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[QUOTE=jenna_250]It was then that I realized what I had gotten myself into. I didn't get mad or blame him. I had agreed to a FWB type of situation, and that's what a FWB situation is. I just wasn't fully aware of what it really meant. I decided I was better than that, I deserved more respect and dignity than that, so instead of demanding my FWB treat me more like a girlfriend, I simply ended the FWB relationship, and now I know better than to ever get into one again.

I have to disagree with this, just because it implies that anyone in a bed buddy situation isn't being treated wtih dignity or respect, and I just don't believe that is true IF there is a friendship there and honesty, for me anyways. I'm not a person who needs a relationship to be happy, and in fact there have been times in my life when I genuinely wasn't just looking for one and I would go as far as to say didn't want one. Also, don't you think that people rush into a commitment these days? what ever happened to dating and getting to know someone before having expectations of it " leading to something"...I think sometimes women put wayyyyy too much pressure on themselves to have a serious relationships, have it lead to something, when in reality some things aren't meant to go anywhere and are just fun . I also have to say that some of my best friends today are people I have bed buddied with in the past I can say for a fact that they do respect me and treat me with dignity and always did. now mind you, I'm not someone who puts up with much from people, I have a pretty low tolerance level and expect to be treated nicely by both friends and boyfriends, and my husband now. If you aren't comfortable doing it, don't do it. But some women are capable of enjoying this type of relationship just as men are, and I don't think they should be looked down apon because they aren't searching for a boyfriend...and it certainly shoudln't be assumed they have no self respect and are just doing it in hopes the guy will change his mind and want a girlfriend out of it..although that does happen sometimes when you aren't looking...cheers[/QUOTE]

Well, I would submit that even if two people agree to just keep the sex light and casual with no feelings or deep emotions, that's kind of an agreed upon, mutual disrespect. But that's just my opinion. With my FWB, the only reason I even attempted it with the person I did was because I knew him to be rather shallow and knew he would never form any deep feelings for me, and there was absolutely no danger of me forming feelings for him, to keep the complication to a minimum. Just "fun" and to see if it would help me get over my ex. Even though we were friends, I think the amount of respect we had for each other was limited. If I had really respected him as a human being and thought him a truly decent, good, worthy person, I never would have agreed to a FWB situation with him. What makes is "safe" from complication and developing really deep feelings and emotions is the inherent lack of deep, true respect. Or so was the case with me.

I don't think anyone is looking down on citygirl, I know I'm not. I also think it depends on how you define "respect." Some women would not consider "hey baby, come over, how about a quickie?" disrespectful, whereas some women would consider that incredibly disrespectful. Mind you, you don't have to actually call it a quickie in order for it to be a quickie. But I agree, some women don't need love, tenderness and caring and sensitivity to enjoy sex, but some do. They need the pampering, the staying all night, knowing the man WANTS her to sleep beside him all night, the dinner, wine, dancing, conversation, etc. I myself was raised in a rather old fashioned way I guess, but I'm totally ok with it. My mother always told me that it's a bad idea to even date someone who you would never even consider marrying.

I'm just saying, I think citygirl is still undecided and unsure as to which kind of woman she is. She wants fun, diversion and something to get her mind off her ex, but she also wants to be treated like a girlfriend. It would be a good idea for her to do some soul searching and really decide in concrete what kind of woman she is, and stick to it. I guess you could say what it comes down to is, is this FWB relationship of hers an either/or type of thing, meaning has it permanently deteriorated into a "hey baby, how bout a quickie, but we have to be done by 11 because I have other things to do" kind of thing, or is the guy still interested in the romance stuff, sleeping over all night, wine and dine and conversation? I'm not sure it is, I think that remains to be seen, but I think the time is coming where citygirl will have to make a choice.





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