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Hi guys, I think youíre right about most of this. To tell you the truth it makes me a little sick to my stomach to think of having this sort of discussion...there is nothing I find more uncomfortable than talking about the status of a relationship and feelings and that sort of thing. It really does seem artificial and forced...to me it seems like you just know how serious a given relationship is. In the past, Iíve never been willing to get really serious with any guy right away. It takes a few months of dating them, and sleeping with them, before I know if they are worth being serious about. Itís just really important to me to be sure Iím not wasting my time before I give up dating everyone else for someone. I donít think thatís going to happen anytime soon with this guy, but then again, who knows. I wouldnít be remotely surprised if nothing serious ever comes of it, but if it does, it will take time. Itís tough for me to see the point in worrying about it when weíre both going to be moving pretty soon, maybe or not to the same place. Iím certainly not going to arrange my life around any one man right now, so I feel kind of in limbo or in some sort of holding pattern.

And Eve, I totally agree, it makes my blood boil when women are held up as paragons of moral virtue (not that I'm saying anyone here necessarily believes that). Thatís just a box men want to keep us in so they can have their double standards and remain unfettered in their hypocrisy. Itís the same thing that made them say we were the arbiters of morality and tradition in the old days when women couldnít vote, work outside the home, or get a divorce. I hold other people up to the standards that I hold myself to, nothing more and nothing less. Having been someone who cheated on a lot of guys who trusted and loved me in the past, I now think itís better not to make promises I highly doubt I can keep. At least then I'm not lying and hurting anyone.

Anyway, I talked to the guy in question for awhile yesterday and we'll probably end up getting together before I leave for vacation in a couple of days. Iím not really sure though how things will go...I do feel like I should say something, but I donít know how to deal with this guy, honestly. Heís not like the vast majority of other guys in the same way that my first boyfriend wasnít...they are both very smart and seem to be able to read right through me and keep my interest. Part of me is drawn to that but another part of me resents it. But I guess we all manipulate each other on some level to get what we want from dating though. Iím truly not sure how to deal with this at all...perhaps I should call my first ex for advice, though I havenít talked to him in probably a year. Maybe I should just call him anyway, as Iím probably doomed to repeat that mistake at least another few times... :rolleyes:





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