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[QUOTE=SophiaM]My friend told me recently that I have the wrong approach to dating. See, when I meet someone who really interests me, I usually can't help but get somewhat 'invested' in that person and don't have much of a desire to date others at the same time. My friend says this is not good and might seem "desperate" and turn a guy off. It's not like I'm stalking anyone or bombarding them with phonecalls--but when I'm excited about getting to know someone, I just kind of lose interest in meeting other men. Is this wrong of me? Am I sabotaging myself by putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak? In the past, when I met my ex-boyfriends in person, it seemed like we were always dating only each other from the start. Nobody even had to bring up the 'are we exclusive?' talk because it was simply assummed. But with this online dating it's so different. Would a guy get the wrong impression and think of a woman as "desperate" if she returned his emails the same day and seemed enthusiastic about talking to him? Would that scare him off? What do you guys think? Personally, I feel like dating a few people at the same time dilutes something and it's just like going through the motions--not romantic at all.[/QUOTE]

Okay, you asked, so I must say that I think what you describe above is absolutely the wrong approach to dating. I definitely don't think you're a commitment phobe though, whatever that is. Maybe I am, but in my opinion, it's almost silly to only date one person at a time. How are you ever going to meet guys you like unless you date a bunch all at once? I just think it's really important not to settle, and I have no interest in having a boyfriend right now because there are just too many guys out there who I like dating. Why limit yourself by not getting to know different guys at the same time? The whole point is to make them have to win you over and convince you to date only them...that ensures that you screen out anyone who isn't up to your standards which should be very high, maybe even higher than they are. But not to date anyone else because you are talking to some guy from a dating site? That seems to me like it would take forever to meet any quality guys if you get that invested that soon. And keep in mind that most guys who are single are like me single by choice, they want to date around and meet lots of different people, so from that point of view, it doesn't make sense to put all your eggs in one basket. But that's just my opinion, I know most women wouldn't agree, and maybe there are a lot of men out there looking for just one person too, who knows. Still, I think it's an excellent strategy not to give too much of yourself to anyone too soon...they need to prove their worth first.
[QUOTE=Veronica_Mars]Okay, you asked, so I must say that I think what you describe above is absolutely the wrong approach to dating. I definitely don't think you're a commitment phobe though, whatever that is. Maybe I am, but in my opinion, it's almost silly to only date one person at a time. How are you ever going to meet guys you like unless you date a bunch all at once? I just think it's really important not to settle, and I have no interest in having a boyfriend right now because there are just too many guys out there who I like dating. Why limit yourself by not getting to know different guys at the same time? The whole point is to make them have to win you over and convince you to date only them...that ensures that you screen out anyone who isn't up to your standards which should be very high, maybe even higher than they are. But not to date anyone else because you are talking to some guy from a dating site? That seems to me like it would take forever to meet any quality guys if you get that invested that soon. And keep in mind that most guys who are single are like me single by choice, they want to date around and meet lots of different people, so from that point of view, it doesn't make sense to put all your eggs in one basket. But that's just my opinion, I know most women wouldn't agree, and maybe there are a lot of men out there looking for just one person too, who knows. Still, I think it's an excellent strategy not to give too much of yourself to anyone too soon...they need to prove their worth first.[/QUOTE]

No, no, I wasn't saying that I wouldn't talk or go out with anyone else just because I'm talking to that guy. He is the only one who even remotely interests me right now, though. But I was just talking in general, since in the past I always dated only one guy at a time, and I'm referring to my pre-online-dating life, which seemed less complicated. I'm not sure that I have such a huge variety of greatly desirable men to choose from at this point. I'm sure it's this way for you since you're 24 and there are a lot of good-looking, educated, normal single guys out there, but for me the pool is already shrinking. The guys who are in their mid to late 30s and stayed single up to now usually have problems with commitment, the ones who are divorced might have an evil ex-wife and a bunch of children, which I would not be too thrilled about. And the somewhat cute single guys my age usually want to date women in their 20s. So, I know that the reality is not as glamorous as I would like it to be. The paradox is that I didn't even have one long-term relationship from online dating, while I had a few from just meeting someone by chance and only dating each other from the start. If going on dates with a few men at the same time should increase my chances of meeting someone special, then for some freakish statistical reason it hasn't happened yet. :confused: Most of the girls I know who are married or in long-term relationships also just dated one guy at a time, including my sister. For me, it's hard to develop a strong connection if I know both myself and the guy are going out on countless dates with other people. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned for this modern dating world...





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