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Hey everyone

Some of you may remember my story - boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me in a cruel and immature way just before christmas. I was literally broken. I hadn't had any contact with him (barring my minor drunken slip a couple of weeks ago-me texting him asking him how he was, he did reply :nono: ) and I had been feeling loads better - so much happier in myself as a person, even tho I still thought about him A LOT, I didn't wanna be back with him.
So - last night was my friend's 21st birthday party up in London, she goes out with the flatmate of my ex, so I knew he was gonna be there. I was so so so so nervous on the way there, I didn't know what I would feel when I saw him and I hoped so badly that I wouldn't be upset (after one too many vodkas) in front of him. Now - here is the AMAZING thing for me, he walked in - I felt shaken to see him after so long - BUT I felt nothing of what I used to for him - NOTHING! No butterflies like I used to, no sexual attraction at all, nothing except still anger at the way he treated me, but no loving kind of feelings at all. He had let his hair grow really long, he looked really scruffy and really really thin, I looked at him and thought "ugh"! I felt amazing after this (and I don't want to brag but I did look GORGEOUS last night!) My friend said he kept looking over at me all night and trying to catch my eye, BUT I didn't let him. At one point however - he walked over to us when we were talking and tried to start up a conversation with me. I told him his hair needed cutting (!) and basically gave him one or two word answers - he walked off after a couple of minutes of this :D After this, however, he was blatantly pulling his girlfriend up in front of me and kissing her. This did hurt me, it was strange to see him kissing someone else, but I just continued having a good time with my friends, laughing, dancing and looking gorgeous and not looking at him!! I felt brilliant! I even got chatted up, and got a kiss off a nice young man! That was the first time i've done that since being single. It felt great! And although I was not doing it to annoy my ex, I still felt satisfaction at the fact that he was probably really pissed off at seeing me with someone else!

Anyway - there isn't really a point to this story - just me telling the world how absolutely proud I am of myself :p I had so many jitters about going last night, BUT I am so glad I did! My friend who's birthday party it was said that she thought I was just the most amazing woman ever for going, and she was so worried about me, but she thought I looked amazing and that I am 200 times the woman I was when I was with him... now i'm getting all emotional writing this! ... I feel so happy that I felt so attractive again and I LOVED the male attention! It was amazing! But mostly I am so happy that I could look at my ex and feel none of my old feelings for him-I think a lot of that has to do with the distance I've had - I actually thought to myself "what the hell did I see in him??!!" And in my head I was actually kinda looking down on him - I did NOT feel jealous towards his girlfriend (in fact I felt sorry for her, as he didn't really look into her at all, and kept looking at me all night! :P), and he didn't even look like the same man I used to be in love with. And I just want everyone to know how happy I am today :) I never never never thought I would get to this place - I believed I would be unhappy and be pining for him forever, but actually I am feeling on top of the world!!! He would have expected me to be wanting to talk to him, looking annoyed and looking over at him all the time. Whereas it was the other way around!

I feel amazing, and I am so happy with myself for going.
Yay me!!
Thanks for listening guys :)

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