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Relationship Health Message Board


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my boyfriend is so moody i can barely stand it. every couple of months he gets into this weird distant mood. if i'm in a bad mood (and it's not related to him), if he calls me on it i try my best to express that i'm NOT mad at him, X Y and Z are stressing me out, and I'm sorry that i'm being moody and I will try not to affect him with it.

well, my bf has been moody for a few days now and i really don't think it's anything i've done (although he alluded to a few things i did that "annoyed" him, but he claims he doesn't remember what they were, and they were "just small" and "not worth talking about").

anyway, i called him last night and asked what was wrong, b/c he didn't call all day long and turns out he was sitting at home watching a DVD we were going to watch together. he says Nothing is wrong, and there's nothing wrong in our relationship, nothing's wrong nothing is wrong. but i KNOW something is wrong b/c he's behaving differently. and he was just so dismissive and sounded like he didn't want to talk to me at all, i got mad and we ended up exchanging angry words.

he called me at work today, and just starts chatting like NOTHING happened last night. i explained that i was mad because i felt he was snotty last night when i was just trying to figure out whether something was the matter.

then he got angry and started going on a rant about how all he wanted to do was say hello when he called, and exchange pleasantries, and he feels like i'm constantly badgering him when there's nothing the matter, and i was attacking him last night, and he feels like i can't accept that there is nothing wrong, or nothing anyway that has to do with me, or nothing that he feels like talking to me about. and he says that there's one or two things that pissed him off at work, but it's nothing he wants to share. and he feels like its disrespectful for me to keep asking him, and can't i just stop badgering him about it? why can't i just give him a little mental space--sit on the couch and not say anything? he pointed out that i advised my friend last week to leave her bf alone for a night b/c they had had an intense discussion the night before, and then he said something like, why don't you take your own advice? why can't i just take it at face value that nothing is wrong and let it go? and then he said, now that i called i'm getting angry, and i have to go.

and i'm really upset because i feel like he's being selfish. just because you're stressed out doesn't mean you get a free pass to treat everyone around you like *****. and he never considered that maybe his moodiness/distance was affecting me. his attitude seems to be, just leave me alone, i'm in a bad mood, you're pissing me off more by asking about it, i'm going to sit here on one side of town and you sit on the other and you just have to wait until i get over it. OK, that's fine if your mood lasts two hours. but three or four days??

it DOES affect other people when you're in a bad mood. when i called all i wanted him to say (nicely) was, oh, X is bothering me and it has nothing to do with you. but when you say in an impatient, nasty voice, nothing's wrong, and insinuate that i'm crazy/annoying/drunk for asking, it doesn't do anything to allay my fears!

the other thing is that, in the past, when he gets in these moods, it often has to do with something i've done. he'll be moody/distant for a number of days and then at the end of it, approach me with some problem/concern that he has. and so when he was asking me today why i couldn't just take his word for it that nothing was wrong, i told him that he has a track record of harboring problems all the while insisting that nothing's the matter. and he responded--well see, then you should know that if there IS something wrong, which there isn't, you can't do anything to make me talk about it before i'm ready. so stop asking. is it just me, or is it bizarre that he's getting so angry that i'm asking whether he's OK?





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