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Wow everyone, I was gone for 2 days and I log back in and there are 41 posts!
I too sort of feel it was blown out of proportion, but Im glad I got everyone discussing...

I skimmed a lot of peoples' responses, and to update, I guess it just goes to show that different people have different opinions of the FWB situation. For me, I think I'm typically not that type of person but right now it is really fun and interesting for me. A definite learning experience after all Ive been through recently. I think the reason that I was offended by the comment goes along with what some people said, in the sense that it just connotated a negative image in my mind of some prostitute-like person that would come in, do my thing, and then get out. And that to me is unacceptable. I do not expect long-term commitment from this guy or that he lies to my face about 'caring for me' when he really doesnt. But I still have my standards for how Im treated, and that is just where my sensitivity came in. I also think a lot of it stems from my breakup, in that I am just on defensive mode around guys. And it turns out the comment was meant very lightly anyway, so its not a big deal, sometimes things get thrown off-base via text messaging.

I do agree with those of you who said I am confused and need to find myself though, and that is what I am doing. So Im allowing myself to be confused and post on these boards when I feel confused, haha. No, I dont want a long-term relationship with this guy because I know it is not going to happen. No, I don't have real romantic feelings for him. But yes, I like being generally wanted and cared for and so forth by guys and that is just natural for me. Not that Im saying this guy does that, but he typically is pretty respectful towards me. So the quickie comment just ticked me off in the sense that I thought it was a little crass...not so much that my hopes were crushed that he didn't have romantic feelings for me. Someone on this thread mentioned a nice 'it would be great to see you' would have sufficed, and thats what I mean! Thats usually how he is, so I think it was his attempt to be 'forward' that just came off a little...off.

To update w/ what happened, after i ignored his quickie comment and his successive texts, he had IMd me profusely, so I told him very briefly that the comment was offensive and he totally understood and apologized and said he was just tryign to be forward (I think I already told you all that). I ended up going over there after he practically begged, and it was fun! We went out to dinner, we had a lot of fun in other ways ;) and I stayed the night. It was the same pattern as it has always been. No 'quickie', because the type of thing we have going has never been crass like that. To me, if Im in a FWB situation, given my standards, I still have to generally enjoy the person and want to get to know them, like I would any other friend. I do like spending time with him, and so just showing up, staying to have sex and leaving would not be as fun for me. THat would make me feel sort of gross. And hes even said he doesnt do that either, which is why we keep in touch still when Im not in town. So that is why the quickie thing threw me off as well.
Can I do the casual sex thing with no attachment? Right now, I am seemingly doing fine because the idea of a relationship with anyone scares me senseless...I am so scared of getting hurt again, trusting someone, becoming completely over my ex, etc. But I am struggling with the latent girlfriend role vs. the new role of having sex with no emotions... and while I can do that, seeing as I have no emotions for this guy, I am used to being the world to someone, so it takes some getting used to to be in this situation, and thats all I really think it is. Its just stuff to sort out in my mind, the transitions Ive had to go through. And its the same for him- he cuddled with me all night long and I know its not because its ME, its what hes used to, as he just got out of a long relationship too. Im OK with that. Would I rather have sex in a committed relationship? Definitely. But for right now, I like the distraction and my god, my ex was a virgin so I think Im also making up for loss time!! If I went home and pined over this guy and missed him, or if I was there with him and had this longing to kiss him passionately or something, I would be worried, but I dont. I look at him as a friend. I actually feel sort of weird when he touches me affectionately. Sometimes this guy actually makes me miss my ex, because stuff with my ex was so much better (like the cuddling and stuff that actually involved real emotions) so I know that Im not ready for a relationship with a new person as I clearly still have so much emotional baggage. However, this guy is just really respectful in general and never makes me feel like I am just a 'quickie', and even though I know we both just really like the physical aspect of things, I dont like feeling offended. So, that was all it really was. Again, I agree with some of you that Im confused, because I am- who isn't confusd and needs to find herself when she is betrayed by the guy she thought she'd marry? But if I do feel like I am going to get really hurt by this guy, I will get out of it, because i dont need that. Actually, after the quickie comment, I mentally ended it, and its not like I was too sad over it...it wasn't til I got back to my room and he was contacting me repeatedly that we talked and it was all back to being fine :) For right now, I sadly feel numb to all men to be honest, and all my emotions are still for my ex, even they are painful ones :(

Anyway its good to get my thoughts down about this here. Its also interesting to read all of your thoughts and opinions. Again, I just think everyone has a different interpretation of what FWB situations are. Mine just doesnt involve 'quickies' unless Im living local to the person, or we're just being silly.





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