving feeling are necessary to build the bonds I think you are hoping for. Neither of you should be forever walking on egg shells around the other. A relationship, with that much tension, can't last. At some point you need to take the chance of showing him your feelings, but I'd wait until he shows his first. Let him use the L word, when he's comfortable with it, first.
Wow, an exciting and scary time for you, but it sounds like it might be worth the trouble. Keep us posted on how things are going.
Eve





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